Weekend

Johnley had his first ice cream cone. He threw the cone away! Everyone who came over, or we visited this weekend, gave Johnley toys/and or candy. Welcome to America! All is well here, sorry I haven't posted. Apparently there is a big difference between 2 children and 3 children! Especially if child #3 doesn't speak English!

The biggest problem has been transitions. Because we can't explain to Johnley what we are doing he is often under the impression that we are doing something else. And bedtime is never fun!

On Saturday we stayed home. It rained again so we stayed in. Aunt Teri came over loaded with presents for everyone! Johnley was terribly shy, until Teri sat down on the floor to play Monopoly Junior with Sammy. Johnley began playing with the houses.


Later, Erin, Bill, Owen and Cara came for a visit. Owen was beside himself with excitement! I think he was a little disappointed because Johnley was very shy, and you know, the whole 'doesn't speak the language thing'! Bill sat down and played with legos with Johnley and he loved building the tower and knocking it down. Unfortunately I didn't get any pictures. It was great they came over, though, so Johnley could meet them.

We skipped nap on Sat. and found out that was a BIG mistake. Bed time was a nightmare. So for now, naps are not optional.

Sunday was very busy. Taishauna went to church and helped decorate for the kids Halloween party. We went up later and Sammy went through the haunted trail and the 'McDeadlys' food shop! Johnley made a glove filled with candy and popcorn and really enjoyed eating it! Then it was home for lunch and nap. Nap was cut short somehow, then a visit from Merideth, Max and Kyle. Max brought Johnley a Thomas the Train Wonder Pad, cool stuff!




After that it was off to the ODon Trail of Terror! Check out the pictures... Everything was so great, the campfire, the decorations, the company. Johnley sat on Nicks lap the whole time but was fine.

Then it was off to Aunt Ilenes house. The whole family (minus Irving) was there so Johnley got a full dose. But as long as there are kids around, he seems to do well. Of course where there are Aunts, there are gifts, and the big hit was a little flashlight. Huge hit!

So all in all, a very busy weekend, but he did great. Here are some pictures of his time here so far, this includes Monday when Owen and Cara were here. Some of them are video.

Sammy.....Let's see. Yesterday Johnley was screaming about something and Sammy said "yeah, thats just Johnley, he is screaming again!", as if this is how it is now, no big deal. He is also getting a taste of his own medicine. Johnley sneezed, and Sammy freaked! It got on me! Well, now you know how Taishauna has felt for the last 4 years! Johnley is in love with Taishauna, absolutely fascinated by her. I taught him to say "Silly boy", trying to make him understand joking, pretend, etc. and he says "Taishauna, silly boy", and cracks himself up!

First day - part 2

It rained all day yesterday. The perfect day to do nothing buy get acquainted. Johnley came with nothing. He had a little bag of various toys that Nick had brought down with him, but that's it. Nick purchased a few trinkets from Haiti, some paintings, some painted scrap metal (shaped like the sun, very nice) and a vase. Johnley was very protective of his possessions. He gave them to me to protect and when Sammy came to touch them, Johnley said "no, no, Sammy". The first toy he noticed was a Winnie-the-Pooh riding toy that I have here for Cara. He rode it all day, and is still riding it now! Taishauna showed him that the seat opens and Johnley immediately began collecting treasures all over the house and storing them. When it got full, he would empty it and begin again!

Sammy was wonderful! He showed Johnley all around the house and pointed to all his books and toys. They played together for a while (sort of) and then Sammy announced that he wanted us to take him back and bring back a brother who speaks like us! He is happy, though, to have his daddy home. He spent the day just playing with his dad, and Johnley spent the day discovering all the toys. Lunch time came and Sammy ate his sandwich, Johnley was not interested, but they both had a piece of candy after. (Don't sweat the small stuff, right?) Then it was nap time. Naptime was really important because: 1. Nick discovered if Johnley doesn't get a nap, the whole afternoon is one big meltdown, and 2. Nick and I were exhausted! (neither of us had slept more than 4 hours the past couple of nights. So we bring the boys to bed, convince Sammy that if he goes to sleep Johnley will, and we go to our room. Johnley just sits on his bed, mad as hell. Then he begins to cry. Nick goes in for a little while and then decides to just leave him to it. We both pass out and when we wake up, we discover that Johnley has passed out on the bare mattress. He took the sheets off. We cover him up and let him sleep.

