Fontana Journey

Been a long time...

2011-05-06T14:11:00.004-04:00

Wow! It's been over a year! That sucks! I have definitely noticed a pattern with adoptions and blogs, though. People blog like crazy in the time leading up to the adoption and immediately after, and then...nothing. That's because it is really HARD having a stranger come live with you. And the older they are, the harder it is! No matter how prepared you are, and how you THINK you are anticipating it without rose-colored glasses..you still imagine it to be easy, doable, fun. Its not.

Part of the problem is that we don't take into account the actual person we are adopting. We imagine this blank slate, this someone just waiting to be filled with our ideas, traditions, love. But what we forget is that these kids come already full. They have a whole life full of ideas, traditions, tastes, etc. And they don't necessarily mesh with yours. Having an almost grown woman come and live with you is especially difficult, cuz we all know how well women get along when they live together!

On any given day I can tell you that Avena is doing great. She is progressing in school, participating in the family more, smiling more, learning to read, etc. On that same day I can admit that she is learning NOTHING in school, they are just moving her along, that participating in the family more means she said hello today and when she was reading with Nick last night she had her head in her arm on the counter and only mumbled the words. It all in your perception.

The fact of the matter is: it takes a LONG time to adjust. We have had to adjust to a new person in the family; she has had to adjust to having a family, a new country, a new language, a new religion and much more.

i can tell you that we are making progress. Most days it is one step forward, two steps back, but progress none-the-less.

When Avena first got here (and during her first year) we tried a lot of different tactics. We took her to a Haitian church hoping that she would feel more comfortable, but it became obvious that it wasn't just the language that kept her from talking, she was so used to not talking at all anyway. We tried getting her counseling, but again, not interested in talking. So for now we are just letting her be and that seems to be working. We have worked out most of the kinks of living together (house rules, et.al) and now it is like she just got here and we are getting to know one another.

Avena has come to us after 15 years of hardship, so she has issues. One by one, and eventually, we will work those out, and our whole family will be better for it.

Coming up next....whats been going on with the rest of us in the meantime!

conversations....

2010-03-27T08:52:00.002-04:00

M: Nick, maybe you should take the kids on a train ride today, while I am out shopping with the girls.

S: We are going on a train???!!! (runs to the kitchen) Johnley, we are going on a train!

S: (back with me) Can you go on the train with us?

M: If you want me to go, we will have to do it tomorrow, but thats okay, cuz we can do it to celebrate your birthday.

S: Wait, is this a real train?

M: No, it is a train at Allaire State Park.

S: Then I want to go today.

M: Why?

S: Because it is a park.

M: and you don't need me to go with you?

S: No, I thought it was a real train. I would be scared. I would think that Daddy was a bad guy and he was taking us to his secret lab to turn us into bad guys!

pause...

S:Do you remember when I thought you were a giant lizard and I wouldn't cuddle with you?

Gee, a little too much TV, perhaps?

kudos to the govt.

2010-02-10T05:47:00.002-05:00

This isn't something you hear very often, but the govt. needs to be commended. I'm sitting here watching Anderson Cooper in Haiti, and I realized that just 3 weeks after the earthquake, Avena was flown to America. This happened because of the governments of both countries. For all the red tape and govt. corruption you hear about (and know about!) it took a multitude of agencies from both governments to make this happen.
Our government decided to give humanitarian visas to all kids that were in process of adoption before the earthquake. They set up a registration protocol and my adoption agency, Holt International (Awesome agency!) submitted all the paperwork in the proper format. Pulled some all nighters. Once the paper work was approved by our government, it went to Haiti. (not sure of the details here). Monsour Masse, who runs the Holt Fontana Village, walked the paperwork to the Hiatian Embassy. It was submitted on Thursday, 1/28/10. It was completed on Monday, 2/1/10. How often does that happen? This includes the Haitian government visually seeing each and every kid before they get on the plane. Then travel arrangements were made with the military, and the kids were transported to Miami.

At that point, US Immigration had to process each child's paperwork at the airport. The kids are then relocated to a group home, where they are fed, washed, loved and played with - say what you want about social services - they stepped up. While the kids are sleeping the agency in charge of refugee status worked through the night to process their paperwork, the goal being all the kids done by 5pm, cuz then another plane load comes in. All this while dealing with children who don't speak english and are traumatized, and adoptive parents from all over the country who are traumatized!

So many people, in both countries, worked nonstop for the care and safety of these children. And to think it took days, rather than the normal years it takes. Amazing.

I also need to tell a story here...
There was an orphanage in Haiti, not sure if they suffered damage from the earthquake or not, that had 17 American parents fly down to help with the children. The orphanage director, 17 parents, and 39 children stayed at the Haitian Embassy for five days. (I may have some of the details messed up here, but the numbers are close if not accurate.) So finally they get their papers approved. The director, the 17 parents and 39 children get their travel papers. No wait. 1 eight year old boy's paperwork isn't complete. Everyone else has travel papers. And they have to go. This 1 boy has to stay. His two sibling are going. The orphanage director is going. Everyone else is going. And they do. They leave. He is left at the Embassy. The marines take him under their wing. They do not let him out of their site. They take him by the hand and take him where ever they go. Until his paperwork goes through and he comes to Miami with our kids. And he is king of the plane cuz he is with the marines - the only kid allowed to walk around! And he is immediately united with his adoptive parents and the paperwork is done at the door! He went home that very night!

Tear jerker, right?

I am crying as I am typing.

But that is a touching story about someone who is being taken care of right now. Someone who made it out and will be okay. Think of all the kids and parents who are living in the tent cities in Haiti. Just saw that 95% of all displaced persons do not have access to latrines.

Tuesday

2010-02-10T04:42:00.002-05:00

We woke up Tuesday and started getting ready to go to Good Sports. Everyone was up and making noise, and Avena was still in bed. This was odd because she is usually one of the first ones up. I went in her room and called her, but her head was under her blanket. She was sleeping on top of her quilt, just under her blanket. Where I thought she was getting up and making her bed right away, she has been sleeping on top of her quilt!
I wondered if I should even bring her to good sports. She seemed so miserable by the end of ice skating on Monday, I felt so bad about doing that to her again. Taishauna and Avena had plans to go shopping with Teri after Good sports so we stopped at Teri's house on the way to see if she wanted to go early, but she couldn't. So on to Good Sports it was.
Avena did not want to eat breakfast. She has been eating less and less since she has been here. We get to Good Sports and she immediately jumped in and started running around. She participated in every sport and she was good! Everyone kept coming up to us and telling us how good she was.
We left Good Sports and hurried home to eat before Teri came, and Avena did not want to eat. I figured it was okay since Teri would probably take them out to eat and maybe she could find something she liked.
The boys and I ate quickly and then met Joe at the Howell hill for sledding. We ran into some homeschoolers there and the boys had a blast. They tried their new friend's snowboard and did really well!
When we got home we found out that Teri had to cut the shopping trip early, she didn't feel well. They were able to fit the shopping in, but not lunch. Taishauna said when they got home, she offered Avena everything she could think of, but Avena refused everything and reached for the chips.
So by 5pm all she had eaten was chips. We had dinner shortly thereafter, our version of Surf Tacos chicken tender tacos. But all she ate was a little bit of chicken.
She was very excited about what she got while out shopping tho, a shirt, a necklace, a bracelet and a ring. She was very happy!
So all in all, it was a good day. She went to the food store with Nick last night and he picked up some food she pointed to, so we will see how that goes.
It looks like we will a be snow bound today and maybe even tomorrow, so we won't have to be running around, it should be nice.

first few days

2010-02-08T18:31:00.002-05:00

Sugar and TV. That is what Roxanne advised me to give Johnley when he first came.

And it turns out it works especially well for teenagers!

Avena has spent alot of time the past few days watching TV. She loves the Disney channel. She laughs out loud at all the physical comedy, so loud that the rest of the house cracks up!

She is a very picky eater, but loves sugar. She doesn't like steak, rice, apples, oranges, potatoes, ravioli, spahgetti...except when she does! But she likes cookies, cupcakes, candy and chips of all shapes and sizes.

So she fits right in here at this house, because we can't sit down to a meal without most of the kids saying, eeeewwww, what is that????. Nick said Avena saw a picture of mashed potatoes and indicated that she liked it, so we made it for dinner. She took one little taste and made a face and shook her head. I told Nick that she is probably just saying yes cuz she doesn't understand him!

She is very, very quiet. She has a little of that teenage pouty thing going on, but mostly she is happy and smiling.

We took her to skating with us today. Again, Nick thought she said she wanted to try so he got her skates. Guess what? She took one look at those skates and said no way! She met about 10000 people today, including Joe and Dina and the kids. She was just a little overwhelmed, but she was a good sport about it. We exchanged valentines with the homeschoolers today and she was a REALLY good sport about that! Talk about culture shock! Everyone was so wonderful and welcoming. It was really great.

So far it is going well. She seems very comfortable around the house, anxious to help with dishes or laundry. She knows where everything is that she needs. She really seems to like hanging with Taishauna, so they have been playing games and doing crafts. Avena is very shy, and self-concious, but I guess anyone in her situation would be.

Finally...

2010-02-03T16:19:00.015-05:00

Okay, so we paint the bedrooms. We move Taishauna into hers. We haven't moved the boys into theirs yet. I wake up Monday morning and decide to try and hang wallpaper border instead of putting my house back together...cuz that makes sense, right? That afternoon the boys and I go over to Jeaneans to finalize our lesson plans for our first day of co-op. I get a call at 3:45 from the adoption agency. Wants to know if I got the email saying I had to fly to Miami the next day to pick up Avena. WHAT??

Seriously, I didn't hear another word she said! I pack up the kids, go to Surf Taco to pick up Taishauna, go home. Yeah, sure, I can be ready by tomorrow morning!

Call Joe and tell him I am dropping the kids off at 6:15. And he and Dina say, "of course, no problem, don't worry about a thing." It's like a dream to have someone in your life like that....Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Spend the night (until 2:30) putting the house back together, packing for me and the kids, getting the stuff for the co-op together so Jeanean can pick it up and running to the store to buy things for Avena.

Really we thought we had a few more days. The papers were dropped off at the Haitian embassy on Thursday. In what universe would they be ready for travel on Monday!

Anyway, we hop on a plane to Miami Tuesday morning. We are told that the children are coming in Monday evening and we will have to work with the refugee representative at the airport. We go to the hotel first to check in (and in full disclosure I had to color my hair!) We get emails and phone calls...we don't know when the flight is coming in, we don't know where the flight is coming in!, the airport people won't talk to anyone until the plane is in-route, etc.

At 3:00 we decide to go to the mall to pick up more stuff for Avena and get something to eat. We take a taxi, shop a little, order pizza and sit down to eat. I get a phone call. The plane has left, it will land at 6:20, the kids will be taken to a group home, get over there now so we can be ready to take them home!!!

Shit.

Call a taxi, hook up with another family from the hotel and ride the 15 miles to the group home.

By now my emotions and stress levels are so crazy that my body does not even know how to deal.

Oh, wait. The kids won't get here till after midnight. You won't see them tonight, we will try to process them tomorrow, but we can't make any promises.

We go back to the hotel. Nick goes to rent a car. The next morning we take our time because they won't let us see the kids till 10. We meet a lot of other families and head over to the home. As we walk in they are calling our name! Avena's paperwork is processed! Come with us to meet her. Well, actually, come with us so we can show you where to wait!

Finally, the kids start coming in. Talk about crazy and emotional. We are all in a hallway. The kids don't speak english, the families don't really speak creole, and everyone is stressed out to the max! Lots and lots of tears. Avena walked in and her face lit up when she saw us. We hugged and kissed and took pictures and smiled alot!

We had to hang around another hour or two to get the completed paperwork. Avena is the strongest bravest girl I know. She helped take care of all the kids on the plane and at the home. She was the oldest by far, and all the families were counting on her to help calm their kids down and translate for them! She just smiled and smiled.

We agree to stay over another night so all the kids can see each other at the hotel and get some kind of closure. We go back to the hotel with Avena and turn on the disney channel. She watches it all afternoon and laughs and laughs! Her laugh is infectious. We get with the other families, talk, take pictures, and go get something to eat.

Lisa, who is from the Holt and traveled with the kids from Haiti, comes to our room to visit. We get a phone number for a girl that was adopted from the village two years ago and we call her. Avena talks to her for a long time in creole. Her name is Katiana and she is so excited! She gets me on the phone and is just bubbling over with excitement. Wants me to set up an email account for Avena as soon as we get home.

We settle down, get some sleep and head home on Thursday. The flight and the trips to and from the airport are long. I am sure Avena is scared, nervous and exhausted, but she puts on a brave face. She accepts the freitos from the food tray on the plane, but hands Nick the turkey sandwich. He hands her his bag of freitos!

We get home and everyone is very excited. We all hug and introduce Avena. The boys act shy at first. We show Avena her room and let her get settled. I got an email from Katianas mom. She tells me to call if I need anything. She explains how the first weeks are fantastic and awkward all at the same time! Avena follows Taishauna around at first. We spend the afternoon trying to get their room straightened out and put stuff away.

Yesterday we spent the day running around. Taishauna worked and we went shopping for all the stuff Avena needs. Last night I took Taishauna and Avena to a youth group meeting at the UUCMC. It seemed to go well. Avena laughed alot, but she is so tired.

Today we woke up to snow. A lot of snow. The boys started to bundle up to go out and so did Avena! I got her all bundled and she went out and had a snow ball fight with Sammy. Then came in and passed out on the couch!

I am going to try and post alot now so I have a record of her first days. I don't think I did it enough with Johnley.

Perspective

2010-02-01T01:22:00.003-05:00

On January 12th we had our first meeting for our new co-op. We had been ice skating the day before and had decided to go every week. Taishauna and I were tossing around ideas on decorating the rooms for when we made the big switch. These were the things that were occupying our mind. Ordinary, everyday things that you think are important.

Then we turned on the news.

At first, there was just a few people talking, speculating really, because no one was there yet. Our first reaction was to go online and see where the earthquake hit in relation to Fontana Village. We couldn't determine if they had been affected.

As we watched the news unfold, the horrors emerged. We were used to the images of a poverty stricken Haiti, but the images of the devastation were beyond anything we had ever seen.

The next morning we received the fantastic news that the kids in the village were not hurt, Monsour's family was okay. We weren't sure if there were any structural damage, but we were so relieved to find out that the kids were okay.

It wasn't until Thursday night that it hit us. There was no way we were going to be able proceed with the adoption because the very courts in Haiti were gone. And if we didn't finish by September, we would not be able to adopt Avena because she would be 16 and unable to be adopted. We spent about 24 hours feeling sick to our stomach.

On Sunday morning, we decided to write a letter. To the president. Of both countries. It had to be the letter to end all letters. We would send it to everyone, everyone. Maybe someone could help us.

By Monday morning we began hearing from our adoption agency. The US govt. had decided to grant humanitarian visas for all adoptions that were already in progress and met certain criteria. We had to get copies of paperwork, scan Nicks passport and email it. Register with the Joint Committee on International Adoptions. We heard back right away and were very encouraged. Then we got an email asking for our copy of the adoptions decree. That we don't have.

We went back to panic for a little while, but then were assured that our case did meet the criteria and we were moving forward. We got our papers all together and submitted them to the Department of Homeland Security.

Then things started moving. Sort of. The adoption agency was sending a flurry of emails everyday. A group from the agency flew to Haiti to help with the kids and help bring them to the Haitian Embassy and set up travel to US. What? When?

Okay, we might want to start painting bedrooms and getting ready!

So the last week has been a little crazy. We've switched bedrooms, painted walls and made room for Avena. We have met with the social worker to update our paperwork. We need to buy clothes for her to wear home from whatever city she flies into.

So the bottom line: Avena is coming home. Soon. We just don't know when. Or where.

This major event is happening to our family a little sooner than expected, but not soon enough. We have been working on this process for two years, but now that it is here we are all wondering what to expect. We have no idea who Avena is. What kind of girl is she? Is she happy to be coming? or sad? Probably both.

Time Flies...

2009-10-11T16:38:00.003-04:00

Can you believe this little sweetee is DRIVING????

Priceless...

2009-10-11T15:53:00.003-04:00

Cost of going to New York? $50? (gas, tolls, parking, etc.)

Cost of going to Madam Tussauds $31 (Holy sh##!)

Meeting up with friends after 18 (gasp!) years??? PRICELESS!

update

2009-06-18T14:40:00.000-04:00

It's been waaaay too long since I've posted. Just thought you might enjoy this. The boys discovered these tea sets that I was going to give to Cara and insisted on using them. They have been doing it just about every day now!

No Training Wheels

2009-04-30T10:30:00.003-04:00

Okay, no time to post, but its all about keeping up with Sammy around here...

And NO ONE is prouder of his brother than Sammy! "Mom, he wearned to top and tuwn in ONE day!"

Loose Tooth

2009-02-25T05:05:00.004-05:00

Sammy lost his first tooth last night. It had only been loose for a few days, I'm not sure how long these things last, but it seemed fast. I thought it was going to be much more torturous than it was. The first night it was loose, he would not shut up about it. Really. To the point that the whole family was throwing their hands up in the air in frustration. But after the first night we all but forgot about it.

A few days ago he started worrying because he doesn't believe in the tooth fairy. I'm not sure what he knows about the tooth fairy. I may have answered a few questions but I'm pretty sure he got his information from siblings and cousins. Maybe friends. He was strutting around saying "Really, I don't believe in the tooth fairy. I think it is Mommy or Daddy that puts money under the pillow." I don't know who he was trying to convince because no one was arguing with him.

That all went out the window last night, though, when his tooth came out. There are a few fuzzy details having to do with a blanket near his mouth that Taishauna yanked, but no one is being really forthcoming. (Probably because Sammy didn't want to admit that the blanket was in his mouth and Taishauna didn't want to admit she pulled it as hard as she did!) Nonetheless, the tooth is out.

