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Avena's Christmas

Adoption is funny.

It is a matter of fact around here, everyone is adopted. Between taking care of foster children and adopting, we are used to loving other peoples children as our own. Our children are used to accepting other children into their lives as brothers and sisters.

But this one is different. Avena is 14. It may take another year for her to come home. But she is my daughter. I have never met her, but she occupies my thoughts and a piece of my heart. I can't imagine what she is going through. Well, hell, I can't imagine what her life up to this point has been like, but I am now referring to how she feels about us.

So it has been brought to my attention that I can send Avena letters, cards, photos and such. I guess I should have been doing this all along. So we all set out to write her a letter.

What do you say to a girl that you don't know?

Well, if you are Sammy you say this:

Dear Avena,
I'm happy you are coming here and I love my mom and my dad and my brother and my sister and I'm really happy you are coming here. I hope you have a nice Christmas and I hope you have a good time. I am 5 and I like playing baseball with my dad and like going outside and playing on the swing set with my brother and playing games with my family.
Love Sam

Johnley:
Dear Avena,
I'm happy you are going to be my sister. I have to sleep in my own bed. I like my mom and the rest of my family. The pool is closed now but I like to swim in it when it is open.
Love,
Johnley

And dear sweet Taishauna,
Dear Avena
Hey, I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. I can't wait for you to come. We do all sorts of cool and fun things like ice skating and bowling. I am home schooled and we belong to a club called 4H and we do a whole lot of fun stuff. On December 4th we are having a food drive. The 4H club will collect food and it will be given to people who need it. We have two 5 year old brothers, one is Sammy and the other one is Johnley. He is from fontana Village in Haiti just like you. I don't know if you remember him. It would actually be good if you knew Johnley, this way you wouldn't be totally scared. You shouldn't be scared anyway. We don't bite. I am so glad that I am getting a sister. I am so tired of living with 2 brothers and no sisters. Ive always wanted a sister. I had a foster sister names Destinee a really long time ago before Sammy and Johnley were born. Anyway she was a foster child so she went to live with her Aunt in Texas and I never saw her again it was so sad. I am 15 years old. There are a lot of girls close to our age so you will have a lot of friends including me. I will never leave your side. I will always be there for you. We are going to share the same room. We have a trampoline and a pool and a swing set all in the back yard. Can't wait to see you.

From our sister Taishauna.
P.S. I love you

Cabin fever

What do you do with your kids when they are sick and have been stuck in the house for what seems like forever.....Let them go deep sea diving!

Something to think about

Johnley: "I'm not going back to Haiti cuz Santa Claus doesn't know where Haiti is."

A year of Johnley

The adoption agency I used for Johnley works with a couple in Haiti with the last name of Fontana. The village where Johnley lived was named for them (so was this blog). I have been asked to write a letter for them so they can see in writing how 'their kids' are doing. I don't know much about them except that they had a day school down there and after encountering hundreds of children begging on the street, they realized they needed to open an orphanage. So they did. They began working with Holt when Haiti opened it's doors to international adoptions.

So I thought I would kill two birds with one stone, as it were, and add this to my blog.

Tomorrow is Johnley's finalization day. It is basically just a formality, but exciting none-the-less. I can't believe he has been here for a year already. So he has been through one round of the holidays, rituals, etc. This year when he anticipates Christmas, it will be from some type of memory, something to go on. It was never more clear to me how many holidays we celebrate than when I saw them through Johnley's eyes.

He has got the daily life down pat. He and Sammy take turns being the boss. He does plenty of stuff on his own. (he is always the one to ask to use the Wii to play the Mario racing game...so Sammy just watches.) He joins Sammy on these elaborate role playing games. First they put costumes on - usually the Power Rangers. Then they put clothes on over them, button down shirts because they have to go to work. Then Johnley is the Dad and Sammy is the son. Dad takes son on a tour of the house. They collect stuff they need for work and it goes on from there.

He now believes that daily dessert is a God given right, and has been known to walk through the door after a birthday party where he consumed 10lbs. of sugar and ask "What are we having for dessert?"

He knows that I lay with Sammy until he falls asleep (which is usually 2 minutes) and then I lay with Johnley until he falls asleep (which is usually a little longer than 2 minutes!). He knows that he can pick his own breakfast, and that I have become accustomed to preparing chicken noodle soup or chili for breakfast.

He knows that he has to take turns picking out the movie and using the remote - for inside the house or in the car. He knows where all his clothes are and how to get dressed. He also knows Mommy will dress him if he asks.

When he first came here he had many tantrums. They were all because he didn't understand. They were also all because he thought he was getting the raw end of the deal. He was (and is) very aware of fairness, and any perceived unfairness will be met with anger, crying, throwing stuff (usually pillows). When he first came here, before he could speak the language, he would take his clothes off when he was angry. At one point he would pee on the floor. I assumed that was because it was the only thing he had control over.

Now he gets angry and yells. But it is getting better. He is usually able to almost immediately stop and come and get a hug. He says he is sorry and will try harder to be good. Mostly he is happy. He has the most beautiful laugh.

He loves watching TV and playing computer games. He loves to dance. He loves kisses and hugs. He loves his sister and brother. And he loves his friends, of which he has many. He loves jumping on the trampoline and playing on the swings. At the beginning of the summer, he would only play on the steps of the pool. By the end of the summer he was jumping of the diving board, swimming like a fish.

