More firsts

So many things are a first. Just about everything we do! Nick had to show Johnley how to jump in the leaves, but true to form, once he learned, he did it for hours!

On tuesday we all went to Chuckee Cheese. It was insane. I met my two friends. One has two teenage boys and the other a 10 yr. old girl. And here I come with my brood! At one point we lost Cara (ssshhh, don't tell her mother!) but she was over by the TV. And Sammy and Owen had an actual fist fight at the end over a pair of mittens. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they won't be coming with me anymore! Anyway, Johnley LOVED it (because of course, what's not to love!) He went on the photo ride 13 times. And he posed for everyone! It was really cute.
Thursday was Thanksgiving. I'm not a big thanksgiving person, don't know why, its never been that important to me. But we made our turkeys

And it was Johnleys first so I remembered to take a few pictures. This is Nicks family. The dinner, of course, was superb, we ate too much and went home and passed out! (Me, Nick, Sammy and Johnley) Really, it was like we were drugged! Then Joe and his kids came over for dessert. All in all, a very nice day.

On friday Nick and I actually did some black friday shopping - from 3:30am to 6:30am! Back home before the kids woke up! Then Nick went out throughout the weekend to pick up this and that. We are almost done with our shopping! Friday we took the boys to the mall, had dinner, went on some rides, etc. It was fun, again, first for Johnley! He is beginning to take it all in stride! We went to see the bee movie on sunday, and when the lights went out he didn't even blink! I thought for sure that might be a problem, but no, it was all good.

Later that day I went to my friend Lauras for a card/ornament making party. She throws these parties every year, and they are so much fun. Here are some of the ornaments I made.

And Laura made these blankets for the boys. They love them. Thank you Laura!



And finally, I have managed to decorate for Christmas. Nick did the outside and I did the inside. I kept it a little simple and of course we don't have the tree yet, but otherwise we are done! This is my favorite ornament. I hang it in a window between my kitchen and family room. I am so glad they started making adoption ornaments.
So all in all, a great week. Johnley is really doing wonderful. He crys only sometimes now, and even then only for a short time. He still has trouble with transitions, but what 4 year old doesn't? And for the record, it takes just over a month to go from never hearing about spiderman, to wanting to wear the spiderman shirt and shoes! He is truly American now!

Open to the public

Okay, I have succumbed to peer pressure and made this public again. (actually, it only took two people to whine about having to sign in (and you know who you are!) and one person to say they couldn't, and that was enough for me!) So you three are welcome!

It is the day before thanksgiving. We are having it down the street and then some family is coming over for dessert. All I have to do is buy some pies. Should be stress free, right?

So this is my idea of keeping it simple. Nick is off for the next four days. In order to keep it simple and provide a wonderful, loving, happy environment for my children here is what we need to do:
1. Thoroughly clean the whole house. There are parts of this house that have not been touched for some time now, and that is just inviting bugs and germs to come live with us.
2. Pack up all the nick-knacks around and get the 40 boxes of Christmas decorations down, decorate the house. I am willing to go light, but Taishauna will insist on most everything so it feels like Christmas. I specifically created traditions for her to have as she got older and had her own family. The only tradition I had from my childhood was Grandmas cookies and HUGE family gatherings. The family gatherings disintegrated so I created some (quite wonderful) traditions. I CANNOT take them away from her.
3. Rake the leaves. We raked the front clear on Sunday and now we have leaves covering every surface about 6 inches deep. Including the whole road in front of our house, our driveway, our porch and half our neighbors yard (who, poor things, don't have ANY trees.)
4. And of course provide for, care for, play with the children, so they have a wonderful weekend. This, in itself, is a full time job and then some. The transition that Johnley and Sammy are experiencing really calls for us to stop everything and just take care of them. The week is busy enough, with Nick gone and me babysitting, so a four day weekend with both of us off is a perfect opportunity to really give them some attention.

I know this is insane, but what do I give up? I have a strong argument for everything on the list, but I know, from experience, that it is impossible to do.

But the Christmas season is upon us, time to start expecting moms everywhere to become superwomen.

Right now I have to go feed the boys and begin the day long process of braiding T's hair.

It will be interesting to see how this weekend turns out. Will I be superwoman and get the first three items done, and fall short on the fourth? This is my pattern. Or will I concentrate on the fourth and let the others slide? Stay tuned....