It is a very small tooth. I mean, really, really small. So Sammy immediately became concerned that it was going to get lost. He tried to come up with some ideas, like a small shoe box to put under his pillow, but I convinced him to just tie it into a sandwich bag. I couldn't resist teasing him at that point that I didn't know what would happen since he doesn't sleep in his bed. (Really, I don't even know why they have beds.) He got very frustrated with me. "Mom, really. What will the tooth fairy do? Should I put the tooth in here or in my bed?" I told him I honestly didn't know. I always slept in my bed as a child, and so did Taishauna. I have never had a child who lost a tooth and slept in my bed. So I didn't know what would happen. Kinda mean, I know, but you have to get your ya yas in where you can!

Well, he decided to put it under his pillow in my bed and proceeded to check for it every three minutes during story time. Every. three. minutes. And not just to see if the bag is there, but to check the bag and make sure the tooth is still there. This is a problem because of the ridiculous way my life works. While I am reading stories, and until the boys fall asleep, I sleep in the middle. Then I switch with Sammy so I am on the outside. So this pillow he was checking under was mine!

Finally, he fell asleep. He is not awake yet, but I'm pretty sure the tooth fairy came.

And just so I know that it is only just beginning, Johnley woke me up at 4am to tell me that he just dreamed about a tooth!

Update: Okay, the tooth fairy must be male (funny, I always envisioned female with the tutu and wand, oh well) because the money fell off the bed. So the boy woke up and thought he didn't get anything. (Of course it could be that the tooth fairies wife suggested a coin instead of a bill, ya think?) Anyway, all's well that ends well.

Happenings

2009-02-18T09:15:00.012-05:00

Okay, so I've been meaning to do a post about why I love homeschooling and winter for...

this...

Who says you can't build a snowmam that is one foot high!! (That's my Nick, "She wants me to build a snowman with the boys? Fine, I'll build a snowman. There. A snowman!")

this...

Pro ice skaters now, video to follow.

and this...

There is nothing more fun than sledding.....

....unless it is tubing.

and maybe even this,

Yup, that is a little red fox, right outside our car window at Mercer County Park. Cool, huh?

Question

2009-01-31T09:30:00.006-05:00

Okay, which is cuter? (imagine singing/yelling)

"And Dansas her day is the name of her dar!"
Or
"And Kansas she says is the name of her star."

Would someone please tell Nick to stop teaching him correct annunciation!

Winter Blues

2009-01-19T15:06:00.005-05:00

Sammy was in the hospital a few weeks ago. We went to the ER at 11pm Sat. nite and he was admitted at 6 am. I really didn't expect him to be admitted, I figured that they would just give him a shot of steroids and that would do it. But they kept him until Monday night. He was so pitiful on Sunday, it was horrible. His whole chest and back would collapse for every breath he took. I am not quite clear on why it took so long and so many shots of steroids to clear up.

Only a nut would take a picture of her kid in the emergency room, but I had my camera in my purse and those little tiny hospital gowns are so cute! I had never seen one before. So...

He needed a gown because he threw up 6 times. All. over. the. place. Including my car and the parking lot. Good Times.

Anyway, once the steroids finally kicked in, the only bad part of the stay was that he was on a restricted diet. And actually, it was the quietest, most relaxing two days I have had in a long time!

So that was a few weeks ago. Now he is on breathing treatments as a preventative measure, except they didn't work because he is sick again. All three of my kids have a cold and a sore throat, but of course Sammy's went right to his chest. He woke up the other morning with a temp. of 104.6 and really struggling to breath. I gave him a treatment and motrin and just held him. If they didn't do the trick I was going to the hospital. But they did, so I called the Dr. and brought both boys in.

Johnley has a cold, just needs Dimetapp. Sammy has a double ear infection. He is on antibiotics, steroids, allegra, singulair, and breathing treatments every four hours. Winter, winter blues.

We have been unable to play in the snow or go anywhere all weekend. I feel like the germs are just multiplying in the house and I keep wiping everything I can touch with antibacterial wipes.

The routine is the boys have a fever and are quiet and still and miserable. Then the motrin kicks in and they run around like lunatics and drive me crazy. And the the temp goes up and they.......

Winter, winter blues....

Two days in a row, I got up with Nick at the crack of dawn. Of course Sammy got up right after I did because he's got mommy radar. The first morning Johnley woke up a little early and said, Hey, where is everyone?

The next morning he came out to the family room soon after us and said, "Why do you guys keep leaving me?"

It is too early for them to be up so we all traipse back to bed. Johnley points to Nick's shoes at the bottom of the bed and says, "See, this is what I'm talking about. These shoes shouldn't be here!"

I say while trying to keep a straight face, "Well, this is Daddy's bedroom." Johnley says, "I could trip over them and hurt myself! Is that what you want?"

Now, mind you, we are still all half asleep at this point. I can't hold it in any longer and I start laughing hysterically. Johnley starts getting mad because he thinks I am laughing at him. I explain that I am laughing because he is so funny and I think he is adorable. "I am?" he says. "Yes, you are." "Well then why don't you throw Sammy up in the sky and just cuddle with me?"

Winter Blues....

Matilda Fiona Vanduyne

2009-01-10T10:05:00.001-05:00

Our sweet Grandma will be missed. She passed away last night. Nick had been with her all day. He has been able to spend alot of time with her in these past few weeks and is extremely grateful for that. She was at peace with going and being with those that have gone before her. They spent many hours praying together, and that memory has helped Nick immensely.

The kids are very upset, understandably. Sammy especially has a million questions and cried himself to sleep last night. Because Taishauna has known all along she has had more time to get used to the idea. We have spent some time talking about all our good memories and have been able to smile through the tears.

I'm not sure how to handle the upcoming days. I had assumed the boys would not come to most of the services, but now I think maybe Sammy will need more closure than I thought. He keeps saying, "How do you know she is dead, maybe she is just sleeping." So we will have to figure this one out.

Goodbye Mattie, you will be missed, but alive forever in our memories.

Home Schooling

2009-01-02T10:56:00.003-05:00

Okay, I know I owe my loyal viewers lots of holiday pictures and updates, not to mention info about Sammy's hospital stay. And that is all coming, I swear. But first, for your entertainment:

Yesterday Sammy's uncle said, "Hey Sam, I want to see if your mother is teaching you anything. What is 1+1?"

Sammy didn't know.

Actually, Sammy might have been asked, "Does your mother teach you anything?"

And Sammy told me later, "I lied, and said yes!"

(You see, Sammy and the rest of the ill-informed public believes that you can only learn by doing stupid worksheets.)

This morning, before 9am, here are a smattering of questions Sammy asked me.

"Mom, what are white blood cells?"
"What is bacteria?"
"Why do grownups have hair on their privates?"
"Why don't men have boobs?"
"Does everyone have nipples?"
"Can poop come out of your penis?"
"When you drink water, does it immediately come out as pee?"
"Do white blood cells have mouths?"
"How can you bend if you have bones?"
"Do you have hair on your legs?"
"What if you and Dad die and we are still little kids?"
"How come it seems warm in here now, but earlier this room seemed cold? How does that work?"

Yeah, poor kid, not learning anything.

(And we won't even mention the complete joy his father and I felt about him being quizzed like that!)

Yes Sammy, there really is a Santa Claus

2008-12-17T06:12:00.003-05:00

Sammy doesn't believe in Santa. Actually, his exact words, "Mommy, I have a problem. I don't believe is Jesus or Santa Claus."

Have no idea where this came from. A few weeks ago he was asking questions about how Santa does what he does and I told him that Santa is magic. And Sammy decided that there is no such thing as magic so Santa must not be real. When asked where all the presents come from, he said that everybody just buys them. And when you have an aunt like Teri, I can see how you would think that.

So we schlepped all the way to Macy's in NYC to see the 'real' Santa. We stopped at the mailbox to send our official letters and then went to see the big guy. For someone who doesn't believe, he sure had a list of stuff for Santa to get him. Johnley got shy and then wondered later if Santa knew what he wanted even tho he didn't say anything. I assured him that he would. (While we were writing the letters Johnley said, "I guess I have to tell him that I've been bad every day!" I told him that he has also been good every day so we will just go with that one!)

So if anyone would like to come to my house on Christmas Eve dressed as the big guy and let Sammy catch you, let me know!

Awesome!

2008-12-11T14:50:00.001-05:00

Check this out....

Avena's Christmas

2008-12-11T14:22:00.003-05:00

Adoption is funny.

It is a matter of fact around here, everyone is adopted. Between taking care of foster children and adopting, we are used to loving other peoples children as our own. Our children are used to accepting other children into their lives as brothers and sisters.

But this one is different. Avena is 14. It may take another year for her to come home. But she is my daughter. I have never met her, but she occupies my thoughts and a piece of my heart. I can't imagine what she is going through. Well, hell, I can't imagine what her life up to this point has been like, but I am now referring to how she feels about us.

So it has been brought to my attention that I can send Avena letters, cards, photos and such. I guess I should have been doing this all along. So we all set out to write her a letter.

What do you say to a girl that you don't know?

Well, if you are Sammy you say this:

Dear Avena,
I'm happy you are coming here and I love my mom and my dad and my brother and my sister and I'm really happy you are coming here. I hope you have a nice Christmas and I hope you have a good time. I am 5 and I like playing baseball with my dad and like going outside and playing on the swing set with my brother and playing games with my family.
Love Sam

Johnley:
Dear Avena,
I'm happy you are going to be my sister. I have to sleep in my own bed. I like my mom and the rest of my family. The pool is closed now but I like to swim in it when it is open.
Love,
Johnley

And dear sweet Taishauna,
Dear Avena
Hey, I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. I can't wait for you to come. We do all sorts of cool and fun things like ice skating and bowling. I am home schooled and we belong to a club called 4H and we do a whole lot of fun stuff. On December 4th we are having a food drive. The 4H club will collect food and it will be given to people who need it. We have two 5 year old brothers, one is Sammy and the other one is Johnley. He is from fontana Village in Haiti just like you. I don't know if you remember him. It would actually be good if you knew Johnley, this way you wouldn't be totally scared. You shouldn't be scared anyway. We don't bite. I am so glad that I am getting a sister. I am so tired of living with 2 brothers and no sisters. Ive always wanted a sister. I had a foster sister names Destinee a really long time ago before Sammy and Johnley were born. Anyway she was a foster child so she went to live with her Aunt in Texas and I never saw her again it was so sad. I am 15 years old. There are a lot of girls close to our age so you will have a lot of friends including me. I will never leave your side. I will always be there for you. We are going to share the same room. We have a trampoline and a pool and a swing set all in the back yard. Can't wait to see you.

From our sister Taishauna.
P.S. I love you

Cabin fever

2008-11-26T14:21:00.003-05:00

What do you do with your kids when they are sick and have been stuck in the house for what seems like forever.....Let them go deep sea diving!

Something to think about

2008-11-26T14:20:00.002-05:00

Johnley: "I'm not going back to Haiti cuz Santa Claus doesn't know where Haiti is."

A year of Johnley

2008-11-12T09:54:00.012-05:00

The adoption agency I used for Johnley works with a couple in Haiti with the last name of Fontana. The village where Johnley lived was named for them (so was this blog). I have been asked to write a letter for them so they can see in writing how 'their kids' are doing. I don't know much about them except that they had a day school down there and after encountering hundreds of children begging on the street, they realized they needed to open an orphanage. So they did. They began working with Holt when Haiti opened it's doors to international adoptions.

So I thought I would kill two birds with one stone, as it were, and add this to my blog.

Tomorrow is Johnley's finalization day. It is basically just a formality, but exciting none-the-less. I can't believe he has been here for a year already. So he has been through one round of the holidays, rituals, etc. This year when he anticipates Christmas, it will be from some type of memory, something to go on. It was never more clear to me how many holidays we celebrate than when I saw them through Johnley's eyes.

He has got the daily life down pat. He and Sammy take turns being the boss. He does plenty of stuff on his own. (he is always the one to ask to use the Wii to play the Mario racing game...so Sammy just watches.) He joins Sammy on these elaborate role playing games. First they put costumes on - usually the Power Rangers. Then they put clothes on over them, button down shirts because they have to go to work. Then Johnley is the Dad and Sammy is the son. Dad takes son on a tour of the house. They collect stuff they need for work and it goes on from there.

He now believes that daily dessert is a God given right, and has been known to walk through the door after a birthday party where he consumed 10lbs. of sugar and ask "What are we having for dessert?"

He knows that I lay with Sammy until he falls asleep (which is usually 2 minutes) and then I lay with Johnley until he falls asleep (which is usually a little longer than 2 minutes!). He knows that he can pick his own breakfast, and that I have become accustomed to preparing chicken noodle soup or chili for breakfast.

He knows that he has to take turns picking out the movie and using the remote - for inside the house or in the car. He knows where all his clothes are and how to get dressed. He also knows Mommy will dress him if he asks.

When he first came here he had many tantrums. They were all because he didn't understand. They were also all because he thought he was getting the raw end of the deal. He was (and is) very aware of fairness, and any perceived unfairness will be met with anger, crying, throwing stuff (usually pillows). When he first came here, before he could speak the language, he would take his clothes off when he was angry. At one point he would pee on the floor. I assumed that was because it was the only thing he had control over.

Now he gets angry and yells. But it is getting better. He is usually able to almost immediately stop and come and get a hug. He says he is sorry and will try harder to be good. Mostly he is happy. He has the most beautiful laugh.

He loves watching TV and playing computer games. He loves to dance. He loves kisses and hugs. He loves his sister and brother. And he loves his friends, of which he has many. He loves jumping on the trampoline and playing on the swings. At the beginning of the summer, he would only play on the steps of the pool. By the end of the summer he was jumping of the diving board, swimming like a fish.

He loves playing, but is very intimidated by groups. He is on Sammy's soccer team, but will only do the practice, is not comfortable playing with the other kids. Recently we went to a friends farm where he was not afraid to ride the horse, but was afraid to the potato sack race.

He is learning his colors, numbers, letters with enthusiasm. He likes saying what we are thankful for everyday, and will remind us if we forget to do it. He loves riding his bike (he got a new one for his birthday). He loves playing on the swing sets and wrestling with his father and his brother.

He doesn't remember his birth language, he forgot that almost immediately, but he has a picture of his birth mother. I don't think he really remembers her, but sometimes he pretends he does. Its nice for him to know there is someone else out there in the world, thinking of him and loving him.

It has been a year of learning, of loving. Of trials and triumphs. He has made a permanent place for himself in this family. It has been of year of happy, of sad, of confused and comfortable.

Tomorrow is Johnley's finalization day, his day of permanence. He will forever and always be a part of our family. He is already a part of our hearts.

He woke up at 5:30 am today and began calling Sammy a 'STUPID MORON' because he realized that Sammy was sleeping next to me and he wasn't. At 5:30am I was wondering what would happen if we didn't show up tomorrow to sign the papers!

I told him I was writing about him. I told him I was writing about him being angry. He said "You are?" "Why don't you write about me being cute?"

So here he is cute.

2008-11-01T21:34:00.001-04:00

These past few weeks have been very difficult with Johnley. Well really, the past few months. Well really, this past year! But lately its been harder than usual. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure if we are just tired of it, or if it is actually getting worse or what. But if we think it is harder on us, it is even harder for Johnley. He is struggling so much now to figure out his place. He has also been very sad lately. He will just burst into tears and come running for a hug. He said the other day he was going to go back to Haiti when he grows up. I can't even imagine what he is going through. Maybe its time to read some of those books about children grieving.

My very wise friend Pam has pointed out to me that each of my children need some time alone with me. And she is right. I need to start taking them out seperately and spend some time with them alone. That would probably do wonders for both Johnley and Sammy, but especially Johnley.

The never ending Halloween

2008-11-01T14:46:00.013-04:00

We have been celebrating Halloween for two weeks! We carved pumkins, made chocolate lollipops and withches (or are they bats, I can't tell!)

First we went to a costume birthday party as ninjas.

Next we went to a celbration at Georgian Court College. We changed to thing 1 and thing 2.

Then it was a halloween party at church.

Then a halloween party with the homeschoolers. Now we have switched to Power Rangers!

Then trick or treating with a group of friends.

Then trunk or treating at the Brick soccer complex

Then trick or treating on our street.

Then trick or treating with our cousins.

Then visiting Aunt Teri...

and Aunt Ilene.

Finally, halloween is OVER!

worth noting

2008-10-23T09:05:00.003-04:00

Just in case you were wondering how the whole mumps thing is going...

Sammy: Mom, want to hear the song I was singing?

M: ok.

Sammy: Mommy loves Johnley, and not meeeeee. Mommy takes care of Johnley and not meeee.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday we had to go the the Holt office in Trenton so I could speak to parents who are going to adopt. While I was with them, Johnley wandered into one of the offices and saw our two presidential candidates on the computer screen. After stating that he knows who they are, he tells the woman, "I want Obama to win because he is black like me!"

I guess pointing to Obama for the last 4 months and saying, "This is going to be our first black president" has had some effect!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While in the aforementioned meeting, I was reminded of some of Johnley's behavior when he first came here. It is hard to believe that I had forgotten some of this, but obvious that I need to record it! When he first came here he:

refused to wear a coat, no matter what the weather.
once inside, would strip off all his clothes.
would strip the bed of all sheets, blankets and pillows.
would lock himself in the room 900 times a day. (we finally removed the doorknob. It is just now back on!)
would sit at the counter, pick up his bowl of food or glass of juice, look us in the eye and dump it on the floor.
would stand in the middle of the bathroom, look us in the eye, and pee all over the floor!

Thankfully, all that behavior is a thing of the past. Now he has come up with new and creative ways to make me crazy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sammy had a dream last week that I peeled my face off and I was a lizard. He refused to sleep next to me for four days. As he said, "I just can't be sure that its not true!" So now I'm affectionately known around here as the lizard. I guess it could have been worse....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have been world travelers this week. I promise a post with pics in the very near future.