When he wakes up he comes out to the family room all smiles, and we spend the afternoon doing more of the same. At one point Sammy wants to watch the Little Mermaid, so we put it on. Johnley begins watching it and then gets very sad. I don't know if he is scared, bored, or sad, but it is the most pitiful look I have ever seen. So I call Taishauna to come out of her room, and he perks right up! He loooooves Taishauna! They begin coloring together and his smile returns.
Dinner time was great! We found a child who will eat what we serve! Nick made a chicken and rice dish, and Johnley ate every bit and asked for seconds. Taishauna ate plain chicken and Sammy wanted a hot dog! Nick was told that typically, the kids will eat really well until they discover pizza and french fries and such and then they join their American counterparts in becoming picky! I am just going to enjoy it while I can!

Next came bathtime - apparently they don't have bathtubs, they just wash up (which means that the bath oils and lotions we gave the house mothers were for shit :) oh well!). We put Sammy in the tub with water, washed him and then he sat down. We put Johnley in, washed him and he wouldn't sit. We put the toys in, started playing, but he wasn't having it. He just stood there shivering. So we got both boys out and put feet pajamas on them (we figured it was really cold compared to Haiti). Johnley looked confused but let us have our way, especially since Sammy was wearing them too.
I tried to settle them down by reading to them, it worked for a while till it didn't! They played for a little while and then we brushed teeth. I pretty much forced the toothbrush into Johnley's mouth. He wasn't crying, but he wasn't happy either! Then we put them in bed and Nick started reading a story. Johnley was pissed and got out of bed, Sammy climbed on Nick's lap and pretty soon Johnley joined him. Then we kissed the boys goodnight and left the room.

Johnley immediately closed and locked the door - not a good sign! We told him to open it and he did. He started crying and Sammy announced that he was crying and that he took his pajamas off. I went in to lay with Sammy and watched Johnley systematically take the sheets of the top half of the bed, take the pillow case off the pillow, lay down, sit up and push the sheets and blanket further down, and settle down on the pillow. I asked him if it was all good (bien?) and he explained what he had done. I said that was ok (daco) and he went to sleep.

I have no idea what that was about, but no worries. All in all the day was a huge success. I really don't see how it could have gone better. I'm sure there will be worse days (probably lots) but all is right with the world.

I am VERY upset about one thing, though. Last night Sammy came into our room and said "Mom?", and Nick said, "Come on up buddy", and Sammy said, "No, I'm gonna sleep in my bed." And then he went back to bed!!!!! Can you believe that? My baby doesn't need me anymore? I had planned for them BOTH to sleep with me....Damn.

First day - the trip home

Yesterday was absolutely perfect. I want to try and record everything...this is my baby book! We arrived at the airport about an hour early ( I need to give myself plenty of time to get lost!), but Nick's plane was scheduled to come in 30 minutes early, can you believe it! My brother Joe was going to meet us at the airport to video tape everything and of course he didn't leave himself anytime for traffice et.al. so he arrived moments before they got off the plane! Anyway, we had our balloons and our poster. We walked around for a few minutes looking at the stores and then Nick called to say they had landed. We gathered around the gate and everyone asked who we were waiting for (the sign said WELCOME HOME JOHNLEY) so we told them we were adopting. There was a palpable excitement in the air.

Nick came through the gate carrying Johnley who looked a little freaked out. We started to say hello, but I moved us all to the side, because it seemed like we were in the middle of a crowd. I, of course, started to cry, Nick put Johnley down but kept him close and we all said hello. Johnley seemed fascinated by us and happy, not to scared. Pretty soon Nick had Sammy and Johnley clinging to him! The balloons were a great idea, he was immediatly pleased with them. We gave them to him to hold and Sammy showed him how to bop them, so that became the activity!