4am Eggs

Last night Johnley woke up at 4 am and stood in the hall. I called out to him to come sleep with us (which up until now is what he wanted) and he yelled, "No, mongee (eat)! Really yelled it. Woke up mad! I told him that it was the middle of the night and I was going back to sleep. He stood there and said some bad words, waited awhile and then started throwing things from my room to the hall. So I got up, took him into the kitchen and asked him what he wanted. He pointed to the eggs, so I scrambled him up two. He ate them and then skipped down the hall and into my bed, happy as can be.
Okay.
So we are constantly caught between the idea that we are creating a spoiled brat and we are reassuring him that we love him. Pretty much the same as we are doing with Sammy! Johnley is just a little more original!

Crazy week part 2

Just to finish up my litany, Thursday was a dentist appt. at 12 for T (that took a freakin hour - I finally went in and got T - the dentist hadn't examined her yet - but hell, I had four kids sitting in the car). Then off to bowling with an emergency pit stop on the way! But man oh man, if you could have seen Johnleys face when he bowled! It was delightful! Then it was rush to Lakewood to transfer Owen and Cara to Grandma!



Friday was finally a down day. Nick stayed home from work to take Johnley to the dr and I took Sammy and Owen to a bday party we had been invited to at build a bear. Of course we got there at 12 and the party was 11 - man I hate when that happens! But the host was gracious and it all worked out.



Johnley. Well sometimes I'd say he is doing well and other times not so much. He throws about 5 fits a day, and I can't tell if he is really upset, or just testing us. This morning it was about having popcorn for breakfast. He won. Turns out he can cry longer than I can stand it! I really didn't care that he had popcorn for breakfast but I'm still trying to teach him whats what with food. He is one smart kid tho. Nick showed him how to play this board game (Duck, duck goose) one time and he has it! (He is going to be so easy to homeschool!)

Yesterday when we went to Build-a-Bear, I had one made for Johnley, too. And boy, does he love that bear! It is so cute. He set that and a baby doll up on the chair and was so proud of himself.

We went to soccer this morning and it was FREEZING. Thank God its the last one.


He's already figured out that Aunt Teri is the one to have, too. She took Sammy home from soccer and Johnley wanted to go with her! But that is Sammys special time still, and I don't think Teri is quite ready for Johnley!

Update at last

Okay, sorry fans! I haven't written in a while because it seemed like there wasn't anything new to report. But I realized last night that I will quickly forget Johnleys behavior and the purpose of this blog was to document just that. This week has been crazy. I have had Dr. appts everyday. On Monday, we took Sammy for a follow up visit and was told he needed a chest xray. Then we came home, had a quick lunch and left for Taishaunas voice and piano lessons. The voice lessons are 1 hour and piano is 1 hour, so I have to find a way to entertain the kids during that time. This time wasn't too bad, Owen had brought his new Spiderman movie over and Johnley had just gotten a new football. So we played catch for a while and then watched the movie. They got bored by the end so we went inside and they stayed pretty quiet.
Tuesday Taishauna volunteers at the library so we dropped her off went to the store. Johnley was a little confused by us dropping her off and gave me a little bit of a hard time going into the store. He finally agreed to sit in the back of the cart with Cara in front. Of course I have been telling Sammy his whole life that we are not allowed to do that, but oh well! Then we went back into the library. Cara was off and running the whole time we were there (15 minutes, felt like an hour!) and Johnley decided to empty one of the shelves onto the floor! So that was fun! The librarian that is in charge of the volunteers had been homeschooled his whole life. He told me that he would be willing to document her activities for our 'portfolio', if we so desire. I told him that this year was just to get our feet wet and we would begin documenting next year. But it was so nice of him to offer.
Anyway, we got back from the library and I was DONE! But all the kids took naps (Johnley and Sammy for about 5 minutes) and after nap I took Johnley to buy shinguards and cleats, while Taishauna watched the rest of the kids. Owen had just woken up and Cara was still sleeping when I left, but leaving her with the kids was incredibly nerve-wracking non-the-less.
Anyway, I wanted to get the stuff for Johnley because the kids had a make-up game at 6 and the last time I took Johnley he threw a fit. I assumed it was because he wanted to play. So I got him (and the other two) all suited up and fed and went to the field. He played for a little while but then just wanted to sit on my lap. I think he might have wanted to play but wasn't sure what was going on. But at least he had the option.