We have the Mumps

2008-10-07T09:14:00.002-04:00

We went to the Doctor yesterday thinkin Johnley had an ear infection. He complained Saturday that his ear hurt. I asked him if it hurt on the inside or the outside and he changed his answer 3 times. By Sunday night he had a knot behind his ear, that I thought was swollen glands. By monday morning it had gotten more swollen, but I still thought it was an earache.

The Dr. checked him out, and said he has a slight infection. Then he looked at his neck and immediately said, 'Oh, that's mumps'! I was horrified!

We had started the immunizations, but took the summer off! I don't know if we had would have gotten the MMR by now, or not. But at the time I felt horrible.

I had no idea what mumps was. For all I knew it was like polio. I mean, why else would there be a vaccine for it? The Dr. started to explain it to me, and it didn't sound that bad. It is an infection of some gland (I forget the name) and there is no treatment. It last about three weeks, and for children there are usually no side effects. I really wanted to say, 'Then why on earth do you vaccinate for it?'

So it turns out that it can be bad for teenagers or adults, but not so much for kids.

It hurts, tho, so everytime the motrin wears off, he cries. He feels fine, so he wants to jump around, and then it hurts.

Here is the little dude. Does he look pitiful, or what

Here he is smiling, tho. Much cuter!

Birthdays and such

2008-09-17T06:11:00.011-04:00

What do you do when you have 20 or so people coming to your house in a few hours for a pool party? Do you vacumm your pool? Make some food? Clean your house? No, you update your blog!

There have been so many things I wanted to post about but haven't had time.

First of all...

This little beauty is 15 today. Happy birthday munch!

Her birthday celebration included a trip to NY with our friends Pam and Rachel to see Grease and all that is New York.

The celebration continued with a mini pool party and scrumptious cakes.

Still to come: a day of pampering with her aunt and a weekend in the city with her cousin. Not a bad way to welcome in the 16th year.

Meanwhile, we celebrated Johnley's actual birthday with his friend 'Chuck'

And received the best present ever...thanks Roxanne, Riley and Griffen!

We went to a picnic given by the Holt Adoption agency for NJ families and met all kinds of wonderful people. Around here we talk about birthmoms and such once in while. Whenever someone is having a baby or pregnant or whatever, but otherwise it really doesn't come up. At the picnic, after playing with a new found friend, Sammy came up to me and asked me whose belly he was in. When I hesitated for a second, he said, "My birthmom?" and I said yes and he said, "So did my new friend!"

I'd really like to know what that conversation was like!

We played our first game of soccer

And started Sunday school. Which we love! (it was a little touch and go at first, but its all good now!)

And last but not least, this little angel turned 14 on Sept. 3rd. Happy, happy birthday, Avena!

Johnley's Birthday Party

2008-09-02T09:21:00.007-04:00

Good times, good times.

This is Johnley. On his very first birthday (party). First thing in the am! He woke up on Sunday practically bursting. We had been doing the countdown to the birthday and he knew this was the day. He had to keep his hand over his mouth because he couldn't control his smile!

This is when he saw his new bike!

And here is a video of him opening a present from Duncan, Cole and Grady. Thanks guys!

We had a wonderful, Diego-themed party, complete with jungle vines (thanks daddy and Taishauna)! The big hit of the party was the water balloons. Poor Joe sat for over an hour filling them up, and most everybody decided to hit him. (His nieces were actually giddy over the idea!) Unfortunately I didn't get any pictures. Hopefully someone else did and I will post them when I get them.

After we blew out the candles, I went into the house to get a knife, and everyone tried to talk Johnley into biting the cake - somewhat of a tradition in our family - but he wouldn't have it.

Here is the video. Keep in mind that the person operating the camera was celebrating her 31st birthday and was slightly intoxicated!

Actually, he was a little concerned that everyone was going to eat his cake! And they did.
Especially Cara!

We went into the house to open presents and here a little bit of what that looked like.

So many people came and everyone made it a wonderful day. He was one happy, happy, little boy.

The best part of the whole day was when I put Johnley to bed. He was utterly, completely 100%, satisfied. "Mommy, that was the best party ever."

Update on the sleeping arrangements.

2008-08-22T12:20:00.002-04:00

Well the best laid plans....

The first night was a disaster. The second and third nights Johnley stayed in his bed all night. Sammy, not so much. He is determined to sleep with me. I wish there was a good answer here. If he wants to sleep with me that much, I want him to. But then Johnley can't be left out (although, I don't think he really cares one way or another - he just wants it to be fair!). And then Nick and I don't get enough sleep.

Ah, the joys!

Happenings

2008-08-19T16:58:00.003-04:00

First of all.... How cool is this hair style? We LOVE it!

Secondly... Check this out...

No that is not actually Joe Jonas of the Jonas Bros. It is a rendition of him made out of icing...by my daughter...on her FIRST try ever of doing the cake topper. Awesome isn't it?

And...

Cost of new bedspreads? $38

Cost of new lamp? $7.00

Cost of Wall-E pillow? $11.00 (I know, it made me sick too)
Getting your boys to sleep in their own beds? Priceless.

Ha! I always wanted to use that line. I wouldn't actually know how great it is because last night was a big fat failure! But we are not giving up...It is going to happen...It is...It really is....

Maturity

2008-08-14T09:33:00.002-04:00

Okay, after yesterday's COMPLETELY immature act of waking T up at 6am, I feel I have redeemed myself.

You see, Sammy (and now Johnley) have taken to putting their spider man costumes on over their clothes and then putting long pants and long-sleeved shirts on over them....so they can really be Peter Parker - have spider sense- and rip off their clothes to be spider man.

You have no idea how much more cleaning up and possible laundry is involved here. I think its really cute, but I REALLY wish they would stop doing it. At least take it down to 1 or 2 days a week, instead a 1 or 2 times a day!

Anyway, the other day Sammy came out with this outfit on and I blurted out, "Now you just look fat." I had no idea he would be so offended. (where does a 5 year old slim kid get such an aversion to being called fat?) I quickly told him I was only kidding and he did indeed look like Peter Parker.

Now for the mature part. As I was tying his shoe today (he had taken the costume and extra clothes off because we were leaving the house) I realized that all I had to do was tell him that every time he put those outfits on he just looked fat. Then he would probably never do it again. And I would have killed a little boys heart just a little. So I kept my mouth shut.

Universe: 787377373211 Me: 1

The joys of parenting

2008-08-13T12:20:00.003-04:00

One would think because I have two boys, ages 4 and 5, they would be the hard ones. And they are not easy, let me tell you.

We have the noise. Ah, there is so much noise. We certainly didn't need any help, but we got it anyway!

And then there are the toys, ouy! the toys. The equipment, the must haves, the mess!

And don't forget the energy. Active, active, active. Never stop. EVER.

But nothing compares to the drama of a girl. A teenage girl. Oh, the drama!

LOL! But sooooo worth it!

The day after the middle of the night antics

2008-08-13T08:54:00.002-04:00

So before 8am today, I got into Sammy's face and told him that I am the boss of him and he DOES have to do what I say.

I reminded Johnley and Taishauna that I was the boss of them, too, and they did have to listen to me - all the time.

All this because I am mad at Nick.

Can someone please explain to me why it bothers me so much that Nick goes to the gym everyday and rides 20-40 miles two to three times a week? It make me CRAZY. (And I can say anything I want here because I know he won't look at this site. Even tho he knows about it. Even tho I have shown him the site more than once. Yeah, I'm not bitter!)

Anyway, it doesn't matter that he was up in the middle of the night. He NEVER misses the gym. And he does these bike rides that are like superhuman. Why can't he devote some of that energy and determination to his family?

oh well, more fodder for therapy.

And to all you evil people...Yes, it has occurred to me that it bothers me because I can't exercise to save my life, literally! And to you I say...bite me.

Middle of the night antics

2008-08-13T07:39:00.003-04:00

Last night Johnley wet the bed. He woke Nick up and Nick brought him into the bathroom to change. When Johnley realized he didn't have any more pjs that were shorts he had a fit. (He only likes to wear 'little pants'!) Screamed and yelled and refused to come back to bed. "Stupid head" was thrown around a few times. Finally he climbed into his bed and fell asleep. A little while later he came back into our bed. Needless to say, we lost a little sleep.

Then the kitten came into our bed this morning and woke Sammy at 6. Aaaarrrrggggghhhh!

So what did I do? I did the only mature thing that I could and woke Taishauna up! She doesn't want the kitten sleeping in her bed because she is dirty! So I figured since its Taishaunas cat and it woke me up, then Taishauna could get up too! Very mature.

So now we are all tired and grumpy!! Yup, it's gonna be a great day.

Oh yeah, and our neighbor gave us a drum set! Yup, it's all good.

This and That

2008-08-10T14:52:00.005-04:00

The really big news is that Taishauna went to the Jonas Bros. concert at Bryant Park for the Good Morning America show.

And in her words, "It was so totally awesome!". A great friend won two VIP wristbands and generously gave them to Taishauna. (Thank you, Sue!) At first she wanted to go with one of us, to be with an adult, but then decided to brave it with a friend. Nick took them up there at 4 am and ended up getting in with them. They were right up front and had an excellent view!

Sammy and Johnley both got their hair cut.

This is a before picture. I don't know if you can really tell, but both of them had pretty long hair. This picture is from the Radio Disney Show. And this picture is about the only good thing from that show! Actually, this may turn out to be our Christmas picture this year!

And here they are after...too cute.

We had to put grease in Johnley's hair and so Sammy wanted some too! Do-rags all around!

And this picture is just to show you the kind of stuff I wake up to. Not the messy part, that's normal, its the booby trap that Sammy had set up that threw me!

Anyway, the boys are sick now. Last week we had something going on everyday and we have NOTHING planned for this week, which turns out good! They both have colds, Johnley has a fever. He brings new meaning to the the idea of 'the medicine kicked in'! He will be totally lethargic with a fever, absolutely pitiful. And then when the medicine kicks in he becomes a crazy man. Very, very, very silly! We are all spoiling him rotten because this is the first time he has been sick since he's been here, and the first time he has EVER gotten TLC!

Okay, so I promise, promise, promise I am going to post more. I am supposed to be journaling all the stuff the kids do and I haven't been. See you soon!

power struggle

2008-08-04T16:00:00.003-04:00

(This is a post I had started last week.. finally finished)

It is so very interesting to observe Sammy and Johnley. Sammy has learned, little by little, that I am the boss. He needs to do what I say. He may decide to fight me, but it is usually worth it too him. For all the little stuff through out the day, way easier to just go along.

Not so with Johnley. He feels no loyalty, no reason to keep me happy. He lives for the moment, right now and to hell with any consequences. He is absolutely convinced that everyone in the world is out to rip him off. His first reaction to everything is no. Not just no, but NNNNOOOOOO!

I am not doing schoolwork, I am not brushing my teeth, I am not cleaning. What, cleaning? NNNNOOOOOOOO!

Sammy will go to great lengths to be Taishaunas buddy. If she blesses him with her time, he will act like he is 15 to keep it going, play whatever she wants, try to keep her interacting.

Not so with Johnley. He will just as soon tell her off than play with her.

He doesn't know or understand the hierarchy that is already in place in the world, so he ignores it all. He will go to a family party and go right up to either the coolest person there, or the person that nobody really wants to talk to. Its all the same to him.

There are things that he learned quickly. He began to negotiate with Sammy right away, if you let me I'll let you kind of stuff. He finally learned what is acceptable for breakfast, although we had to meet halfway there. I remember one day he threw a fit because he wanted popcorn. If memory serves, we gave in because we were on our way to soccer! But now breakfast is usually last night's dinner. Does not like regular breakfast food, no way, no how!

He woke up (too early) this am and immediately began crying because he wanted me to fix his camera. NOW! I told him we need a new special battery, he wanted me to go get it NOW. I ignored him and he said fine, I'm going to sit on the kitchen floor all day! I went and took a shower and spiderman was on TV. Guess where he is? Yup, watching TV. Somethings are universal!

Radio Disney

2008-07-25T08:50:00.002-04:00

If you are wondering why all the posting, its because I decided to post w/o pictures. Way faster. The pictures will all come later.

Markeese won us tickets to The Radio Disney Block Party! He is so funny. Wait till I tell him, he will be amused. I will have to send him a thank you gift!

It is really geared for young children. He would like it, but its more for Sammy and Johnley's speed. Which is perfect. Cuz that who's goin! T is also, but not very happy about it! We will be sure to take lots of pictures and post them later

Thanks, Markeese!

comments

2008-07-25T08:48:00.001-04:00

Comments I love:

me: "We are having Johnley's birthday on the sunday of Labor day weekend"

other: "Great, now EVERY weekend in August is filled!"

me: "Sammy and Johnley are so smart; but they have completely different learning styles!"

another other: "Well, you're the one that wanted to homeschool!"

How was your day?

2008-07-25T08:44:00.002-04:00

Good. Interesting.

Sammy can write his name. I'm sooooo excited. I just started the 'Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons' and ITS WORKING! Such a relief. I was soooo proud of him.

Johnley has only gotten one lesson and he can write (and read) the 'm' and the 's'.

Proud, proud, proud.

Oh, yeah.
Sammy pulled Owen off the swing. backwards. by the superman cape that was around his neck.

and Johnley peed on Owen.

yup, proud, proud, proud.

(not a good day for Owen!)

"Come tubing with us...it will be fun!"

2008-06-29T09:15:00.012-04:00

(Warning: Long Post - But in my defence...long day!)

Sounds reasonable, right! We take the kids tubing on the Delaware. We can get tubes, or rafts, or a combination of the above. Sure let's do it!

Dear Pam,
This is Nick. The next time you come up with a great idea like this, please think about what it actually means before you suggest it.....

Morning of:

Okay, everyone needs bathing suits, board shirts and shoes. Sammy, you wear your nike sandals, Markeese and Johnley, you wear your boat shoes. Taishauna, wear your red sneakers.

No, Sammy and Johnley, you cannot switch shoes. I don't care that you like those better, they don't fit. I know Markeese and Johnley have the same shoes, and I'm sorry, but they didn't have your size.

Markeese, stop doing that! Why is Sammy crying. Jeez Markeese, why do you have to tease them!

Nick, we should bring food for the ride there and back, and maybe a cooler for the tubing, what do you think? No? You don't think we will need food or drinks for tubing. Okay, if you say so.

Everyone go get clothes to change into for the ride home. Sammy, you need a shirt, underwear and a pair of shorts. You got them? Good. So go ask Johnley if you can pick his out. He is in the bathroom. He said you could? Okay, go get them.

You want to switch the shirt you picked? You and Johnley are going to wear matching shirts? Okay, that's fine (and this is my undoing), pick out a different pair of shorts. The orange ones you picked are hideous. (Note to self: get rid of those)

We need suntan lotion. And the stick for our faces. Does anyone know what Johnley did with my sunglasses?

What, the kids are crying again? What's going on? Puleeze people, work with me! Okay, fine. New rule: Markeese is not allowed within five feet of the kids. Restraining order!

Okay, we have towels, change of clothes, underwater camera. Directions? Shoot, no. And I also forgot to print out the waivers. Get everyone in the car, I will print them. Oh, yeah and coupons. The directions say if we are going this way there is a detour, are we going that way? No? okay then.

We are all ready to go? Everyone buckled? We picked a movie? What? Are you serious? Okay, Nick, go brush your teeth!

Do you have food? And water? And cash? Alrighty then, lets go!

9:18 AM - did you notice the AM????

Okay.
So we're all very excited; the kids maybe too much. There was drama over the water bottles, drama over the beach towels, etc. But we made it into the car and without too much more drama get there (btw, we did have to take the detour, thank god for gps!)

We're there.

Look how happy we all look!

Taishauna has decided that she doesn't want to go in a tube, she wants to go in the boat with Daddy. Okay, that's fine, lets get a tube for her anyway in case she changes her mind.

We are standing in line and I notice a sign that says 'Don't be a tree hugger'. Oh Crap! Are these people all anti-liberal rednecks? Then I read the rest of the sign and realize it is what to do in case of a storm! Oh, ok. I read how if a storm hits to get out of the water and blah, blah, blah... they only last about 20 minutes.

We get on the bus, yes, a school bus, but with the seats all turned to face the middle. We all squish in and get driven to our destination. We all get off, but they hold Nick and the boys back. Apparently those on the raft do not get off with us, they go on further ahead. Nothing we can do, everyone else is already off the bus.

Here is a picture of us on the bus - I couldn't stand, so it's not really a great shot.

Markeese, Taishauna and I follow Pam and her clan and her friends (who we had met on the parking lot) down to the water. And let me add here that all of Pam's friends were very nice and would probably not want to invite us in the future....they were all without kids!

We get in our tubes (and I say that like it my big fat butt can do it gracefully) and wait for Nick. (And kuddos to Taishauana, she got it the tube without complaint) And wait for Nick. And wait for Nick! Ooooh, here he comes, it only took him 30 minutes to paddle up with the kids!

So we are on our way. We end up way ahead of everyone else so I keep trying to get Nick to slow down, but you can't exactly stop the current! We are having fun, Markeese is in the boat now, we are all tied to the boat, we hook up with Pam and her clan. The kids take turns getting wet, for a while Sammy sits on my lap and Johnley sits on Pam's.

This is how Nick hauled the kids back into the boat! By their vest handle!

Most of our tubes are tied together, and then we all just tie to the raft. So now Nick is pulling all of us! And then it starts to rain! Great! We are in the middle of the fucking Delaware in the rain. And we are freezing! Sammy turns over on me to try and stay warm. There is nothing to do (and I mean nothing!) except laugh.

Nick is quickly losing his good mood. So we put the kids back in the raft and Pam and I untie our tubes. So now Nick can move quicker (gee, I wonder what that combined weight was!) and quickly leave Pam and I behind.

It's all good. The rain is stopping. The sun is coming out. And the food stand is just ahead. If I can get food into everyone, and the rain stops, we can still save this. Everyone will be happy (or happier)

Except Pam and I can't seem to get anywhere. She is utterly unconcerned, just enjoying herself. So I get inside my tube and walk/paddle to get us into the current. Except now I have to get back up on my tube. Man, if we only had a video camera for that! Pam and I are laughing so hard we are crying as I slip on the rocks and try to heft myself up on the tube! Did you ever stand in waist deep water and try to climb on a tube? I finally got in the tube and managed to. squeeze. my. legs. up. Wasn't easy.