He loves playing, but is very intimidated by groups. He is on Sammy's soccer team, but will only do the practice, is not comfortable playing with the other kids. Recently we went to a friends farm where he was not afraid to ride the horse, but was afraid to the potato sack race.

He is learning his colors, numbers, letters with enthusiasm. He likes saying what we are thankful for everyday, and will remind us if we forget to do it. He loves riding his bike (he got a new one for his birthday). He loves playing on the swing sets and wrestling with his father and his brother.

He doesn't remember his birth language, he forgot that almost immediately, but he has a picture of his birth mother. I don't think he really remembers her, but sometimes he pretends he does. Its nice for him to know there is someone else out there in the world, thinking of him and loving him.

It has been a year of learning, of loving. Of trials and triumphs. He has made a permanent place for himself in this family. It has been of year of happy, of sad, of confused and comfortable.

Tomorrow is Johnley's finalization day, his day of permanence. He will forever and always be a part of our family. He is already a part of our hearts.

He woke up at 5:30 am today and began calling Sammy a 'STUPID MORON' because he realized that Sammy was sleeping next to me and he wasn't. At 5:30am I was wondering what would happen if we didn't show up tomorrow to sign the papers!

I told him I was writing about him. I told him I was writing about him being angry. He said "You are?" "Why don't you write about me being cute?"

So here he is cute.

These past few weeks have been very difficult with Johnley. Well really, the past few months. Well really, this past year! But lately its been harder than usual. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure if we are just tired of it, or if it is actually getting worse or what. But if we think it is harder on us, it is even harder for Johnley. He is struggling so much now to figure out his place. He has also been very sad lately. He will just burst into tears and come running for a hug. He said the other day he was going to go back to Haiti when he grows up. I can't even imagine what he is going through. Maybe its time to read some of those books about children grieving.

My very wise friend Pam has pointed out to me that each of my children need some time alone with me. And she is right. I need to start taking them out seperately and spend some time with them alone. That would probably do wonders for both Johnley and Sammy, but especially Johnley.

The never ending Halloween

We have been celebrating Halloween for two weeks! We carved pumkins, made chocolate lollipops and withches (or are they bats, I can't tell!)

First we went to a costume birthday party as ninjas.

Next we went to a celbration at Georgian Court College. We changed to thing 1 and thing 2.

Then it was a halloween party at church.

Then a halloween party with the homeschoolers. Now we have switched to Power Rangers!

Then trick or treating with a group of friends.

Then trunk or treating at the Brick soccer complex

Then trick or treating on our street.

Then trick or treating with our cousins.

Then visiting Aunt Teri...

and Aunt Ilene.

Finally, halloween is OVER!

worth noting

Just in case you were wondering how the whole mumps thing is going...

Sammy: Mom, want to hear the song I was singing?

M: ok.

Sammy: Mommy loves Johnley, and not meeeeee. Mommy takes care of Johnley and not meeee.


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Yesterday we had to go the the Holt office in Trenton so I could speak to parents who are going to adopt. While I was with them, Johnley wandered into one of the offices and saw our two presidential candidates on the computer screen. After stating that he knows who they are, he tells the woman, "I want Obama to win because he is black like me!"

I guess pointing to Obama for the last 4 months and saying, "This is going to be our first black president" has had some effect!

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While in the aforementioned meeting, I was reminded of some of Johnley's behavior when he first came here. It is hard to believe that I had forgotten some of this, but obvious that I need to record it! When he first came here he:

• refused to wear a coat, no matter what the weather.
• once inside, would strip off all his clothes.
• would strip the bed of all sheets, blankets and pillows.
• would lock himself in the room 900 times a day. (we finally removed the doorknob. It is just now back on!)
• would sit at the counter, pick up his bowl of food or glass of juice, look us in the eye and dump it on the floor.
• would stand in the middle of the bathroom, look us in the eye, and pee all over the floor!

Thankfully, all that behavior is a thing of the past. Now he has come up with new and creative ways to make me crazy!

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Sammy had a dream last week that I peeled my face off and I was a lizard. He refused to sleep next to me for four days. As he said, "I just can't be sure that its not true!" So now I'm affectionately known around here as the lizard. I guess it could have been worse....

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We have been world travelers this week. I promise a post with pics in the very near future.

We have the Mumps

We went to the Doctor yesterday thinkin Johnley had an ear infection. He complained Saturday that his ear hurt. I asked him if it hurt on the inside or the outside and he changed his answer 3 times. By Sunday night he had a knot behind his ear, that I thought was swollen glands. By monday morning it had gotten more swollen, but I still thought it was an earache.

The Dr. checked him out, and said he has a slight infection. Then he looked at his neck and immediately said, 'Oh, that's mumps'! I was horrified!

We had started the immunizations, but took the summer off! I don't know if we had would have gotten the MMR by now, or not. But at the time I felt horrible.

I had no idea what mumps was. For all I knew it was like polio. I mean, why else would there be a vaccine for it? The Dr. started to explain it to me, and it didn't sound that bad. It is an infection of some gland (I forget the name) and there is no treatment. It last about three weeks, and for children there are usually no side effects. I really wanted to say, 'Then why on earth do you vaccinate for it?'

So it turns out that it can be bad for teenagers or adults, but not so much for kids.

It hurts, tho, so everytime the motrin wears off, he cries. He feels fine, so he wants to jump around, and then it hurts.

Here is the little dude. Does he look pitiful, or what

Here he is smiling, tho. Much cuter!