Wednesday is my day without Owen and Cara, and I guess I was expecting a down day so I had a really hard time getting motivated. But I had to take Sammy for an x-ray and then T for a physical at 12. Johnley threw a fit at the hospital while we were waiting to see if the xray was okay, he just decided he was done. He cried all the way home and it really pissed me off. I know I was tired, but I just felt like it was 4 year old bratty behavior, so I sent him to his room when we got home. Sent to his room sounds deceiving. I carried him to his bed and yelled "Kabon!" (which is bed) and walked away. After he calmed down he was fine, laughing and smiling. Meanwhile, I was still pissed off!

Anyway, Erin came over to watch the boys while I took Taishauna. We fed them all lunch and then Jane stopped by with her school bus and all the kids went on it. They thought it was the coolest thing ever! So I took T to her doctor ( I also took Cara) and he is worried that she has scoliosis. So I have to take her to an orthopedic surgeon.

We had drama on Wed. afternoon. This time Megan and Declan and Deegan (sp?) came back to our house to hang out. Its been really hard keeping the kids busy during drama. All the kids had fun but Johnley brought his most treasured photo album and shamelessly flirted with Megan the whole time. It was so sweet.

Okay, that is it for now. Not that anyone wanted my schedule, I just wanted to document how shitty my week was!

Johnley is getting more and more attached to me which is so wonderful. The last couple of nights he wanted me to lay with him to go to sleep so Sammy had to settle for Daddy! (who always gets up and leaves the room before the kid is asleep. when I call him on it he always says "He was asleep" NO HE WASN'T! And then has to go back and lay with him. sheeessh , Men!)
Johnley woke up last night calling for me. I cannot get out of bed in the middle of the night. I try, I want to, but I just can't. So Nick gets up, goes to the boys room and then heads off to the bathroom! And then I hear Johnley calling me again! REALLY? So I get up and go lay with him. Nick comes back and says "Well, I looked in on him but he was asleep!" I don't think he knows what that word means!

Peace and quiet

I am home alone! T went on a sleepover with her church, Sammy is with Aunt Teri, and Johnley is shopping with Daddy. Life is good. As I sit here in the quiet, I can see my life more clearly and calmly. Johnley is adjusting as expected. There are about ten meltdowns a day, maybe about breakfast, or getting dressed, or brushing teeth...one never knows. But that is more about being adopted at 4 than being adopted internationally. I know this from my experience with T.

Sammy and Johnley are doing just as expected, also. They are not exactly friends, not exactly enemies. They are still sizing each other up. That is equally about adopting at 4 and international adopting, I think. Johnley is behind the power curve on American culture. He is more comfortable playing with Care (18mos.) and her toys. But there are times when they enjoy each other. They both need equal time with Mommy and Daddy, and they both make sure they get it. But while I am home alone, I think I can safely say that I think we are doing alright and that we are going to make it.

Timely visit

Sue came by to visit me yesterday. Boy, I don't think she will do that again anytime soon! Yesterday I had to take Sammy to the doctor. His fever was lasting 4 days and he was complaining of earaches. I got the boys ready (you know, with all the drama that entails) and cleaned up last night's dishes (because if mommy doesn't, nobody will) and left Taishauna home to play with her friend. As I predicted, Johnley flipped out at the Doctors. I had promised Sammy a new toy if he could go in and be really big and brave to show Johnley that it was okay. Sammy said, "Sure, but Johnley has to go first!" But Sammy did go first and was very good. The Dr. recognized that he wouldn't be able to examine Johnley, but gave me some samples for his congestion, as well as 4 prescriptions for Sammy. He sent the boys away with a lollipop each - good thinkin!

We went to Walmart across the street to get some necessities (Clorox wipes!) as well as a toy. I tried to get my prescriptions filled there for the one stop shopping thing, but it turns out, I don't have an insurance card! So we get a toy each and Johnley has had it. He is hungry and whining. I get the boys in the car, come home and pick up T and her friend so I they can sit in the car with the boys while I get the medicine from my pharmacy, where they have a card on file. I fill out my calendar while I am waiting (aren't I the efficient one) and get everyone home. I give the boys their medicine, feed them lunch and let them play for a few before nap. At this point I am just praying I survive until nap.

Sue calls, says shes close and wants to stop by. We sit down to chat and Sammy starts clinging (nothing new, he has been on my lap for three days because he is sick). But he is being especially whining and I am trying to get him to leave me alone for a moment so I can talk to Sue. All of a sudden he says uh-oh and dashes to the bathroom to throw up. Except he doesn't make it. He started about two feet from the bathroom door in the family room and covered the whole bathroom too - walls, doors, himself, etc.

Great.