Okay, now paddle to the food place, gracefully jump out of the tube (not!) and take care of my kiddies!

Fuck, we are only halfway done, and I am OVER this!

So we all eat after standing in line forever and spending over $50. I get 6 hot dogs, 4 drinks, 2 packs of skittles, and a snickers bar. (Yes, the snickers bar is for me and I'm not sharing! Hey, I need energy to keep everyone else happy!) The kids are going to share the skittles. So I take half of a pack and give them to Johnley on a napkin, give the rest of the bag to Markeese. I had Taishauna her bag, thinking she will do the right thing. She immediately puts half of them on the table. Sammy's mad because he doesn't want to eat off the table. I tell Taishauna to give him the bag. She says she doesn't want to eat them, they have been on the table! Markeese quickly says he will eat them.

So now Sammy doesn't have any. I grab Markeese's bag and get a handful for Sammy and put them in an empty cup. There! Everybody eat your candy, shut up and get in the water.

We get out on the water and I hear Pam say "Next time I see you guys I'm going to bring you each your own bag of skittles." Bitch.

So Nick and the raft quickly move ahead. I'm holding the other end of Pam's rope and I'm the only one paddling. She tells me just to let go because she just doesn't feel like working. I let go and proceed to try and catch Nick and the kids. For the next two hours! He just doesn't want to be caught. I am getting pissed. I am tubing by myself. Who the fuck wants to tube by themselves?

And why is Nick moving over to the side? Oh shit, there is a little waterfall. Oh shit, oh shit!

I don't want to tip. With my luck it will be bad. Oh shit! Oh, that was just a little bump. That wasn't so bad. I turn and see the people behind me flip over. Hmmmp. Amateurs!

I literally spend the next two hours trying to catch him. I can't even imagine what he was going through. I'm sure he was thinking "Aimee better damn well be enjoying her break." The kids were done, wouldn't stop messing with all the ropes, etc.

The good news is: I caught up with them.

The bad news? They had to get out of the water for LIGHTENING.

Yes people, we managed to pick a day when it would actually thunder and lightening.

Can I just say, that up until now, Taishauna was SUCH a good sport. This is so not her thing - she HATES nature. And she was a trooper. Until the lightening. That's it. I'm done. You people suck and I am walking the rest of the way. Now. Ahead of all of you.

So she did. We all waked until Nick put the raft back in the water with Johnley in it and pulled him. When I say those rocks were slippery, I mean slippery. IMPOSSIBLE to walk on.

I carried Sammy over the not-so-slippery-but still-hard-to-walk-on rocks on the shore. Completely soaking wet, with wet canvas sneakers on. The wet canvas sneakers had rubbed the skin of the side of my little toe. Raw. Anyone care to guess how much that hurts? Walking over rocks? With a kid on your back?

I tell Markeese to get the camera, I want this documented, dammit! But no, Sammy had got a hold of the camera and used up all the film taking pictures of the water. Damn, damn, damn!

Yeah, we were happy campers at this point! The kids were hungry, wet, tired. We were hungry wet, tired! We could see the end, but it seemed like we could never get there. Johnley is screaming. Just screaming. He doesn't know quite how to handle life when it gets this bad. And of course at this point we are just telling him to be quiet, like that's going to happen.

Markeese is picking up these tiny, tiny frogs, which are so cool, but I am threatening his life if he doesn't stop!

Ah, we get to the end. What are we supposed to do with these fucking tubes? We have to bring them back where they go? Are you kidding me? Why isn't there someone at the shore waiting for us. (Mind you, my foot is still raw - it hurts!) The kids have to go to the bathroom, fine, go. I'm going back to the car, I HAVE to take these shoes off.

Kids come back to the car, can't use the bathroom, it's too disgusting. Okay, lets change, everyone is soaking wet. Sammy grabs his clothes, Nick changes him. Where are Johnley's clothes? All I can see is a shirt. Crap, that's all we have. Sammy got so excited about the shirts, he forgot to pack shorts. So I take Markeese underwear and put them on him. Put the kids in the car and give them all a beach towel to cover up with - we are all freezing. Take my wet clothes off, put dry ones over my wet bathing suit. I don't care, now that my shoes are off.

Aaaaaah. So we are all (relatively) dry, comfortable in the car. Food and water are nearby - Life is good. Life is great.

Okay, so I immediately start the PR. Wasn't that fun?? Okay, it was too long, we should have done the two or three hours, but that was fun right? Okay, it sucked that it rained and thundered and lightening(ed?), but other than that it was fun, right?!!!

Guess what they said.

too cute

2008-06-25T13:15:00.002-04:00

Johnley: "Sammy, say 'apple juice'."

Sammy: "Apple juice."

Johnley: "Good job! You see mommy? I'm learning Sammy how to say him words!"

Gods and Goddesses

2008-06-22T13:56:00.009-04:00

Yesterday we celebrated the summer Solstice all day long. During the day we made sun pictures in honor of the sun and bead bracelets and necklaces in honor of our love and flower crowns for Taishuana and I to wear to the Goddess party we were invited to.

I didn't take any pictures in the evening, but here are a few from the day. Also, some pictures of Hatteras for Megan.....

I love my gods and goddess!

Sammy and Johnley working on their pictures

Markeese working on his...

Finished pictures hanging from the umbrella!

A little body art....

A little more...

Working on the crowns...

One done....

Beautiful Goddesses!

Showing off the necklace!
(and the new storm door behind him)

My Super God installing a new storm door in the front!

Some pics of vacation, all self explanatory...

there was also lots of sunrises, pool pics, inside house pics,

etc. Good times, good times

Instincts

2008-06-15T07:36:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking about being a parent alot lately. Some days it feels like such a crap shoot. None of us really knows what we are doing, we have to just go with our gut. And how many of us have a solid foundation with which to rely on?

Some times it amazes me that the earth still turns!

Three years ago I was convinced that unschooling - radical unschooling - was the best way to raise kids. It was the only way to truly honor and love them.

Now I am convinced that I need to do major 'schooling at home'.

How can my beliefs have changed so much? In both instances I am very sure of myself. Which is right? Which is wrong?

Then I come to the realization that both are right, and wrong. And it really doesn't matter what you do. You just have to love them.

I also have come to realize that I need to trust my instincts more. No one knows my child like I do. And even tho I'm learning as I go, I know what my child needs.

It always surprises me when people feel the need to tell me what to do. I must put out a vibe that says I am open to their advice, when really I'm not! I'm okay if they tell me what I'm doing is great! but not so much otherwise!

On a completely different note, we are all about the wii fit around here! Each and every one of us has a profile and enjoys using it. You have to see Johnley doing the hula hoop or Sammy doing the ski jump, its priceless. Even Nick has gotten on the bandwagon, which is a good thing because I told hip it is his Father's day present!

So...

Happy Father's Day!!!

Date Night!

2008-06-10T06:41:00.003-04:00

Nick and I went on a date last night! He called from work and said he was bringing home pizza for the kids, Taishauna was going to babysit and we were going out to dinner!

Teri said "Uh, oh! He must have some bad news!"

It was a first - we NEVER go out. But now that T can babysit, there is no stopping us! (Poor kid!)

So we went to dinner and then to the library to do some research for Johnley's adoption - yes, its that complicated!

Dinner was wonderful. We got to just sit and be still, talk about anything we wanted. It was great.

We stayed out too late, though, and the kids were a little overdone by the time we got home. So next time we will not stay out so late.

Good times.

Different Planets

2008-06-05T06:56:00.002-04:00

I woke up early this am and decided to check email, blogs, groups, etc. One thing led to another and I ended up on Oprah's blog. I read about her 21 day cleanse and her "Are you happy?" show.

I gotta say....one of us is crazy!

"Are you satisfied with your life at this moment?"

The smell of urine is a daily occurrence for me. My two little guys sleep with me (and I wouldn't have it any other way) and they both wear pull ups. Sammy is probably ready to get rid of his, Johnley, not at all! So when I roll over at night and lift up the covers, chances are I am going to get hit in the face with the smell of urine. Add to that the fact that our 11 year old house guest is a bed wetter, and Johnley's pull ups don't always do the trick, and I am washing urine soaked sheets at least 3 days a week. And we won't even talk about how often I have to clean the toilet (and the surrounding area, because we are dealing with three boys here!). Satisfied????? Not so much!

"My friend sent over her cook, and I had no idea there were so many options with vegetables." And "I thought conscience eating was to just eat when you are hungry, but now I see that you need to be aware of what the animals have been through before you put them in your mouth!"
(I am seriously paraphrasing here...)

Yesterday when I mopped the dining room (and let me tell you, that is a MAJOR cleaning day) I pushed the table back and realized that the sides of the table are all sticky. The whole table and the chairs need to be scrubbed because I have a million little sticky hands running around here. Hell, who am I kidding, this whole damn house needs to be scrubbed! Now I'm imagining stickiness everywhere, followed by germs and ants. Yuck! Yep, let me put that on my schedule.

My vegan chef fed-exed food to us in Vegas, we will be eating lasagna on the plane.

My boys woke up this am (when Markeese came out at 6 to tell me he wet the bed - I had him change his clothes, sleep on the top bunk, and stripped his bed and put a load in the wash) and I had put my tea cup down and go lay with them until they fell back asleep. It was the longest 40 minutes of my life. I wanted to start my day, maybe take a shower, watch the news, sit and stare out the window, anything. But I HAD to lay there, perfectly still, so my little angels would get enough sleep and be able to handle the day, what ever it may bring. (After about 10 minutes, which seemed like an hour, I realized Johnley wasn't asleep. He smiled and said, "Nope, I am waiting for it to be morning!" He finally fell back asleep!)

Sunday was perfection. I only got out of my pj's to get a massage. Ah, much needed rest, I was running on empty!

Yesterday, I had Owen and it was raining. We had an awesome homeschooling day, though. Taishauna is working with grammar and math with absolutely no complaining. Markeese is doing practice tests to pass fifth grade (with a LOT of complaining!). The boys and I started making alphabet books that involved cutting, gluing, and drawing. Of course there was drama all around. Every time some one found a cool picture there were meltdowns and we said apple so many times (we were looking for a words) that Johnley got hungry and had to stop and eat.

I won't go into any more details, but lets just say that it was a very loooong day. The house got cleaned (relatively speaking,!), the kids got fed (relatively speaking!), they all learned something (relatively speaking!). I passed out at 8:30 with the kids and only woke up 4 times with hot flashes!

Seriously, are we living on the same planet??

Goals for the week

2008-06-02T07:26:00.004-04:00

Do school work everyday. (Math and Grammar for Taishauna and Markeese, the alphabet for the boys.)

Finish reading our biography with T and M and work on our report.

Clean the house - dusting would be nice!

Weed the garden around the pool and lay down newspaper and then mulch.

Okay, after going outside I realize I need to add some more stuff to my list.
Clean out shed.
Get tiki lamps out, cleaned up and filled.
Set out solar lamps.
Clean pool cover.
Get outside bin for pool toys.

Get stuff together for thrift shop.

There are only two more weeks until the school kids descend on us and I would like to have Markeese in the mode of doing school work every morning before that happens.

I have a ton of seeds that I never planted. I think I will go ahead and do them even though it might be a little late - good learning experience for all the kids. That means that I have to get the shelf down from the attic and find somewhere else to store the beach towels.

Go to library, return the books we are done with and have Markeese get his books.

Have people over for a swim??

Go to 4H

Mow the yard.

Get papers notarized for Holt and send them.

Hmmm, that all actually sounds doable. Wish me luck!

Coming of Age

2008-06-02T07:13:00.002-04:00

Yesterday turned out perfect! Taishauna is such a beautiful young lady and did such a great job. I will have to check out my pictures and video and see what I can put up. (I am on the laptop now, all four kids still sleeping!).

Joe and Dina came to the service and when Taishauna saw them her smile lit up the room. The service was so cool that Joe wants his kids to go there!

They had a big brunch set up (for 200) but it was way too crowded so we all snuck out and went to lunch at Kelly's. By that time the kids were whining and Joe's hangover had really kicked in so it was short and sweet. But Taishauna was in heaven. And then they gave her $50 and she was REALLY in heaven!

I ran out as soon as we got home, met Pam and Roxanne at Barnes and Nobles for a quick (and I mean quick) chat and then met Erin and Tobey at the movies where we saw Sex in the City. Very good. Very entertaining. There were tears and laughter and baby Ella was mostly good thru the whole thing!

Then I went home and picked up Taishauna (and left Sammy pouting on the doorstep!) and went to dinner with Tobey and Erin at the Pilot House. It SUCKED! Poor Taishauna - its a good thing she eats like a bird because she only ordered a salad and the only dressing they have is balsamic and blue cheese. WTF! Would it kill you to stock three or four other dressings????

The rest of us got filet mignon and it was burnt to a crisp. Very disappointing. Good thing they had plenty of brownies and cheesecake and ice cream to make up for it! And lovely Taishauna didn't care because she just wanted the company!

So all in all it was wonderful. We had tossed around the idea for a gift, but after paying for two meals out, we decided that was gift enough. And if Taishauna had to choose, I have no doubt she would take the meals out with family over the money!

New plan

2008-06-01T08:55:00.002-04:00

I am now posting what ever I want...to hell with who reads this.

Yesterday, my daughter broke my heart. We were at the boys soccer game and Erin and I were discussing going to the movies today to see Sex in the City. Now today is a ceremony at church for Taishauna's Coming of Age (COA) class. I guess it's kind of like a confirmation. Anyway, the church has made a very big deal of this and I thought out loud that maybe I should do something with T for the day. I asked her if she would like to go see the movie with myself, Erin and Erin's mom (my sister) Tobey. She said she didn't want to go see that movie but maybe everyone could come back to the house after.

And my heart broke. This kid wants family as much as she wants breath. And she got so ripped off. Both her mother and father are the cast-offs of their families so by default so are the kids. My kids are adopted, and black, and home-schooled. I don't know which of those points (if any) have anything to do with it, but mine and Nicks siblings do not seem to think of themselves and aunts and uncles of my kids.

It is really the oddest thing. I am still their kids aunt, and their grand children's great aunt. But its like they are neighbors or something to my kids. It doesn't bother me until something like this happens. I can't get Tobey to come over here just because Taishauna wants her too. I couldn't invite her to Taishauna's ceremony...it's just not done.

Now mind you, I went to all her kids ceremonies. Hell, I planned the parties.

I don't know what I'm trying to say...and I'm not doing a very good job saying it, anyway!

So I called Tobey and asked her if we could all go out to dinner, for Taishauna. She said sure. I feel like I have to pay for it now, which is fine.

I will do anything in the universe so my daughter doesn't have a heart that hurts.

musings

2008-05-30T12:26:00.002-04:00

Haven't posted in a while. I know I owe lots of pictures, vacation and what-not. Just haven't had the time or inclination.

Markeese is here, and Johnley is completely out of sorts. It is interesting. Markeese is actually being really great (he always is at first - and I always have hopes that he will stay that way!), but Johnley got thrown, I guess.

He has been just miserable. For three days now. It's exhausting!

He was like this the first couple of days of vacation too. He apparently cannot handle change. At least not yet. And I can't say that I blame him, but some change is inevitable.

I guess this doesn't bode well for a camping trip!

I am up to my eyeballs in paper work. We are finalizing Johnley's adoption. I had to contact someone else who has been through this, to get a copy of all the paper work. She sent me three documents - complaints and judgements and such. I have to substitute all the information and then call the county clerk and find out what documents they need and submit them all. I'm not at all sure how that works.

We got out homestudy back from the social worker for Avena. So we had to make a copy of six documents, send them to be state certified, and simultaneously send them to get translated into french. We received those documents back in two days and then had to send them all to the Haitian Consulate in N.Y. to get authenticated. In the meantime, the adoption agency emailed us and asked if we were ready to send it in! Are you freaken kidding me!

Anyway, we got them back and gathered them all up to fed-ex. I was supposed to do that today, but I noticed we are missing a signature so I will have to wait till Nick comes home anyway.

And today I got another package in the mail of more paperwork to fill out for our match with Avena.... and the invoice.

So the money is flying out (every step has cost hundreds of $s) and my head is spinning!

And I still have to call the county clerk.

Today, the kids worked on grammar and math, (I have started Markeese working as if he were staying, cuz what the hell!) and the little kids worked on their alphabet.

The pool is almost completely clean (not warm yet, tho) and my house looks like a hurricane hit it.

That's my life in a nutshell.

This and that!

2008-05-04T10:53:00.003-04:00

Not much has been going on around here. We are going to Hatteras next Sunday and we tend to slide into vacation/summer mode for a few week before hand! I have not even begun to pack yet, and anyone that knows me knows that by now I should at least have a dozen or so lists, and most of my stuff packed.

I have gone over the food list, extensively, but only because Merrille is doing half of it and she likes to get a head start. I would venture to guess that she is completely done by now. I haven't bought a single thing.

We plan on starting a new curriculum, in addition to adding Markeese to our homeschooling year, so we've been pretty busy planning for that. I'm actually really excited about this book that was recommended to me called "The Well Trained Mind". It's a bit overwhelming, and I certainly won't be using everything on it, but I think it is good for a basic program. We are going to try it out this year, and I expect that we will have a lot of stops and starts, while we figure things out, but I am confident that we will find our groove. The boys will be in kindergarten (or at least that age) so it should be some fun times.

Nick is in Chicago this weekend for a CIO boot camp. Its a really intensive training session, and an accomplishment just to be able to go. He was very excited about going. He left right from soccer yesterday.

And speaking of soccer; Sammy is doing phenomenal! He has definitely found his groove with it and went from kind of hanging around the ball to getting in there and kicking it and following through. He made like three goals yesterday! Johnley has made some great strides too, he gets on the field now! And that's progress!

