"Come tubing with us...it will be fun!"

(Warning: Long Post - But in my defence...long day!)

Sounds reasonable, right! We take the kids tubing on the Delaware. We can get tubes, or rafts, or a combination of the above. Sure let's do it!

Dear Pam,
This is Nick. The next time you come up with a great idea like this, please think about what it actually means before you suggest it.....


Morning of:

Okay, everyone needs bathing suits, board shirts and shoes. Sammy, you wear your nike sandals, Markeese and Johnley, you wear your boat shoes. Taishauna, wear your red sneakers.

No, Sammy and Johnley, you cannot switch shoes. I don't care that you like those better, they don't fit. I know Markeese and Johnley have the same shoes, and I'm sorry, but they didn't have your size.

Markeese, stop doing that! Why is Sammy crying. Jeez Markeese, why do you have to tease them!

Nick, we should bring food for the ride there and back, and maybe a cooler for the tubing, what do you think? No? You don't think we will need food or drinks for tubing. Okay, if you say so.

Everyone go get clothes to change into for the ride home. Sammy, you need a shirt, underwear and a pair of shorts. You got them? Good. So go ask Johnley if you can pick his out. He is in the bathroom. He said you could? Okay, go get them.

You want to switch the shirt you picked? You and Johnley are going to wear matching shirts? Okay, that's fine (and this is my undoing), pick out a different pair of shorts. The orange ones you picked are hideous. (Note to self: get rid of those)

We need suntan lotion. And the stick for our faces. Does anyone know what Johnley did with my sunglasses?

What, the kids are crying again? What's going on? Puleeze people, work with me! Okay, fine. New rule: Markeese is not allowed within five feet of the kids. Restraining order!

Okay, we have towels, change of clothes, underwater camera. Directions? Shoot, no. And I also forgot to print out the waivers. Get everyone in the car, I will print them. Oh, yeah and coupons. The directions say if we are going this way there is a detour, are we going that way? No? okay then.

We are all ready to go? Everyone buckled? We picked a movie? What? Are you serious? Okay, Nick, go brush your teeth!

Do you have food? And water? And cash? Alrighty then, lets go!

9:18 AM - did you notice the AM????

Okay.
So we're all very excited; the kids maybe too much. There was drama over the water bottles, drama over the beach towels, etc. But we made it into the car and without too much more drama get there (btw, we did have to take the detour, thank god for gps!)

We're there.





Look how happy we all look!



Taishauna has decided that she doesn't want to go in a tube, she wants to go in the boat with Daddy. Okay, that's fine, lets get a tube for her anyway in case she changes her mind.


We are standing in line and I notice a sign that says 'Don't be a tree hugger'. Oh Crap! Are these people all anti-liberal rednecks? Then I read the rest of the sign and realize it is what to do in case of a storm! Oh, ok. I read how if a storm hits to get out of the water and blah, blah, blah... they only last about 20 minutes.

We get on the bus, yes, a school bus, but with the seats all turned to face the middle. We all squish in and get driven to our destination. We all get off, but they hold Nick and the boys back. Apparently those on the raft do not get off with us, they go on further ahead. Nothing we can do, everyone else is already off the bus.

Here is a picture of us on the bus - I couldn't stand, so it's not really a great shot.

Markeese, Taishauna and I follow Pam and her clan and her friends (who we had met on the parking lot) down to the water. And let me add here that all of Pam's friends were very nice and would probably not want to invite us in the future....they were all without kids!

We get in our tubes (and I say that like it my big fat butt can do it gracefully) and wait for Nick. (And kuddos to Taishauana, she got it the tube without complaint) And wait for Nick. And wait for Nick! Ooooh, here he comes, it only took him 30 minutes to paddle up with the kids!

So we are on our way. We end up way ahead of everyone else so I keep trying to get Nick to slow down, but you can't exactly stop the current! We are having fun, Markeese is in the boat now, we are all tied to the boat, we hook up with Pam and her clan. The kids take turns getting wet, for a while Sammy sits on my lap and Johnley sits on Pam's.

This is how Nick hauled the kids back into the boat! By their vest handle!

Most of our tubes are tied together, and then we all just tie to the raft. So now Nick is pulling all of us! And then it starts to rain! Great! We are in the middle of the fucking Delaware in the rain. And we are freezing! Sammy turns over on me to try and stay warm. There is nothing to do (and I mean nothing!) except laugh.

Nick is quickly losing his good mood. So we put the kids back in the raft and Pam and I untie our tubes. So now Nick can move quicker (gee, I wonder what that combined weight was!) and quickly leave Pam and I behind.