So I get out the bucket, clean it up, clean him up, cover everything with bleach and start a load of wash. I am thinking two things. 1. If I were Sue, I would run gagging from the house, and 2. If Taishauna finds out she is going to move out. So I do all the cleaning as fast and as quietly as I can. To her credit, Sue stayed and talked to Johnley while I cleaned and then visited with me for a few more minutes before she left.

I am certain in this knowledge: Sue is very glad she is not me!

But after she left, the boys napped (for a long time) and my faith in the world was restored!

Gods little joke

It is Gods little joke on me that what Johnley needs most is a real mom. One that is present, that actually cooks. I had told Sue that all I had to do was become a completely different person and then I would be ready for Johnley, and I was right! The joke is that's my fantasy, to be one of those moms that is always present, discovering the world through her childs eyes. You know, one that actually likes being with kids! And I do, I really do, in theory. But my God, its exhausting in reality! They are so damn needy! Can't I just get them a playmate for each other and be done with it? Thats what I thought I was doing, but boy did that backfire! Sammy and Johnley don't even like each other yet!

Okay, I'm mostly just kidding. It just hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday that Johnley needs me, he really really needs me, and it just felt so overwhelming - I didn't feel at all up to the task. But of course I am, this is what I have been preparing my whole life for, these three little children. Hmmmm, I think I'll go make some banana bread and warm up the house and home.

Oh bother

Johnley was crying alot today, and I really think it was because he was sad. He kept saying he was hungry, but nothing I offered interested him, not even a bowl of candy. I decided to take him and Sammy out to walmart for a distraction and on impulse stopped where Teri works so he could speak to Rose, who is Haitian. The last time we went there, he was too shy to talk to her, but this time he let her talk to him, slowly and then let her hug him. He finally told her he was hungry for rice! Of course, he misses his own culture. Then when it was time to go he didn't want to leave her, he cried all the way home and for 30 minutes on my lap.
This poor kid, I can't even imagine what he is going through, but I don't think I am doing enough. And of course, I don't have time for Sammy's nonsense, even tho it is completely age appropriate. I wish I knew what I was doing. I wish I learned more Haitian, I wish I learned some Haitian cuisine...I wish Nick would stay home from work once in a while.

Today Ilene was talking about Thanksgiving. I don't know what to do. I originally thought we should just stay home and have it with just us, but T and S are used to getting together with extended family. And I can't know how Johnley will be that day. Oh bother. Did I mention that I don't have the energy for this?

Bed without crying

Can't get enough of this umbrella...last night


This morning..

Johnley went to bed last night without crying! It is the first time. Its amazing what little things will thrill you. It is also amazing what little things will do you in. This morning Johnley got mad at breakfast...I'm doing something wrong, I just don't know what. Then after he got dressed he started crying, absolutely inconsolable, I don't know why. No one was around him, nobody knows. But that crying almost did me in. I was finally able to comfort him, tho, and we got our teeth brushed. He wants to go out in the car now, not out back - machine, machine.

So he decide to get himself ready

Not to be outdone...

Getting by

I'm sick today. You are not supposed to get sick when you have little children. You just can't. But I am sick today. I don't have the energy to move. Erin didn't bring her kids today because we were nice enough to get them sick yesterday! And thank God. I did as little as possible. But hey, the kids ate, napped and played. They were alive and healthy (albeit starving) when their father got home, so that's something.

Thank God for Taishauna...she is a lifesaver!

Johnley is doing well. He is understanding more and more, and that is both good and bad! But the crying at bedtime is less, and he lets me comfort him and tuck him in. He is eating really well and even actually helping to clean up sometimes. He and Sammy do best together in the evening. All day they sort of play next to each other, rather than with each other. But in the hours before bedtime, when they get a little crazy, they really connect! You can catch them chasing and tackling each other with lots of giggling thrown in. Its a site to see.

Here is the whole gang last night before bed (only half of them sleep here!)

Johnley is constantly discovering new and amazing things. Tonight it is a spiderman umbrella (he has taken to calling all superheros Spiderman, tho this one actually is). He has been walking around with it for an hour. Christmas is going to be so easy with him!

Routines

Our morning routine: get up, spend some time just waking up, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, straighten our rooms.
Johnleys routine: wake up, get mad, take pajamas off, freeze, get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast.
Our evening routine: take a bath, get pajamas on, brush teeth, read stories, go to bed.
Johnleys routine: take a bath, throw water on Sammy and floor, refuse to put pajamas on, shiver for 5 minutes, put pajamas on, brush teeth, throw toothpaste away, dump out toys, cry for an hour, pass out.