Taishauna went to Boston last weekend with her Church group. She is such a beautiful young lady. She handled herself so great and thought to buy t-shirts for her brothers, which was wonderful. She had mucho fun with her friends and at the activities. Apparently they visited alot of churches, and that was BORING! But she had fun anyway!

I was thinking this morning that something is wrong with me because I used to be so organized and was able to accomplish alot. Lately I can't seem to accomplish ANYTHING. And then I realized that with a 4 year old and a 5 year old (not to mention the 14 year old) with me all the time, that is pretty much all I can do. Keeping them fed and dressed and sorta clean, and keeping the house sorta clean pretty much takes up my day!

Somehow I have to fit in packing, some spring cleaning, preparing the gardens and powerwashing the deck into that schedule.

Wish me luck!

So much new...

2008-04-18T13:05:00.009-04:00

Lets see...

I painted a room....

A new baby was born! Ella Marie, April 13 6lbs, 10oz.

I bought a new tv for my car....best investment I ever made!

I also bought a membership to Liberty Science Center...so we went.

Then we went to the Franklin Institute.

And I got flowers.

We learned how to make pizza, had some for lunch and went home and made more for dinner!

We went to a class to make cookie bouquets!

I made two cakes...one for our play...

and one for a 7 year old girl....
This one was a big hit with all the girls...and boys, truth be told!

Oh yeah, and the boys found the dress up clothes!

Which really makes all the other pictures useless!!!!!!!!!!!

How to make a Mermaid

2008-04-03T09:21:00.003-04:00

Take a beautiful girl....

Add some long hair....

Sprinkle on a little glitter....

And...TaDa....a beautiful mermaid

Super Spy Birthday

2008-04-01T09:02:00.005-04:00

We had our super spy birthday on Sunday. We had treasure hunts, we played 'Who Am I?' and other such fun. There were lots of kids, lots of adults, too much food, and yet another masterpiece cake! A good time was had by all.

Recipe for a successful birthday? Lots of chocolate!

Super spys getting ready for the hunt...

2008-03-28T21:38:00.008-04:00

My baby turned 5 today. I can't believe it. That's it; his childhood is over. He might as well be 16. I can't believe he isn't a baby anymore...I'm so sad.

Just 5 short years ago:

And Now:

Still cute as a button, but not a baby. Boo hoo.

So celebrate we did - at Robot Galaxy. For a mere weeks salary, they will make your dreams come true! Okay, I exaggerate, but only a little. It is actually a very cool place, building your own robots and all. Unfortunately, we had a lame party host, but the kids didn't know the difference. The robots are beyond cool, and they all say the nickname the kids gave them, and the kids name.

The robots and their kids (they put themselves in size order!)

A VERY cool power ranger cake. (Seriously, doesn't that look awesome?)

And Cara got right in there and blew out the candle --- so freakin cute. With that outfit, I'm surprised I even took any pictures of the boys at all!

And this one is for you Pam!

Could just eat this one up!

100th post

2008-03-27T09:13:00.006-04:00

I got this idea from my friend here. For my 100th post I thought I would list 100 facts about me. I originally was going to list 100 INTERESTING facts about me, but it turns out they're not!

So here goes, in no particular order....

1. I once traveled from New Jersey to Seattle by bus.
2. I moved 5 times by the time I was 8.
3. I have been married 20 years – to the same man!
4. I once walked 15 miles in one day.
5. I once trained to do the Avon Breast Cancer 60 mile Walk. It was canceled after the first day.
6. I was a foster mom to 11 children.
7. I have adopted 3 children and am working on my fourth.
8. I didn’t learn to ski until I was 28. It took me all morning to get down the hill the first time and all afternoon to get down the second time.
9. I am still very afraid of ski lifts.
10. When I was 18 I marched Washington in a Pro-Life march.
11. When I was 18 I voted for Reagan.
12. When I was 18 I was stupid.
13. I have since marched on Washington for the Million Mom March against guns, the Woman’s Rights march and
14. Hopefully I have reversed the bad karma from 11!
15. I once worked as a chamber maid.
16. I worked as a nurse’s aid at both a nursing home and a hospital.
17. I worked in retail.
18. I worked as a waitress.
19. I worked as a computer operator.
20. I worked in a daycare – first as a teacher and then as an administrator.
21. I worked as a computer programmer.
22. I worked as a bartender. Aside from programming, that is where I made the most money. And drank the most liquor.
23. I learned the hard way that mind erasers really do erase your mind!
24. I once attended Norfolk State University, which is a predominantly black university. I only lasted one semester. Universities are hard!
25. I have attended 3 different colleges. And then I got my degree online.
26. When I started college I had to take introduction to college algebra 1 and 2 before I could take algebra 1 and 2.
27. I then went on to take Calculus 1 and 2. I got an A in Calculus 2. Who knew?
28. From the time I was 17 until I was married I moved 10 times.
29. I moved 6 times in my first 7 years of marriage.
30. I have lived at my current residence for 13 years.
31. I became an Aunt when I was 10.
32. I have been taking care of children ever since!
33. When I was 2 I almost drowned in the above ground pool in our back yard. My sister thought I was her life-size doll and pulled me out. I wonder what would have happened if she knew it was me I was blue, my mom ran in to get her purse, and when she came out I was playing on the swings.
34. When I was 4 I got caught in a whirlpool in a lake in Kentucky. My brother pulled me out.
35. I don’t remember either of those two incidents, but I am a little claustrophobic, and terrified of being dunked. (Being dunked hasn’t been an issue for quite some time, but it used to be a real problem).
36. I am number 9 of 10 children.
37. My parents were both only children (I guess they tried to make up for that!) so I never had any aunts, uncles or cousins.
38. All my grandparents died before I was born.
39. My given initials are ABC. My parents let my siblings vote on my name. I think they were running out of ideas.
40. I have 5 sisters and for a while when I was around 10, I shared a bedroom with three of them.
41. When I was 14 and my sister 16, we got a job on the Seaside boardwalk and we used to hitch-hike there everyday. That was when 37 was only one lane and it was bumper to bumper traffic. It was usually faster to walk.
42. When I was in 8th grade, I got suspended 5 times for smoking in the bathroom. I’ve been trying to quit ever since.
43. When I was 10 I was famous (yes, actually famous!) for being able to do a one-handed walk-over. My girlfriend and I would spend hours doing back-bends and such in the yard
44. I tried out to be a cheerleader once and didn’t make it.
45. When the Ocean County Mall opened, I got a job in a cheese shop. I had to wear the most ridiculous outfit. I wish I had a picture.
46. I was really bad in high school. I got caught smoking weed and told the principal that my mom just had a heart attack and if she was told it would kill her. I told them my father would call and then I had my brother in law call. I forgot to check the mail, though and my mom found out anyway!
47. I got kicked out of home economics in my senior year. My teacher freaked out on me because I told her she was really rude to the maintenance guy. (I felt sorry for him) The principal told me just hang out outside until the school year was over.
48. He also told me that if he saw me again, even just passing him in the hall, I was not going to graduate!
49. I didn’t see him again and I graduated!
50. I have taken typing 6 times in my life (once in high school and the rest in college) and failed all but once. The last time I took it the teacher just gave me a passing grade to get rid of me!
51. Once I started programming I could type 60 wpm.
52. I got married by the justice of the peace, mostly because I didn’t want my father to walk me up the aisle.
53. We had a wedding reception in my apartment.
54. I would do it exactly the same if I had to do it over.
55. We went to Washington DC for our honey moon.
56. I cried like a baby the first time I saw the Vietnam Memorial.
57. I met my husband in college.
58. We were best friends for two years before we even thought of dating.
59. My best girlfriend warned me not to get romantically involved with my husband, cuz it would ruin the friendship.
60. She was right!
61. I’ve had the same best friends since I was 10.
62. I have 19 nieces and nephews.
63. I have 14 great nieces and nephews…so far.
64. I went to my first concert when I was 13. It was Loggins and Messina and Fleetwood Mac.
65. I saw The Who five times.
66. They were my favorite band growing up.
67. We had a rivalry with the deadheads – I HATED the Grateful Dead.
68. My husband is a deadhead!
69. It is really hard for me to come up with 100 items.
70. I went to Europe with my sister on a 10 day bus tour.
71. I rode a ski lift to the top of the Swiss Alps.
72. I rode to the top of the Eiffel tower (well not the top, just as high as they let you go).
73. I was at Notre Dame during Pope John Paul II's funeral. It was being televised there and a huge crowd was watching.
74. I smoked weed in Amsterdam.
75. I spent the weekend in London.
76. My sister and I got in a fight in London and I stomped off in a huff, with absolutely NO WHERE to go...I had to eat crow and come crawling back!
77. I bought a coo-coo clock from a store in the Black Forest in Germany.
78. I used to waitress at Winklemans restaurant in Lakewood. It was a German restaurant. Herman Winkleman is now homeless and living in a tent in Lakewood.
79. Between adopting and fostering, I have had a home study done four times and had my fingerprints done 8 times.
80. Fingerprints don't ever change...why do they have to do them more than once?
81. I homeschool my children.
82. My daughter went to school until 4th grade, and I wish she didn't.
83. My boys still sleep with us, and I wouldn' t have it any other way.
84. My Ipod contains the whole first season of Weeds, 5 recently purchased games, and 40 photos of my kids.
85. I am one of those women who have no idea about our finances, my husband takes care of it all, but mostly because I know we don't have enough money and I don't want the stress!
86. I love to scrapbook, and I am great at buying scrapbook material, but I no longer have time to scrapbook.
87. Since I have gotten a third child, I no longer have time for anything!
88. I pride myself on being very organized.
89. I consider other bloggers, that I read regularly, but have never met, my friends.
90. I wish everyone I knew had a blog, so I could know what was going on in their life!
91. I taught myself how to cornrow so I could take care of my daughters hair.
92. When my nieces were young, I made three princess dresses, out of satin and netting and fake fur. They had ribbons and bows and capes. They were gorgeous, and I later made pillows out of them for the girls. One was pink, one was blue and one was purple.
93. I took home economics for 4 years and I can't sew or cook.
94. I hate to cook.
95. I love to eat.
96. I went to Disney world when T was 7 and I HATED it.
97. I am probably going to Disney next spring for the boys. Hopefully I won't hate it.
98. I fantasize about winning the lottery (who doesn't) and have completely redesigned my house, (including adding a story and where I would put the stairs), in my head 1000 times.
99. I don't like to drink anymore since I quit smoking.
100. I am really glad this list is over, and tomorrow I will probably think of 12 things I wish I had included.

The birthday dance

2008-03-26T11:44:00.001-04:00

This week we are doing the birthday dance. It involves lots of yelling, lots of late nights, lots of running to the store. By Sunday the house will be clean, the cake will be decorated, the food will be cooked, the activities will be planned. And we will all be exhausted and mad at each other!

Easter (finally)

2008-03-25T14:37:00.008-04:00

Okay, I promised people pictures of Easter so here goes.

We made chicks with our hand prints...

We made chicks out of jelly beans....

We dipped peeps in chocolate...

We made Grandmas cookies and decorated them for Easter.

We tye-dyed eggs....

We made gifts for our cousins....

And the Easter Bunny Came!

We celebrated with Nicks family....

and mine.... (notice how co-operative Sammy is!)

But my favorite pictures from the weekend are.....

This.....

and this!

Also....

This video

2008-03-21T06:35:00.002-04:00

Along the lines of 'Everything I need to know, I learned in kindergarten', I have come to realize that Everything I believe about myself I learned when I was 5!

I thought I was to the point in my life where I didn't care what people think of me. And in a way, I am. I don't care what they think of me. But it dawned on me I care what they think of my children.

I was thinking about my daughter today. My beautiful, sweet, kind, witty, joyful, talented daughter and I realized that I have passed my insecurities onto her. She worries what people think.

The other day a group of people were talking about what they wanted to do when they grew up and T was happy they didn't ask her because she doesn't know, and she thought that was bad.

She thought it was bad, because I have led her to believe that it matters what people think. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE LEARNED THAT IT DOESN'T! How could I be so stupid. If there is ONE thing I have truly learned in life, it is that it doesn't matter what people think. It only matters what you think about yourself.

And then I realized that even though I have the wisdom of the ages, I am not applying it to her, because of homeschooling.

You see, the most difficult thing about homeschooling is that you don't get to blame someone else. You are responsible. You are responsible. You are responsible.

So what ever happens to your kids, no matter what it is, homeschooling will be blamed. Every other kid in the world can do the same thing, and it is written off as just what they do, but everything my kids do will be because of homeschooling.

So of course, my kids have to be perfect, my kids have to be a roaring success. Or else I was wrong, homeschooling isn't the right way to go.

Duh, how stupid is that? I'm not homeschooling so other people can say I was right. I'm not homeschooling so my kids can be a roaring success. I'm not homeschooling so my kids will be perfect.

I am homeschooling so my kids will be happy.

T is who she is. Whether or not she goes to school, she is who she is. I really have nothing to do with it. Oh sure, I can facilitate it somewhat, I can expose her somewhat, I can try and teach through example somewhat. But ultimately, she is who she is.

And I think she is perfect. It is just when I see her through other peoples eyes, through society's eyes, that I worry.

And that's how it comes together. I am letting what other people think factor into my life again. And that is just plain stupid.

Do I care that T doesn't know what she wants to do? Of course not! I would actually think it was absurd if she did. Do I care if she doesn't figure it out till she is 30? Hell no! I don't even care if she lives at home till she's 30, the longer the better, in my mind.

All I care about is that she have the opportunity to believe that she can do anything, and therefore be able to figure out what she wants to do. I want that more than anything, not that she realizes her dream, but that she has one. And everything I do, everything I have her do, should be towards that goal.

So even though I didn't benefit from learning this lesson early, it is imperative that my children do.

Sammy is Sammy. He is a stinker. He is also brilliant, inquisitive, aware, active, loving, scared, needy and stubborn. I want him to grow and develop into what ever works for him, not what other people.

Johnley is a little four year old who never had a family. He is not going to listen to me, to respect me, to do what I say, because I want him to, or because he is afraid of me. He is only going to do that if he wants to. So I need to do what ever I can so he wants to, regardless of what other people think.

I really just need to love my kids, and stop worrying about all the other bullshit.

Stupid Mommy

2008-03-19T13:27:00.003-04:00

Me: Johnley, we have to get dressed and go now.
Johnley: No, I'm not getting dressed.
Me: So then you will have to get in the car in your pajamas, because we have to take T to art class.
Johnley: Stupid Mommy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Johnley, put your coat on, it is raining and it is cold.
Johnley: I don't want to - I want to be cold.
Me: Well, you have to.
Johnley: Stupid Mommy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: What show do you guys want to watch.
Johnley: Curious George.
Sammy: Curious George.
Johnley: No, Diego.
Me: Well, you both said Curious George and that's what I put on. We will watch Diego next.
Johnley: Stupid Mommy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Johnley, what do you want for breakfast?
Johnley: Popcorn.
Me: You can't have popcorn.
Johnley: Stupid Mommy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Come on guys, its time to put our pajamas on.
Johnley: Stupid Mommy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Come on guys, its time to go to the park.
Johnley: Stupid Mommy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Good Morning Johnley.
Johnley: Stupid Mommy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Sammy, get up off the floor (in the dentist waiting rooom), and where btw are your shoes?
Sammy: I don't want to get up.
Me: Well, you are lying right by the door and someone is going to hit you.
Sammy: Well, I want to be hit and I don't love you.

(Sounds of Sammy screaming and crying in the dentist chair while I sit in the waiting room like I'm told.)
(Sounds of my heart breaking.)
Stupid Mommy

Happy St. Patty's Day!

2008-03-17T18:32:00.002-04:00

2008-03-17T08:26:00.004-04:00

In the last 4 days I have had two 'Mommy Days', and yet, it seems like I never left! On Friday Erin volunteered to watch my kids so I could run some errands. I was allowed to bring them over whenever I wanted but because of incompetent office workers I didn't get there until 1 o'clock.

So I went to the mall to get my hair cut because I don't know where else to go, and she must have thought I was OLD, as old as our FIRST first lady, because she made me look like her.

I'm tellin ya', WHO WANTS TO LOOK LIKE THAT! (okay, actually this picture makes the hair look better than it actually was - and my face look WAY worse than it must- but you get my point!)

Then I went to Target to get some Easter shopping done, but it was already 3 (oh yeah, it took her 1 and 1/2 hours to cut my hair!) , so I was in a fog, and didn't get much accomplished. By the time I got to Erin's, I had just enough time to get Taishauna up to the church for her social action night. Got home at 7 and had to get the kids ready for bed.

Yesterday I went to the coffee shop with my peeps! and before we knew it we were there for 4 hours! It went in an instant. We ended up spending another 3 hours together, but really it felt like an instant.

So this morning:

Erin was telling me about T getting mad at her on Friday and T ended up MAD AT ME!

I went to take a bath and as soon as I got in, Sammy came in to poop. (while T will watch the kids while I am in the bath, she WILL NOT wipe a poopy but. So I had to get out.

Owen threw a fit at me because I bought my kids crocs and not him.

Johnley wasn't playing with Sammy because he wouldn't let him carry around the batman bag.

Sammy then wouldn't let Johnley on his bed.

Johnley then wouldn't let Sammy on HIS bed.

Owen tried to play the two of them off each other, but that backfired.

I made 4 grilled cheese sandwiches.

I washed our sheets AGAIN, because Johnley peed through his pull up.

They have all had at least one costume on.

We have had about 10 different squables between the boys, (while they fight alot this is an unusually high number - even for a monday)

And Cara has yelled at her baby and put her in time out!

IT'S ONLY 9:30!!!

Deep breath.....

Okay, some excellent opportunities for teaching conflict management and resolution!

And.... It's going to be 50 degrees and sunny today!

Its all good.