It's all good. The rain is stopping. The sun is coming out. And the food stand is just ahead. If I can get food into everyone, and the rain stops, we can still save this. Everyone will be happy (or happier)

Except Pam and I can't seem to get anywhere. She is utterly unconcerned, just enjoying herself. So I get inside my tube and walk/paddle to get us into the current. Except now I have to get back up on my tube. Man, if we only had a video camera for that! Pam and I are laughing so hard we are crying as I slip on the rocks and try to heft myself up on the tube! Did you ever stand in waist deep water and try to climb on a tube? I finally got in the tube and managed to. squeeze. my. legs. up. Wasn't easy.

Okay, now paddle to the food place, gracefully jump out of the tube (not!) and take care of my kiddies!

Fuck, we are only halfway done, and I am OVER this!

So we all eat after standing in line forever and spending over $50. I get 6 hot dogs, 4 drinks, 2 packs of skittles, and a snickers bar. (Yes, the snickers bar is for me and I'm not sharing! Hey, I need energy to keep everyone else happy!) The kids are going to share the skittles. So I take half of a pack and give them to Johnley on a napkin, give the rest of the bag to Markeese. I had Taishauna her bag, thinking she will do the right thing. She immediately puts half of them on the table. Sammy's mad because he doesn't want to eat off the table. I tell Taishauna to give him the bag. She says she doesn't want to eat them, they have been on the table! Markeese quickly says he will eat them.

So now Sammy doesn't have any. I grab Markeese's bag and get a handful for Sammy and put them in an empty cup. There! Everybody eat your candy, shut up and get in the water.

We get out on the water and I hear Pam say "Next time I see you guys I'm going to bring you each your own bag of skittles." Bitch.

So Nick and the raft quickly move ahead. I'm holding the other end of Pam's rope and I'm the only one paddling. She tells me just to let go because she just doesn't feel like working. I let go and proceed to try and catch Nick and the kids. For the next two hours! He just doesn't want to be caught. I am getting pissed. I am tubing by myself. Who the fuck wants to tube by themselves?

And why is Nick moving over to the side? Oh shit, there is a little waterfall. Oh shit, oh shit!

I don't want to tip. With my luck it will be bad. Oh shit! Oh, that was just a little bump. That wasn't so bad. I turn and see the people behind me flip over. Hmmmp. Amateurs!

I literally spend the next two hours trying to catch him. I can't even imagine what he was going through. I'm sure he was thinking "Aimee better damn well be enjoying her break." The kids were done, wouldn't stop messing with all the ropes, etc.

The good news is: I caught up with them.

The bad news? They had to get out of the water for LIGHTENING.

Yes people, we managed to pick a day when it would actually thunder and lightening.

Can I just say, that up until now, Taishauna was SUCH a good sport. This is so not her thing - she HATES nature. And she was a trooper. Until the lightening. That's it. I'm done. You people suck and I am walking the rest of the way. Now. Ahead of all of you.

So she did. We all waked until Nick put the raft back in the water with Johnley in it and pulled him. When I say those rocks were slippery, I mean slippery. IMPOSSIBLE to walk on.

I carried Sammy over the not-so-slippery-but still-hard-to-walk-on rocks on the shore. Completely soaking wet, with wet canvas sneakers on. The wet canvas sneakers had rubbed the skin of the side of my little toe. Raw. Anyone care to guess how much that hurts? Walking over rocks? With a kid on your back?

I tell Markeese to get the camera, I want this documented, dammit! But no, Sammy had got a hold of the camera and used up all the film taking pictures of the water. Damn, damn, damn!

Yeah, we were happy campers at this point! The kids were hungry, wet, tired. We were hungry wet, tired! We could see the end, but it seemed like we could never get there. Johnley is screaming. Just screaming. He doesn't know quite how to handle life when it gets this bad. And of course at this point we are just telling him to be quiet, like that's going to happen.

Markeese is picking up these tiny, tiny frogs, which are so cool, but I am threatening his life if he doesn't stop!

Ah, we get to the end. What are we supposed to do with these fucking tubes? We have to bring them back where they go? Are you kidding me? Why isn't there someone at the shore waiting for us. (Mind you, my foot is still raw - it hurts!) The kids have to go to the bathroom, fine, go. I'm going back to the car, I HAVE to take these shoes off.

Kids come back to the car, can't use the bathroom, it's too disgusting. Okay, lets change, everyone is soaking wet. Sammy grabs his clothes, Nick changes him. Where are Johnley's clothes? All I can see is a shirt. Crap, that's all we have. Sammy got so excited about the shirts, he forgot to pack shorts. So I take Markeese underwear and put them on him. Put the kids in the car and give them all a beach towel to cover up with - we are all freezing. Take my wet clothes off, put dry ones over my wet bathing suit. I don't care, now that my shoes are off.

Aaaaaah. So we are all (relatively) dry, comfortable in the car. Food and water are nearby - Life is good. Life is great.

Okay, so I immediately start the PR. Wasn't that fun?? Okay, it was too long, we should have done the two or three hours, but that was fun right? Okay, it sucked that it rained and thundered and lightening(ed?), but other than that it was fun, right?!!!

Guess what they said.