Last night I couldn't take it anymore - Me and Sammy slept in my bed and I left Johnley to Nick. So of course I woke up at 4 (3) and felt like the worlds worst mother, been up since. Nick and I not exactly doing this together, more like side by side.

On the upside, Joe, Dina and the kids came over last night. And true to form, Joe was a major hit with Johnley. You should have seen his face when Joe began playing Old McDonald on the piano. Johnley sat next to him and Joe guided his hands. He was so excited. They used pictures to pick out animals and Johnley had a blast. Maggie spent alot of time playing with Johnley, she was such a good sport. She was chasing the light from Johnleys flashlight, which he still thinks is the greatest toy ever. Jack, Jimmy and Sammy spent most of the time on the trampoline. All of Joes kids were so wonderful with Johnley. Joe and Dina brought a ton of picture cards for us to use.


All of us are getting sick. I am seriously considering taking a bucket of bleach water and washing everything down. It just feels like the germs are everywhere! Taishauna has a church thing till one and its outside. I think she is too sick to go. At least we don't have anything else going on today, we can just chill - and work on those routines!

Johnley is happy now. I have no idea what happened. I just left him to his own devices and he decided he was done crying! He is standing behind me looking out the window. He is delighted with the window blinds! I got a call from Nick, Sammy is pouting...won't play soccer. Ahhh, the joys of motherhood!

Johnley is crying. He has been crying since he woke up. He took his pajamas off and would not get dressed for over 30 minutes. It is 40 degrees outside. There is nothing I can do. I cranked up the heat so he wouldn't freeze. Now he is dressed, but still crying. He slaps my hand away anytime I try to hold him. I don't know why he is crying. Nick took Sammy to soccer and I talked Taishauna into going so Sammy wouldn't be all alone. My heart is breaking.

Trick or Treat Part 2

Halloween was a comedy of errors! Johnley didn't want to wear his costume, Sammy didn't want to wear his face paint, Cara wouldn't get in the picture. My friend Pam and her daughter Rachel came and Rachel soon got bored and didn't want to trick or treat anymore. Max tripped Sammy and he scraped his elbow. Then Max and Owen had to go to the bathroom (they went to Samantha's house - thanks Kelly!) and then Johnley had a complete meltdown and refused to stay with us - Nick had to come get him, (and Nick forgot a carseat so I put Johnley in a back seat with a cop standing right there). Whew! Am I glad that's over! But, hey, the pictures are great!

Everyday life

Wow, I just read this post, from this wonderful blog, and I know it is exactly what Johnley is going through, but it gets lost in the job of living. We are working on getting him to understand the routine, and the rules of our life, and we forget that his life is upside down. We don't forget, technically, but everyday life just gets in the way. Right now he is in the tv room with his brother and sister. His breakfast is on the kids table, right next to Sammy's, but he won't eat. He is mad about something, I think, but I don't know what. Maybe he didn't want waffles this morning, maybe he wanted the pink cup instead of the red one, or maybe his body is full of sadness and confusion. It's not just the language barrier; we communicate okay. A four year old is not equipped to ask the questions that he needs answers too. He was brought to the orphanage at 18mos., Cara's age. And his mother visited every month...until now. I can't fathom what he must be going through. But he needs to eat, and get dressed, and pick up his toys, and stop kicking, and brush his teeth, and let me buckle his seatbelt, and everyday life just gets in the way.

Nicks Pictures

Here are the pictures and videos that Nick took while there. I will try to get him to explain some of them when he gets a chance.

Trick or treat!

Tuesday we went to a party at a local park. We did pumpkin carving, made slime, put our hands in the mystery boxes, ate pizza (and lots of other stuff) and broke TWO pinatas! It was a blast. Johnley stayed on the outskirts a little, but generally did okay. Sharon and Colleen brought him a dump truck and Pam and Rachel brought both Sammy and Johnley spiderman bags full of candy and toys. Pam was a life saver with Johnley, she was able to bring him back into the fold when he was upset. A little candy goes a long way! Here are some pictures of the party. Sammy wanted to be a cop for the party. He talked about for a week and wanted to do it so he could write tickets! Of course, the dollar stores had no police stuff - even though we have seen it there a million times! Had to go to five different stores to get everything and of course as soon as we got there, he took everything off! Oh well, at least it was all dollar store stuff!