Letterboxing

2008-03-16T20:26:00.005-04:00

We found our first letterbox yesterday. Woohoo! It really was so much fun. Nick made the stamp which we designed together. The 6 makes 1 is a reference to how many we will be when Aveena gets here, and the symbol is an African American symbol that means 'With Gods will' or something to that effect. We got the clue off the internet and went on our adventure. This one is at the Manasquan Reservoir. We had such a great time ready the clues and finding the box. We read the log book and checked out all the stuff in the box (this one had been the find of some geocachers because it had some toys in it!) and then hid the box again and went to the play ground.

I have since printed out 6 more clues, so in the coming weeks we will be looking for them.

For your viewing pleasure

2008-03-14T08:29:00.009-04:00

This is Taishauna all dressed up for a party. She looked so cute. I swear, shopping for party clothes with her is like playing with a life size barbie! She looks great in everything. She is one of those lucky people who can always find stuff in the clearance aisle because of her size. This outfit cost us a whopping $13!

This was one of our science experiments - well, science is really stretching it - but what the hey! We 'tye-dyed' t-shirts with sharpies and alcohol (the rubbing kind, not the drinking kind). Taishauna ran the table (which included an experiment with milk, food coloring and soap) like a pro. Each of the kids had one to wear.

This is Taishauna's beautiful creation from her art class. You can't tell, but that is a little leprechaun up in the corner.

We are never in danger here, because we have the super heroes at our disposal!

Taishauna's music lessons gives us the opportunity to ride our bikes! We are lovin' the nice weather!

This was the coolest of all! When we were getting ready to go to 4-H yesterday, the mailman (I have the nicest mailman ever!) brought this to our attention. There was a dead bunny, two turkey vultures and three crows in all. We watched for quite a while. Excellent home school science!

And last, but not least, this is from the great program that Pam gave me! I could lose a weekend with this program!

Wasted Worry

2008-03-10T10:15:00.003-04:00

I so don't have time to post this, but what the hey. Life with a teenager is such a roller coaster. Last week I was convinced that I had ruined her completely - she was too shy, she was never going to make friends, she was doomed to a life of misery.

And then we had our 4-H group and she worked her experiment table like a pro - with children and adults alike. She looked like she did this for a living. They were her experiments and she had so much fun she asked if we could do it again next week.

And on Saturday she went to an acquaintances confirmation party. She didn't know this girl well, didn't know who would be there, and didn't know what they would be wearing. She wanted to go and was willing to walk into the unknown, by herself. I give her credit for that. She winged it and came out smelling like a rose! She had a blast - danced with everyone the whole time and talked and laughed with children and adults. Spent lots of time with new and old friends.

Then she got a phone call from her bff - who she was beginning to think didn't like her anymore, and accepted an offer of a sleep over and spending all day Sunday together! Again, she had a blast. (turns out bff just has no time, what with school stuff all the time!)

And again, I learn about wasted worry!

(I tried a million times to upload photos, but it won't let me...I'll post them later)

A day in the life

2008-03-06T03:28:00.006-05:00

I just finished reading the most wonderful book, A Thousand Splendid Suns. I highly, highly recommend it. Anyway, there was a part in it where a woman had to put her child in an orphanage in order for the child to eat. She visited whenever she could, usually at risk of her life, and was able to take her back home eventually.

And I realized (again), that I don't love Johnley enough. I should worship him every day. I should cover him with kisses every moment. What his birth mother sacrificed for him is mind blowing. That we live in a world where people do not get to keep their children because they can't afford to feed them is mind blowing. That I live in a place, with an income, that I don't have that problem, is mind blowing.

Yesterday both boys had a dentist appointment. It was Johnley's first. The put us in a room where there was a wall in the middle with a doorway on each end, so I could see both boys. Johnley started crying right away. I calmed him down and once he was comfortable, I went to check on Sammy.

Sammy's hygienist was not very nice. Definitely not as nice as the one he had last time, which Johnley had this time. Anyway, Sammy started to cry, and pretty much cried the whole time. He has had some pretty bad times at the dentist, poor guy, and he was very stressed. He was so worried that it was going to hurt. And the stupid woman tells him that worrying causes wrinkles. Like a 4 year old gives a shit about that!

And then they give out the toothbrushes. Johnley had told the woman that his favorite color was red (at the time, I was just so happy that he could come up with a color – he hasn’t quite got them yet), so she gave Johnley a red Power Ranger toothbrush and Sammy a black one. Uh oh. And then the tears started in earnest. Sammy's heart broke. Johnley got the red one. He ran into the play area and cried the whole time I was making appointments and paying the bill.

And I thought, “I have ruined his life. I brought this other child into his life and completely turned everything upside down. He has lost his place, his mommy, everything he knows. What have I done?”

Yesterday also included:
a wonderfully pleasant lunch at Fridays, just me and my kids;
Taishauna's drama leader SCREAMING at kids in the back making noise which REALLY upset me;
lots of time spent with Pam, who is SO great at playing with the boys (and who Sammy is really starting to open up to);
Sammy spitting at the aforementioned Pam (how freaken embarrassing, I wanted to cry);
Johnley calling me stupid Mommy about 20 times (that's everyday, but it gets old - fast);
Taishauna bringing home the most beautiful ceramic shamrock (I promise I will post a picture soon) that she is soooo excited about;
Taishauna telling me I am the best mom in the whole world, when I produced pretzel sticks I had brought for her to eat after art;
Taishauna crying and stomping into her room at 8:30 when I told her she had to look some stuff up on the computer for 4-H today.

This mom thing is flucking exhausting.

Life is too short.

2008-02-28T09:12:00.002-05:00

I just found out that a friend has passed away. Lisa Heyman was a wonderful inspiration as a mother and a homeschooler. I met her at the unschooler conference in Peabody at the very beginning of my homeschooling journey. I think because I met her there I didn't realize what a gem she was. I thought she was the norm, but she was actually a leader in the unschooler community.

Her daughter met T and they became instant friends. We hooked up two years ago when they came camping in Allaire, but all the other activities they had going on seemed too far away. Lisa tried again and again to include us in their activities, but it always seemed like too much work.

She was the ultimate unschooler, and her daughters are living proof that it works. She was ill for a while, and finally diagnosed just a few short weeks ago. Her death leaves a huge hole on the unschooling community, and my heart breaks for those two beautiful children.

I obviously regret not joining her events more, and hopefully will learn from my mistakes.

pictures

2008-02-27T22:55:00.009-05:00

I give up...I don't have time to blog. So here is my life in pictures.

Annoying people

2008-02-20T02:34:00.003-05:00

It is amazing to me that who we are at 13, we still are when we are 23, 33, 43. Especially when it comes to family. My god, what was the point of all those years in between?

I actually just deleted a whole post rambling about the same ole shit that I could have easily bitched about 20 years ago. It isn't that other people are doing the same thing, it is that I am reacting to them in the same way. AAAARRRRRRHHHHHHHH!

I'm putting this up for readers of my blog who would not have seen in here first. I don't know if the relevant people will see this, but maybe the same people that are reporting to me will report back to them.

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List
By Deborah Markus, from Secular Homeschooling Magazine, Issue #1, Fall 2007

1. Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2. Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3. Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4. Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5. If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

6. Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

7. We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8. Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9. Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

10. We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11. Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

12. If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

13. Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

14. Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15. Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16. Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17. Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18. If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19. Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20. Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

21 . Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

22. Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23. Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24. Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

25. Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!

Valentines musings

2008-02-15T08:12:00.004-05:00

"I'm not loving you." That was said after story time last night. Someone wanted an extra book, and didn't get one! And in honor of Valentines Day, Sammy threw up last night. alot. a real lot. and it was all PINK. Completely PINK. Cuz we are all about staying on theme! I honestly don't know what it was from. He didn't eat THAT much, and he ate nothing after 2pm, but what ever it was, he felt WONDERFUL after that. It was like all the sickness that had been dogging him for 12 days was GONE, and life was good. He was hungry, wanted his dinner and dessert, and wanted to play. Unfortunately for him, it was bedtime, so all he got was a story! And he passed right out. Johnley, as previously noted, did not, and was not loving me!

He makes me giggle. After we came home yesterday from a valentines party extraordinaire, he emptied his pockets. And he remembered. He remembered how one friend of mommy's had FILLED his pockets with candy because he said he liked her better than mommy's other friend. (There is something wrong with mommy's friends!). Anyway, he realized that he may have possibly hurt the other friend, so he shrugged his shoulders and said "the next time I see her; I will tell her I like her better!" That’s all, we can keep this up for all eternity...no harm, no foul! And meanwhile, LOOK AT ALL THIS CANDY!

Roots

2008-02-07T05:02:00.000-05:00

Sammy is sick again. Again. Ugh! Last night his fever went up to 105. Kinda freaked me out. He woke up at 4 and it was up to 102. He is sleeping on the couch now. Poor guy. I don't understand why he is getting sick all the time. I'm really bummed because I was supposed to go to our first 4-H gathering today AND run the little kids section. I'm gonna see if Nick can stay home, but I'm pretty sure the answer is gonna be no. If Sammy feels better, (like he did yesterday) I will go anyway, but otherwise, I'll just have to pass.
I just watched this amazing program on PBS called African American Lives 2, where historians trace the roots of famous people, to when the slaves where freed. It is some amazing stuff. Alot of people can't know their roots because of slavery, the history is gone forever. And I realize that my kids have the same problem. There is a great chance that they will never be able to trace their family tree. That is sad.

I don't know my family roots. I don't know how far I could go back because my father was adopted. I don't mind that so much, but I wish my parents shared more of their history with me. They probably would have a little, if I had spent a minute acting like I was interested. I think if you found out that your ancestors did something amazing, against all odds, that would empower you to believe that you could overcome hardships.

So the next logical step? Make something up for my children! But I can't even do that. My story would mean nothing because it's not their blood. And what the hell could I say about their birth parents? I couldn't make something up in case they decide to find them when they get older. Hmmm. Maybe I can make up some story about them when they were babies! Like they crawled 10 blocks to get something to eat! Okay, that’s a little sick. Never mind.

And now that I think about it, my mother was German. It would be just my luck to find out something awful about my mothers family. So I wonder if that would affect you, if you find out that one of your ancestors did something horrible.

They asked one of the guests on the show what they loved most about being black, and he answered how much and how hard they love. I have seen first hand the black culture of love and family. There is such a strong sense of community, of female strength, of absolute belief in the church. That is definitely something my children don't have, and that is sad.

Great day!

2008-02-04T18:17:00.000-05:00

Go Giants! Whodathunk??? Of course, the most fun are the commercials. A bunch of us, including T and her cousins, were betting on the commercials. You know, if the next one was going to be for a car, or a shipping company, etc. That was fun. I think Jack was the big winner, although Joe brought all the change, so its not like any of us got rich.

Anyway, as expected, the highlight of the night was the nerf gun. Or should I say, the most unbelievable, awesome, amazing, gigantic weapon of all time. I swear, I haven't seen Nick smile like that for a long time. Not even for the LSU parephenalia he got from me to celebrate his beloved tigers National Championship. And he wasn't alone. Bill looked at Erin and said, "Thats what I want for my birthday!"

So it was a grateful day, with a huge gun!

Brudder

2008-02-03T06:17:00.000-05:00

We are hearing the word 'brudder' around here alot. The two of them seem to be trying it out. The other day they were doing this thing where one would lay on the floor, the other would help him up, and the one would say, "Thank you, brudder." Too cute.

Yesterday it was all about ganging up on daddy. Of course, you have to gang up on daddy, because daddy doesn't play fair. The boys got nerf guns from Joe for xmas, and they usually end up with daddy having one, and the kids having one. So first daddy just keeps all the bullets they shoot, so then they're screwed. Then the kids start doing that, and daddy goes and gets the bag of bullets off the top of the fridge (that he stashed there). The kids don't care; they now believe whoever ends up with the most bullets wins! This all involves lots of screaming and running around. It is really hard not to get caught up with nerf guns, and more often than not, you will see T running around with one. But inevitably the boys will be a team, brudder with brudder.

Johnley is so confused, poor thing. He doesn't exactly know what a mom is, or does. Last night he didn't want to go to bed and he said he was mad at me. I was getting ready to read their story and Sammy was lying next to me. Johnley wanted Sammy to be mad at me, too. Cuz they're brudders. It was as if he needed someone to always be on his side and he is trying to figure out who it is. It dawned on me that he doesn't really understand a mothers love, he doesn’t' get that it doesn't go away, ever. I'm gonna have to work on that. He did tell me (as he climbed into bed) that he was my friend, so that's something.

Today we are having a Daddy b'day/Pre-superbowl party. Nicks b'day isn't for a few days, but I like to celebrate b'days with Joe's kids as much as possible. And I say Pre-superbowl because we will be in bed before the superbowl even starts, practically. The good news is Joe bought Nick nerf guns, so this should be a very interesting evening!

As an aside, I am having the most fun with the sneaky chef. The kids are loving the food, mostly. I hid yams and carrots in the spag. sauce last night, had it with whole wheat pasta, and the kids gobbled it up. T had the meatballs, with spinach hidden in them (and she loved them), but the boys wouldn't eat them. They didn't even taste them, tho, so it wasn't the spinach. Anyway, they have all asked for another batch of the breakfast cookies, which just have wholewheat cereal and whole wheat flour. We were eating them the other day, and my friend R started to ask for one, and then remembered that I was doing this and wouldn't even try one....chicken! I haven't made the brownies yet, but I think I might try them on Joe's kids tonight. They HATE veggies!

New beds, new kids, new activities.

2008-02-01T18:57:00.000-05:00

I am buying a king size bed. Thats it, I can't take anymore. Last night I got up and went into Johnley's bed. Sammy found me, but it still wasn't as crowded as my bed! So this weekend, we are going to purchase one.

So the social worker came today and talked to us about Aveena (thats her name), and tried to scare us. She told us that she may not take to being in a family and that she is so used to taking care of kids and cleaning and cooking she may not want to stop. All I heard was "SHE WANTS TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS! SHE WANTS TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE!" So I told the social worker that even though it would be hard, I was willing to sacrafice for the greater good! No seriously, we are going ahead. Of course we found out that we need a whole new homestudy and it will most likely take two years, but what are you gonna do.

We went swimming today with the homeschoolers. We so didn't want to go because of the rain, but I am so glad we did, we had a blast.

So here are some more pictures...
This is what my kids look like by the time we get home on Wednesday...

This is the cake I made for Jimmy. Don't ask me what it is, I just know that it is the undead from World or Warcraft.

And this is a picture of T's $5000 smile....

3 Months

2008-01-30T06:30:00.000-05:00

So, I bought the book, The Sneaky Chef, and I LOVE it. I made the chocolate chip cookies and meatloaf and everybody gobbled it up. Yesterday I mixed sardines with tuna for Owen, just to see if he would eat it. He loved it! Erin said she is not eating at my house anymore. Someone should have done this for Erin a long time ago, she is the pickiest eater I know.

It is hard to believe Johnley has only been here for 3 months. He and Sammy are getting along so well, it is a joy to watch. They are so funny. The other night they were hiding from Daddy and Uncle Joe. There was major excitement and cries of "Hurry up, Sammy, they're coming!" as they both ran into the back bathroom. Of course, Daddy and Uncle Joe had to be told they were supposed to be looking for them, so Joe stood quietly outside the door until it cracked open and then jumped in with a big roar! Only to find Sammy on the toilet! Who goes to hide in the bathroom and decides to use it?!? It was pretty funny. We figured Joe helped Sammy move it along!

Of course, when they get mad at each other I hear, "You're not my brother!" Sorry guy, you can't take that back! You are stuck with each other!

In three months...Johnley has an amazing grasp of the English language. Unless he is very tired, he really doesn't cry anymore. He enjoys playing the same games that Sammy does. He dresses himself, brushes his own teeth. He can ride a bike. He has survived Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years! He doesn't really remember creole or the names of anyone at the village (and that is not for lack of trying on my part - I have shown him the pictures from day one) I would be willing to bet he doesn't really remember not living here. He has stopped being afraid that he is getting ripped off. He trusts that he will get his fair share, now. He sleeps with us every night, has no problem with pajamas or blankets (I just remembered how he would take the sheets off his bed!) He has mastered the Game boy and the V-smile.

Three short months....

Rules and Quirks

2008-01-30T05:54:00.000-05:00

Rules:

link to the person who tagged you

post the rules on your blog

share six non-important things/ habits/ quirks about yourself

tag at least 3 people at the end of the post and link to their blogs

Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

Quirks:

So I sent out an email my other friends (both of them!) and I can't print the quirks they came up with! I explained this blog tagging thing to my brother and asked him for a quirk and he says "How about the fact that you journal on a blog?". I thought that was pretty funny.
Toilet paper has to be on the roll the right way. I can't stand it if its not. Even if I am not at home, I will switch it to be the right way!
I take a bath every day. I love, love, love my tubby! I get up early to make sure I get it in! I either add oil or more likely bubbles and I slip into a piece of heaven! If I don't have time to take a bath in the morning, then I take one at the end of the day. Its like an addiction.
I hate being late. It makes me crazy. I really don't care if other people are late (I count on it if they're coming to my house!), but I have been known to be throwing kids in the car half dressed in order to get somewhere on time. And much to some people's dismay, when I am kid-less I am usually quite early (sorry Pam!). Homeschooling and being on time don't really go together, though. I am often the first one to arrive at a gathering.
I don't share my popcorn at movies. I never have. I don't know why, but I will go to great lengths to make sure everyone I am with has their own, so I don't have to share!
But my biggest quirk (drumroll please) is that I collect children from around the world and bring them into my family! So far it has worked out fantastic, lets hope we can keep up the good work!

As far as tagging others goes, I can't. The only other people I know who blog are the ones who tagged me. So I will leave this task for sometime in the future. Eventually I will begin commenting on other peoples blogs and put my blog out there for others to see.

Quirks

2008-01-28T06:46:00.000-05:00

So, I've been tagged. Apparently this is a big deal and I'm supposed to be all excited. I've been tagged by this person, who was tagged by this person. So I happen to be friends with two of the funniest people on earth. How am I supposed to follow that? To add insult to injury, I can't think of any quirks! I got nothing! How incredibly boring am I? So I am emailing this post out there and I am asking for some quirks. Here goes.

