Wow! It's been over a year! That sucks! I have definitely noticed a pattern with adoptions and blogs, though. People blog like crazy in the time leading up to the adoption and immediately after, and then...nothing. That's because it is really HARD having a stranger come live with you. And the older they are, the harder it is! No matter how prepared you are, and how you THINK you are anticipating it without rose-colored glasses..you still imagine it to be easy, doable, fun. Its not.
Part of the problem is that we don't take into account the actual person we are adopting. We imagine this blank slate, this someone just waiting to be filled with our ideas, traditions, love. But what we forget is that these kids come already full. They have a whole life full of ideas, traditions, tastes, etc. And they don't necessarily mesh with yours. Having an almost grown woman come and live with you is especially difficult, cuz we all know how well women get along when they live together!
On any given day I can tell you that Avena is doing great. She is progressing in school, participating in the family more, smiling more, learning to read, etc. On that same day I can admit that she is learning NOTHING in school, they are just moving her along, that participating in the family more means she said hello today and when she was reading with Nick last night she had her head in her arm on the counter and only mumbled the words. It all in your perception.
The fact of the matter is: it takes a LONG time to adjust. We have had to adjust to a new person in the family; she has had to adjust to having a family, a new country, a new language, a new religion and much more.
i can tell you that we are making progress. Most days it is one step forward, two steps back, but progress none-the-less.
When Avena first got here (and during her first year) we tried a lot of different tactics. We took her to a Haitian church hoping that she would feel more comfortable, but it became obvious that it wasn't just the language that kept her from talking, she was so used to not talking at all anyway. We tried getting her counseling, but again, not interested in talking. So for now we are just letting her be and that seems to be working. We have worked out most of the kinks of living together (house rules, et.al) and now it is like she just got here and we are getting to know one another.
Avena has come to us after 15 years of hardship, so she has issues. One by one, and eventually, we will work those out, and our whole family will be better for it.
Coming up next....whats been going on with the rest of us in the meantime!
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