The good and the bad

2008-01-24T11:26:00.001-05:00

So I haven't committed 100% to this next adoption. Nick has, tho. He contacted the adoption agency and said to move ahead. Their first step is to send the social worker to interview Taishauna about her feelings about it. I told Nick until he comes up with a plan for the money and I find out this girls background, I am not committing. Of course the stars always align for Nick because the interest rates dropped and the mortgage company called and wanted to know if we want to refinance. So it looks like we might be able to refinance with extra for the adoption. We should find out soon. I am not going to think about it till we know for sure. That's the good.

The bad? Well, Johnley got his first shot. He is so brave he didn't even cry. Although I think he was so surprised he didn't have time to react. And then everybody made such a big deal about his not crying, he just went with it. But that's not the bad.
The doctor wrote a prescription for a bazillion lab tests, that of course he wanted right away. So I took him to the lab with Sammy in tow. First they need a urine sample. Okaaaaay. So I take two four year old boys into the bathroom to get a urine sample from one of them. Yeah, there weren't too many questions and inappropriate comments about that! Then we go back into the room. She has Johnley sit on my lap. I turn his head away from the needle (and Sammy is practically laying on my other arm) and she starts. Johnley screams, Sammy immediately starts rubbing his head, telling him its okay and I try to calm him down. He does calm down and because my doctor is a nut, we have to wait forever for her to finish. I promise him a toy after this is over because he is breaking my heart, and Sammy starts whining that he wants one too. We are done. But that is not the bad either.
The bad is that she informs me that she needs a stool sample. A STOOL sample. That I have to get. Are you kidding me???? She explains how to do it, but my head is spinning so I don't really hear her. A stool sample. UGH! I come home and tell Nick that I can't do it, he has to. He acts all tough and says sure, I can do it. I won't go into the details of how it is done. Lets just say, it doesn't affect the kid, and it is beyond DISGUSTING. To make a long story short, Nick can't do it. I realize I have to pull up my Mommy abilities that make me able to put up with all sorts of disgusting things in the name of love and do it myself.

So today I'm getting ready to put the kids to nap and Cara has a stinky diaper. I begin changing her and Johnley informs me that he has to go to the bathroom. Okay, wait, wait. I hurry with Cara, change her diaper and leave her to take care of Johnley. When Johnley is finished, I shoo him out to wash his hands in the other bathroom, close the door and do my thing. I'm not saying what I did, but it took a few minutes. Meanwhile Cara is calling "Mom, mom, mom," because I haven't put her pants on. I'm ignoring her because I'm a little busy so she comes to the door crying and banging on it. I finish what I'm doing and come out. She is in the middle of a major fit when I open the door and she instantly stops, goes back to where I was changing her diaper, and lays down. Because, dammit, she wants me to finish! Kids crack me up.

Coming together

2008-01-18T20:39:00.000-05:00

Sammy and Johnley are really playing together alot. It is an amazing thing to see develop. They are beginning to think of themselves as a team. Johnley is coming to his own too. He is now proud of getting dressed by himself, going to the bedroom by himself (Sammy is scared to do that) and drawing on the easel. He is very good. For a while after he got here he wanted me to do everything for him, probably because he never had anyone to do it, but now he is so proud of himself for being able to do it. He is beginning to believe, I guess, that he is getting his fair share, because he is less paranoid about anything Sammy gets. He used to be so worried about getting ripped off that he wouldn't even wait to hear a whole sentence, he would just start saying no.

The coolest thing tho, is that even when O comes over, he continues to play with Sammy. He used to step back a bit and hang with C, but now he is right there with the other boys, doing crazy power ranger stuff and all.

Yesterday the kids were playing on the top bunk and Sammy was facing the railing. Owen got mad at him for something and pushed him. Sammy actually did a flip and landed on his back on the floor. I am so glad I wasn't there to see it, because I would have had a heart attack. He wasn't hurt, tho, just scared. I imagine they will be a little more careful now, (at least for a little while.)

So Johnley is going to start getting immunizations today. I really don't have a choice, I have to get him immunized. I also have to take him to get a TB test. He has been immunized for TB, and will probably test positive and will have to be treated as if he has it, because there is no way of telling why the test was positive. The Doctor has been cool about my fears and is willing to go as slow as I want, and only giving one immunization at a time. I don't know what I would do if I had a choice, I would probably still get the immunizations, but I am not looking forward to it. Sammy had a follow up at the Dr. yesterday (all is well) and Johnley was a bit jealous that Sammy got to go with me and he didn't. So he is just kind of happy he is going with me tonight. Obviously doesn't know what a shot is because his response was "Okay, Mommy." He is going to learn real quick, tho. The next hundred times he goes to the doctor, he is getting a shot! Wish us luck!

From braces to siblings

2008-01-17T19:55:00.000-05:00

T got her bottom braces off yesterday! Yeah! The Dr. office gave her an empty water bottle filled with all the candy you can't eat with braces. Of course, it is the same candy that you can't eat if you want to prevent cavities, but apparently orthodontists don't talk to dentists. She got starbursts, twizzlers, blow pops, juicy fruit and airheads. She was extremely happy!

She is pretty busy these days. Lets see, for PR purposes....She volunteers at the library, belongs to the bowling club, the swim club, the drama club and the chess club. She is taking art classes and doing an online math program. She is very involved in her church and is rehearsing to be one of the speakers in an upcoming service. She is about to join the 4-H club and is signed up to do an overnight at the liberty science center and learn all about weather.

Pretty darn impressive if you ask me. But the big news....she is going to have a sister who is one year younger than her. That's right, you heard it here first, we are officially INSANE, but she is ecstatic! We are beginning the process (that we are assuming will take two years) to bring another child home from Haiti. We are accepting donations of any amount!

BTW, Sammy said to Johnley today, "You are from Haiti. I will always love you and always take care of you." So I guess we are doing something right!

Out with the old, in with the new

2008-01-15T06:12:00.000-05:00

This weekend Nick and I were supposed to go to a wedding in Atlantic City and stay over. It was a very big deal. We had a babysitter for overnight, my girlfriend lent me some things to use. I headed out on Friday to get my nails done and my hair done (and let me tell you, THAT'S a big deal). And then my car died. That was the first bad sign. It wasn't enough that my dryer had called it quits on Tuesday and the part never came in. But for the car (that we knew was on the way out) had actually bite the dust was a little overwhelming. But no worries, we were still going. I would just have to go out on Sat and get my hair done.

Then Sammy got sick. He woke up in the middle of the night on Friday unable to breath. As any mother of a child with asthma can tell you, there is nothing like the helpless feeling of your child not being able to breath. He was still struggling on Saturday and we decided not to go. It so sucks to not go to a wedding when they are expecting you, but Nick couldn't go and leave me with no car on the chance that I had to take Sammy to the hospital. The wedding, btw, was for someone at Nicks work (he really needs to just decline these invites). So we didn't go. (Just to let you know how big a deal this was, I got 4 phone calls on Monday to see how my weekend was!)

So that the weekend wasn't a total bust, we bought a car! Yes that's right, we (and when I say we, I mean Nick) went to a car dealer and came home with a car. That's the only way to do it. I say, the sooner you realize the dealer is going to rip you off and just accept it, the better off you will be. So I found a used car on the Internet and liked the price and bought it. They actually gave us 500 for our car, can you believe it?

So here is a picture of the new beauty. I love it, love it, love it. Sammy is better now, my dryer is fixed, and all is right with the world.

Out with the old....

and in with the new....
Isn't she purdy?

Learning to say thank you.

2008-01-11T13:12:00.000-05:00

This is a post I typed last week. I thought I posted it, but apparently I didn't. So here it is.

Sometimes people come into your life for the very reason to show you how NOT to be. Yesterday I gave someone a belated Xmas present, a calendar with my kids pictures in it. I got one for Xmas and sat down with the person to examine every photo, oohing and aahing with delight. My sister got one and did the same thing. This person said, "Do you know, last year you didn't give me one, and this year I got 6 calendars. One from the Chinese restaurant, one from the realtor, blah, blah and now yours." CAN'T YOU JUST SAY THANK YOU?????? (And don't think I didn't notice that you were comparing pictures of my kids to a Chinese calendar!)

On the lighter side, Sammy asked me if Erin's new baby was going to be grey like me and Owen, or brown like him! So not only are my children not black, but I am not white. I have always known that my children weren't black. When T was 4 or 5 I talked to her about how some people have preconceived beliefs about black people, and she said to me, "Who's black, Mommy, I'm brown?" and I realized that black is a silly term. But I had no idea I was GREY! I could see if he was talking about my hair, but he was talking about my skin! I need to get outside more!

Random thoughts

2008-01-10T03:56:00.000-05:00

I'm watching Dr. Laura and she says that couples should spend 15 minutes a day MINIMUM fooling around. 15 minutes a day. hmmmm. The first problem with this is that I am watching Dr. Laura. Well its 4 am and I turned on CNN and she is on Larry King. And yesterday I had a very interesting conversation with someone I like very much whos views could not be more different than mine. Actually it is the second such incident in the past 7 days. While it is very unsettling, it is also liberating. I tend to get stuck with my views because I'm stubborn. So I've decided that I have room for improvement (shocking, I know) and that I will be open to other views. Of course, none of this applies to Dr. Laura, because she is a STUPID BITCH! but that is just my opinion!
Anyway, back to the 15 minutes a day. Man, Nick is lucky if he gets 15 minutes a week! But flylady says that you can do anything for 15 minutes! I wonder if Dr. Laura is flylady?

Yesterday my friend gave Johnley an umbrella to play with and I wish I had taken a picture. It was a brightly colored flowered umbrella, and he looked so adorable. He kept saying he was hot, so he needed the umbrella up. No matter that I told him a hundred times the umbrella is to keep you dry, he kept saying he was hot. She also gave him a very colorful harmonica. He was in heaven! Just as an aside, Sammy was SHOCKED to find out that Johnley got a harmonica and there was nothing for him!
Sammy wasn't there because he was at Aunt Teri's house. Apparently he was naughty while he was there. Teri says she doesn't know if she wants him back. I don't believe her, but she was annoyed. I asked Sammy later what was going on and he said that he thought he was being funny but he guesses it wasn't funny. I wonder if he had an epiphany or is he just telling me what I want to hear? Probably just telling me what I want to hear, but because he is my son, I will believe that he had an epiphany. And that is why the mother is always so surprised to find out that something is wrong with her son!
Last night Sammy climbed into bed with us, but instead of getting between us, he just climbed in next to me. Of course I pushed him out of bed! He fell, Nick jumped up and ran in the boys room, going "What's wrong, what happened?" I yelled, he is in here. Johnley woke up and then we all climbed back into one bed and went to sleep. What fun!

The perfect mother

2008-01-07T12:28:00.000-05:00

T is a better mother than I am. Yesterday was the day I start my new life. So first thing in the am I sent T into do her work! I even checked on her a few times and helped her. Then I had a talk with her about career choices. Apparently that all I was capable of! I spent the rest of the morning on the phone and listening to my friend's top ten songs! T, meanwhile, took the boys outside, played with them inside and read to them. I finally got outside after lunch and started working on the yard. I helped Sammy build an obstacle course for he and Johnley to take turns with the automatic car. I had to explain the difference between an obstacle course and a blockade! Last night in bed Sammy said to me, "Mom, we didn't do school today!" (He really needs to stop listening to my conversations with other people). So I told him, school today was the obstacle course -- Its all about the PR!
Anyway here is a video of tubing -- I strongly recommend it! See if you can hear Sammy laughing towards the end.

New Rules

2008-01-05T12:08:00.001-05:00

From now on, every time the boys say a bad word (even if it's in Creole and I don't know what it means) or they hit or push or throw something at each other, they lose a toy. It might be a game, or a game boy or a stuffed animal, or a favorite article of clothing. It goes in the big garbage bag in the dining room. In a week, I am either going to have two well behaved boys, or no more mess to clean up ever! I am so sick of them yelling at each other. We threaten spanking and soap in the mouth, but we never really do it. So this morning I made up this plan. Of course, Johnley yelled something to Sammy in creole and lost his Nerf gun, and I felt bad because I don't think he understood and anyway, everyone gets a warning first, so he got it back! And to top it off, he pouted for 30 minutes because I hurt his feelings, so I had to make it up to him! Yes, this is definitely going to work!
I'm bored. I took down all the Christmas stuff. It's all in the dining room. Every other room in the house is Christmas free and back to normal, but I don't feel like putting it all away. I'm bored because I have nothing to look forward to. And depressed because Christmas was enough for me to look forward to and keep me busy. That's pathetic. Is that what my life has become? I'm okay as long as I have Christmas or vacation or a birthday party to distract me. Ugh!
It must be January because I am bored with my life.
So, if I could do anything, what would it be? Well, if I wanted to matter and feel like I was doing something with my life, I would have to get involved in improving the world in some way, but that is way too much work and commitment. If money wasn't an object I would travel all over the world with the kids, adventure after adventure. And I think I would feel like their education would be covered what with all the world experience. So short of saving the world and traveling the world, what to do? I need a passion. I've never had one. I've always been too busy trying to live. Wow, has this post become all about me, or what! Ah, well. The kids are with their father and I'm going to watch Transformers. Again!

Starting on Wednesday

2008-01-02T07:13:00.000-05:00

Wow. Today is already Jan.2. According to my plans, this would be the day that we start back to school. But that's crazy! Who starts anything on a Wednesday? We will have to wait till Monday! Whew, there's a weight off!

First day of Jan.

2008-01-01T23:21:00.000-05:00

Dear Diary, today is the first day of the new year and I missed it! I slept until 3:30 pm. I think my body was trying to tell me something! Of course, now it is past 11 and I am wide awake, which doesn't bode well for tomorrow!
I have discovered something about myself recently. I don't like drinking anymore. I think I haven't liked it for some time but I did it anyway, I'm a little slow on the uptake. Now I don't do it so I don't smoke and I realize that I don't miss it. I have no desire to drink. That is not to say I have no desire to have my mind altered, because that part I have always liked, I just don't like to drink. I am such a victim of peer pressure, tho, that I will probably continue to drink when everyone else is, but I could see myself never drinking again. This probably is not that big of a deal to some people, but almost everyone I know drinks and the main ingredient in the majority of my get-togethers with people is alcohol. And people that drink really don't like it when everyone is not drinking. Why is that?
I went to a party last night and most everyone was drinking. It was very interesting to be one of the few that was not. No one was very drunk, but I guess that is why people want you to drink, so there are no sober witnesses!
Ah, well, on to better things.
Johnley and I are really struggling. He is constantly testing me and I am not amused. I keep wondering what he was like in his own environment. The only thing that we were told about him is that he is very stubborn and to just wait him out and he will come around. I have noticed in the pictures that we have from the village before Nick went down, he is pouting in alot of them. He initially says no to everything. And as soon as he sees he is not going to get us mad, and he might lose out, he says ok. He is not in some of my Christmas pictures because of that. I had a tough time with the pictures I took of the three of them because if he was upset, there was no talking him out of it, like I could with Sammy.
It is also interesting that he is not afraid of Sammy. The two of them were playing tonight and chasing and wrestling each other and he was just having fun, not at all worried that he might get hurt. I'm not explaining this right, but it struck both Nick and I that it was unusual.
I know he is just trying to find his way. Tonight when I was reading them a story, I read from the one Johnley picked first and he said he didn't want Sammy looking at his book. I told him that was mean and I was reading to both of them. He got mad and turned away. I kept on reading and he begrudgingly rolled back over to look. But when I was done, he wouldn't say good night to Sammy! Of course they both passed out in 10 seconds because they were up till 1 am last night!
He made me laugh earlier tho. We put the bunk beds back up in their room to make more space, and Johnley sleeps on the bottom. Last night our bed was too crowded so I slept in Johnleys bed. This evening for whatever reason, they decided to straighten their covers and Johnley starts mumbling about how he doesn't want Mommy to sleep in his bed any more, that she should sleep in Sammys!! I cracked up, told him, how about if I sleep in MY bed?

Oh well, Sammy just woke up and is looking for me, I must go. Good night.

Happy Happy New Year!!!!

2008-01-01T01:31:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year

2007-12-31T19:20:00.000-05:00

New Years Resolution. I love them. I make about 20 and I'm good for about two days. But I always believe this time will be different. Of course I do this every Monday about dieting and every Sept. about school work. I never learn! Anyway, this year I resolve to blog all the time, to write down any random things the kids do. I am going to start eating healthier and feeding my kids healthier. More salads and homemade soups. I HAVE to start exercising, walking and yoga, preferably. I am going to start being more present with the kids. Play games, teach letters and numbers and history and such. More outside time. These are all good resolutions, right! And I'm sure I can do it all this time!

Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure, I didn't label them, but they are pretty self-explanatory.

Christmas

2007-12-30T04:54:00.000-05:00

Wow, its been a long time since I posted! Christmas was wonderful. My kids must have been very, very good, because they had an excellent Christmas...too much, but that's par for the course. Johnley was almost completely overwhelmed by the amount. Almost. We have taken a boy who would have been perfectly happy with one gift, and in two short months, he now expects 50! He is now officially American!

After opening presents, we went down the street to Aunt Ilene's, where they got another truckload of presents, and then back to our house, with Uncle Joe and Aunt Teri, where they got another truckload of presents! Our house was insane Christmas night. Nick's two nieces were here, and Joe's kids. We had two Wiis going and two buckets of popcorn open (the floor was completely covered). The kids had a blast!

Taishauna got a call first thing the next morning from the beloved Shayna, and she has been off and running since. She has a sleepover scheduled for every night, with arrangements being made for the next one while she is with the current one! School kids! Nick has been home for most of the week and we have just been laying back, playing with our toys. They are still all under the Christmas tree and I am in no hurry to change that. Mostly because I don't know where to put them!

When Johnley first came here I was worried that I would favor Sammy, but that didn't happen. Not right away! Johnley is so cute, and so earnest. He also had that whole 'I have no idea what you just said' thing going on! So I was protective of him, and was firm with Sammy about being fair and kind. Now though, I am definitely favoring Sammy. Johnley is so worried about getting ripped off that he is crazy with it. He demands that they take turns playing Mario Brothers on the GBA even though he doesn't know how to play. He doesn't just not know how to play, he doesn't play! He just holds the game boy in his hands during his turn. I think that is insane! And every moment of every day it is about taking turns and who is first. Sammy is first to brush his teeth tonight because I was first last night. Sammy is first to read his story because I was first last night. It is my turn to sleep on your right side because Sammy slept there last night! Aaaarrrrrhhhhh! We are not taking turns on WHICH SIDE OF ME YOU ARE SLEEPING!!! So I am getting kind of mad at him. They were playing the Wii yesterday, and he won't let us help him or show him. He is holding down the button and yelling at Sammy for pushing the buttons. Of course, Sammy will fuck with him and push the button once, so Johnley thinks he is doing it all the time. Nick got fed up with the whole thing and turned it off.

Sometimes I think I made a huge mistake, getting someone so close to Sammy's age. But I'm sure it will all work out. Yesterday, Johnley told Sammy that he would share his toys all day and Sammy was so proud of him. It was really cute! I just need to remember to hug them more, and enjoy them.

I will post pictures later, I am on the laptop now, everyone is sleeping. Bye

Brothers

2007-12-17T10:24:00.000-05:00

I don't think my boys like each other. That could be a problem. I figure with homeschooling, there will be many a time when they only have each other to play with. The plan was for them to be bff!
We have been so busy with everything Christmas that Johnley is just overwhelmed. Its alot for any kid, nevermind one who doesn't understand what is going on. He is acting out with alot of anger and I don't think he feels close or safe with me so much anymore. It is time to slow down and just chill. And we will, right after the homeschool party/build your own gingerbread house, and we make our crafts, and have our party with Erin, and we go to the city, and we finish shopping and wrapping. Right after that we will chill!

Making crafts at Breakfast with Santa
Picking out our tree
Decorating cookies at Chris and Heathers cookie party

Owens birthday party

Decorating cookies for us

Crafts for our family Christmas party.

Decorating our tree

Playing at McDonalds during a shopping break

Opening presents at our family Christmas Party.

Decorating gingerbread cookies with Sue and Jane.

Perception

2007-12-05T15:26:00.000-05:00

I just have to put up a quick post here. The other day, my friend came over for the afternoon. Every time I am with her I feel like the worlds worst mother. She is so great with the kids and she never says no. She makes me remember that we should all stop saying no and say yes more. That the kids will never remember what the house looked like, but they will remember if Mommy ever played with them. While she was here I had a roast in the crock pot. I literally put the roast in the crock pot, cut up some potatoes and onion and dumped a can of mushroom soup in it. It smelled heavenly. And when it was time to eat my children made gagging noises and I had to make them hot dogs. My friend should also know that while the middle of the floors may have been vacuumed, the edges certainly weren't, and they desperately need mopping. And one more thing - this beautiful child that I adopted who didn't speak any English? Now he says in his most stern voice "Stop It! Go to bed right now!" Guess who he is imitating?

I don't have time to blog, but here are some pictures! Making cookies and playing with a new toy (the ball, not the laundry basket!)

More firsts

2007-11-27T15:53:00.000-05:00

So many things are a first. Just about everything we do! Nick had to show Johnley how to jump in the leaves, but true to form, once he learned, he did it for hours!

On tuesday we all went to Chuckee Cheese. It was insane. I met my two friends. One has two teenage boys and the other a 10 yr. old girl. And here I come with my brood! At one point we lost Cara (ssshhh, don't tell her mother!) but she was over by the TV. And Sammy and Owen had an actual fist fight at the end over a pair of mittens. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they won't be coming with me anymore! Anyway, Johnley LOVED it (because of course, what's not to love!) He went on the photo ride 13 times. And he posed for everyone! It was really cute.
Thursday was Thanksgiving. I'm not a big thanksgiving person, don't know why, its never been that important to me. But we made our turkeys

And it was Johnleys first so I remembered to take a few pictures. This is Nicks family. The dinner, of course, was superb, we ate too much and went home and passed out! (Me, Nick, Sammy and Johnley) Really, it was like we were drugged! Then Joe and his kids came over for dessert. All in all, a very nice day.

On friday Nick and I actually did some black friday shopping - from 3:30am to 6:30am! Back home before the kids woke up! Then Nick went out throughout the weekend to pick up this and that. We are almost done with our shopping! Friday we took the boys to the mall, had dinner, went on some rides, etc. It was fun, again, first for Johnley! He is beginning to take it all in stride! We went to see the bee movie on sunday, and when the lights went out he didn't even blink! I thought for sure that might be a problem, but no, it was all good.

Later that day I went to my friend Lauras for a card/ornament making party. She throws these parties every year, and they are so much fun. Here are some of the ornaments I made.

And Laura made these blankets for the boys. They love them. Thank you Laura!

And finally, I have managed to decorate for Christmas. Nick did the outside and I did the inside. I kept it a little simple and of course we don't have the tree yet, but otherwise we are done! This is my favorite ornament. I hang it in a window between my kitchen and family room. I am so glad they started making adoption ornaments.
So all in all, a great week. Johnley is really doing wonderful. He crys only sometimes now, and even then only for a short time. He still has trouble with transitions, but what 4 year old doesn't? And for the record, it takes just over a month to go from never hearing about spiderman, to wanting to wear the spiderman shirt and shoes! He is truly American now!

Open to the public

2007-11-21T07:36:00.000-05:00

Okay, I have succumbed to peer pressure and made this public again. (actually, it only took two people to whine about having to sign in (and you know who you are!) and one person to say they couldn't, and that was enough for me!) So you three are welcome!

It is the day before thanksgiving. We are having it down the street and then some family is coming over for dessert. All I have to do is buy some pies. Should be stress free, right?

So this is my idea of keeping it simple. Nick is off for the next four days. In order to keep it simple and provide a wonderful, loving, happy environment for my children here is what we need to do:
1. Thoroughly clean the whole house. There are parts of this house that have not been touched for some time now, and that is just inviting bugs and germs to come live with us.
2. Pack up all the nick-knacks around and get the 40 boxes of Christmas decorations down, decorate the house. I am willing to go light, but Taishauna will insist on most everything so it feels like Christmas. I specifically created traditions for her to have as she got older and had her own family. The only tradition I had from my childhood was Grandmas cookies and HUGE family gatherings. The family gatherings disintegrated so I created some (quite wonderful) traditions. I CANNOT take them away from her.
3. Rake the leaves. We raked the front clear on Sunday and now we have leaves covering every surface about 6 inches deep. Including the whole road in front of our house, our driveway, our porch and half our neighbors yard (who, poor things, don't have ANY trees.)
4. And of course provide for, care for, play with the children, so they have a wonderful weekend. This, in itself, is a full time job and then some. The transition that Johnley and Sammy are experiencing really calls for us to stop everything and just take care of them. The week is busy enough, with Nick gone and me babysitting, so a four day weekend with both of us off is a perfect opportunity to really give them some attention.

I know this is insane, but what do I give up? I have a strong argument for everything on the list, but I know, from experience, that it is impossible to do.

But the Christmas season is upon us, time to start expecting moms everywhere to become superwomen.

Right now I have to go feed the boys and begin the day long process of braiding T's hair.

It will be interesting to see how this weekend turns out. Will I be superwoman and get the first three items done, and fall short on the fourth? This is my pattern. Or will I concentrate on the fourth and let the others slide? Stay tuned....

4am Eggs

2007-11-18T12:04:00.000-05:00

Last night Johnley woke up at 4 am and stood in the hall. I called out to him to come sleep with us (which up until now is what he wanted) and he yelled, "No, mongee (eat)! Really yelled it. Woke up mad! I told him that it was the middle of the night and I was going back to sleep. He stood there and said some bad words, waited awhile and then started throwing things from my room to the hall. So I got up, took him into the kitchen and asked him what he wanted. He pointed to the eggs, so I scrambled him up two. He ate them and then skipped down the hall and into my bed, happy as can be.
Okay.
So we are constantly caught between the idea that we are creating a spoiled brat and we are reassuring him that we love him. Pretty much the same as we are doing with Sammy! Johnley is just a little more original!

Crazy week part 2

2007-11-17T10:32:00.000-05:00

Just to finish up my litany, Thursday was a dentist appt. at 12 for T (that took a freakin hour - I finally went in and got T - the dentist hadn't examined her yet - but hell, I had four kids sitting in the car). Then off to bowling with an emergency pit stop on the way! But man oh man, if you could have seen Johnleys face when he bowled! It was delightful! Then it was rush to Lakewood to transfer Owen and Cara to Grandma!

Friday was finally a down day. Nick stayed home from work to take Johnley to the dr and I took Sammy and Owen to a bday party we had been invited to at build a bear. Of course we got there at 12 and the party was 11 - man I hate when that happens! But the host was gracious and it all worked out.

Johnley. Well sometimes I'd say he is doing well and other times not so much. He throws about 5 fits a day, and I can't tell if he is really upset, or just testing us. This morning it was about having popcorn for breakfast. He won. Turns out he can cry longer than I can stand it! I really didn't care that he had popcorn for breakfast but I'm still trying to teach him whats what with food. He is one smart kid tho. Nick showed him how to play this board game (Duck, duck goose) one time and he has it! (He is going to be so easy to homeschool!)

Yesterday when we went to Build-a-Bear, I had one made for Johnley, too. And boy, does he love that bear! It is so cute. He set that and a baby doll up on the chair and was so proud of himself.

We went to soccer this morning and it was FREEZING. Thank God its the last one.

He's already figured out that Aunt Teri is the one to have, too. She took Sammy home from soccer and Johnley wanted to go with her! But that is Sammys special time still, and I don't think Teri is quite ready for Johnley!

Update at last

2007-11-15T16:27:00.000-05:00

Okay, sorry fans! I haven't written in a while because it seemed like there wasn't anything new to report. But I realized last night that I will quickly forget Johnleys behavior and the purpose of this blog was to document just that. This week has been crazy. I have had Dr. appts everyday. On Monday, we took Sammy for a follow up visit and was told he needed a chest xray. Then we came home, had a quick lunch and left for Taishaunas voice and piano lessons. The voice lessons are 1 hour and piano is 1 hour, so I have to find a way to entertain the kids during that time. This time wasn't too bad, Owen had brought his new Spiderman movie over and Johnley had just gotten a new football. So we played catch for a while and then watched the movie. They got bored by the end so we went inside and they stayed pretty quiet.
Tuesday Taishauna volunteers at the library so we dropped her off went to the store. Johnley was a little confused by us dropping her off and gave me a little bit of a hard time going into the store. He finally agreed to sit in the back of the cart with Cara in front. Of course I have been telling Sammy his whole life that we are not allowed to do that, but oh well! Then we went back into the library. Cara was off and running the whole time we were there (15 minutes, felt like an hour!) and Johnley decided to empty one of the shelves onto the floor! So that was fun! The librarian that is in charge of the volunteers had been homeschooled his whole life. He told me that he would be willing to document her activities for our 'portfolio', if we so desire. I told him that this year was just to get our feet wet and we would begin documenting next year. But it was so nice of him to offer.
Anyway, we got back from the library and I was DONE! But all the kids took naps (Johnley and Sammy for about 5 minutes) and after nap I took Johnley to buy shinguards and cleats, while Taishauna watched the rest of the kids. Owen had just woken up and Cara was still sleeping when I left, but leaving her with the kids was incredibly nerve-wracking non-the-less.
Anyway, I wanted to get the stuff for Johnley because the kids had a make-up game at 6 and the last time I took Johnley he threw a fit. I assumed it was because he wanted to play. So I got him (and the other two) all suited up and fed and went to the field. He played for a little while but then just wanted to sit on my lap. I think he might have wanted to play but wasn't sure what was going on. But at least he had the option.

Wednesday is my day without Owen and Cara, and I guess I was expecting a down day so I had a really hard time getting motivated. But I had to take Sammy for an x-ray and then T for a physical at 12. Johnley threw a fit at the hospital while we were waiting to see if the xray was okay, he just decided he was done. He cried all the way home and it really pissed me off. I know I was tired, but I just felt like it was 4 year old bratty behavior, so I sent him to his room when we got home. Sent to his room sounds deceiving. I carried him to his bed and yelled "Kabon!" (which is bed) and walked away. After he calmed down he was fine, laughing and smiling. Meanwhile, I was still pissed off!

Anyway, Erin came over to watch the boys while I took Taishauna. We fed them all lunch and then Jane stopped by with her school bus and all the kids went on it. They thought it was the coolest thing ever! So I took T to her doctor ( I also took Cara) and he is worried that she has scoliosis. So I have to take her to an orthopedic surgeon.

We had drama on Wed. afternoon. This time Megan and Declan and Deegan (sp?) came back to our house to hang out. Its been really hard keeping the kids busy during drama. All the kids had fun but Johnley brought his most treasured photo album and shamelessly flirted with Megan the whole time. It was so sweet.

Okay, that is it for now. Not that anyone wanted my schedule, I just wanted to document how shitty my week was!

Johnley is getting more and more attached to me which is so wonderful. The last couple of nights he wanted me to lay with him to go to sleep so Sammy had to settle for Daddy! (who always gets up and leaves the room before the kid is asleep. when I call him on it he always says "He was asleep" NO HE WASN'T! And then has to go back and lay with him. sheeessh , Men!)
Johnley woke up last night calling for me. I cannot get out of bed in the middle of the night. I try, I want to, but I just can't. So Nick gets up, goes to the boys room and then heads off to the bathroom! And then I hear Johnley calling me again! REALLY? So I get up and go lay with him. Nick comes back and says "Well, I looked in on him but he was asleep!" I don't think he knows what that word means!

Peace and quiet

2007-11-10T11:22:00.000-05:00

I am home alone! T went on a sleepover with her church, Sammy is with Aunt Teri, and Johnley is shopping with Daddy. Life is good. As I sit here in the quiet, I can see my life more clearly and calmly. Johnley is adjusting as expected. There are about ten meltdowns a day, maybe about breakfast, or getting dressed, or brushing teeth...one never knows. But that is more about being adopted at 4 than being adopted internationally. I know this from my experience with T.

Sammy and Johnley are doing just as expected, also. They are not exactly friends, not exactly enemies. They are still sizing each other up. That is equally about adopting at 4 and international adopting, I think. Johnley is behind the power curve on American culture. He is more comfortable playing with Care (18mos.) and her toys. But there are times when they enjoy each other. They both need equal time with Mommy and Daddy, and they both make sure they get it. But while I am home alone, I think I can safely say that I think we are doing alright and that we are going to make it.

Timely visit

2007-11-10T11:02:00.000-05:00

Sue came by to visit me yesterday. Boy, I don't think she will do that again anytime soon! Yesterday I had to take Sammy to the doctor. His fever was lasting 4 days and he was complaining of earaches. I got the boys ready (you know, with all the drama that entails) and cleaned up last night's dishes (because if mommy doesn't, nobody will) and left Taishauna home to play with her friend. As I predicted, Johnley flipped out at the Doctors. I had promised Sammy a new toy if he could go in and be really big and brave to show Johnley that it was okay. Sammy said, "Sure, but Johnley has to go first!" But Sammy did go first and was very good. The Dr. recognized that he wouldn't be able to examine Johnley, but gave me some samples for his congestion, as well as 4 prescriptions for Sammy. He sent the boys away with a lollipop each - good thinkin!

We went to Walmart across the street to get some necessities (Clorox wipes!) as well as a toy. I tried to get my prescriptions filled there for the one stop shopping thing, but it turns out, I don't have an insurance card! So we get a toy each and Johnley has had it. He is hungry and whining. I get the boys in the car, come home and pick up T and her friend so I they can sit in the car with the boys while I get the medicine from my pharmacy, where they have a card on file. I fill out my calendar while I am waiting (aren't I the efficient one) and get everyone home. I give the boys their medicine, feed them lunch and let them play for a few before nap. At this point I am just praying I survive until nap.

Sue calls, says shes close and wants to stop by. We sit down to chat and Sammy starts clinging (nothing new, he has been on my lap for three days because he is sick). But he is being especially whining and I am trying to get him to leave me alone for a moment so I can talk to Sue. All of a sudden he says uh-oh and dashes to the bathroom to throw up. Except he doesn't make it. He started about two feet from the bathroom door in the family room and covered the whole bathroom too - walls, doors, himself, etc.

Great.

So I get out the bucket, clean it up, clean him up, cover everything with bleach and start a load of wash. I am thinking two things. 1. If I were Sue, I would run gagging from the house, and 2. If Taishauna finds out she is going to move out. So I do all the cleaning as fast and as quietly as I can. To her credit, Sue stayed and talked to Johnley while I cleaned and then visited with me for a few more minutes before she left.

I am certain in this knowledge: Sue is very glad she is not me!

But after she left, the boys napped (for a long time) and my faith in the world was restored!

Gods little joke

2007-11-08T09:09:00.000-05:00

It is Gods little joke on me that what Johnley needs most is a real mom. One that is present, that actually cooks. I had told Sue that all I had to do was become a completely different person and then I would be ready for Johnley, and I was right! The joke is that's my fantasy, to be one of those moms that is always present, discovering the world through her childs eyes. You know, one that actually likes being with kids! And I do, I really do, in theory. But my God, its exhausting in reality! They are so damn needy! Can't I just get them a playmate for each other and be done with it? Thats what I thought I was doing, but boy did that backfire! Sammy and Johnley don't even like each other yet!

Okay, I'm mostly just kidding. It just hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday that Johnley needs me, he really really needs me, and it just felt so overwhelming - I didn't feel at all up to the task. But of course I am, this is what I have been preparing my whole life for, these three little children. Hmmmm, I think I'll go make some banana bread and warm up the house and home.