We moved down to baggage claim, with Joe taping everything - thank you so much, Joe! We took a few more minutes getting used to each other and when the bags came we headed to the car, Johnley never leaving Nick's arms. Nick said Johnley was very unhappy with the seatbelt from the plane so he didn't know how he would react to the carseat. We had set up both booster seats in the middle seat in the van, so Sammy climbed in his and Johnley was fine with his. I broke out the mini muffins and juice boxes and I'm pretty sure I made a friend for life! He seemed to look at me like "You must be alright if you carry this stuff around with you!"

We said goodbye to Joe, and got on the road. Sammy immediately started showing Johnley the airplanes flying in and out, and Johnley showed Sammy the machines (trucks) and that was that, universal boy language!

We're Home!!

Best Friends!!!

Not sure what's going on!

Meeting my son

So in a few short hours I will be meeting my son for the first time. I can't really wrap my head around it. For him is just another step in a continuing journey of unbelievable changes, hell, tomorrow alone is going to be full of changes, but for me it is THE moment. The first time I see him, the first time I hug him, the first time I hear him talk face to face. It will be a moment that I will remember for the rest of my life.

I've been walking around the last week completely aware of all the last times. This is the last time I will give Sammy a bath alone, this is the last time Owen and Sammy will be in the car without Johnley, etc. And tonight will be the LAST time I go to bed without tucking Johnley in.

Right now, Sammy and Taishauna are safe and sound in their beds, right here. And tomorrow night ALL my children will be

Tomorrow we will be a family of five, a family that has come together through many different ways, a family that was meant to be all along, a family that is finally complete.

Native Soil

They are in the U.S. They arrived in Miami at 7:40. Not without a hitch, though (of course). American airlines had Johnley flying into JFK tomorrow, and Nick to Newark. They got that straightened out but they also got charged another $100. They shouldn't have, hopefully we will get that back. But they are here! Nick said Johnley loved flying, but he didn't like the seatbelt! Nick finally got smart and loaded up on candy and cookies to bribe him with. 'Cuz THAT'S universal! (This is for you Pam!!)

They are really coming home.

Okay, I'll admit. I didn't believe it! I was sure when they went for their interview today they would be told that the visa will be ready on the next business day, which is Monday because they don't issue visas on Fridays. I was sure this was a setup! But they were told to come back at 2 to pick up the visa and then they go right to the airport. They will fly to Miami tonight and sleep over and fly to Newark tomorrow morning! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I totally stole this from another blog. I hope I don't offend them by posting it, but it is beautiful and so appropriate....

Enough

When I look at your picture I see traces of pain in your eyes,

I see there things that cause a mother’s heart to ache-
Loss, fear, hunger, pain….

You know what it is like to cry yourself to sleep because you are hungry, don’t you?
Did you sleep on the floor, hard and cold?
You know what it is like to be dirty for so long,
You can’t remember being clean.
There were times when you were sick but your parents had nothing to give you so,
You suffered.

Yet, you lived.
So many others do not.

And they, your first parents, loved you;
They gave you their names.

I can’t imagine how terrifying your first night was, there in the orphanage.
Did you watch out the window, waiting for someone to return?
How long did it take before your tears ceased,
Giving way to numbing acceptance of loss too profound for one so small to understand.

I see it all there, in your eyes.

I know I will have to prove it to you,
But I’m not going anywhere.

So many upheavals in one small life.
You have learned to be wary of what comes next.
I see the traces there in the way your brow knits together.

Then, like the first rays of sunshine breaking through storm clouds-
Hope dawns in your eyes.
A fragile hope, but an effervescent smile.
You haven’t given up yet, have you?

Can I love you enough?

Can I love you enough that you will forget what it was like to be lonely?

Can I feed you enough that you forget what it was like to be hungry?

Can I hold you enough that you will forget what it was like to be afraid?

I can’t wait to try….

WE GOT AN APPOINTMENT!!!!

After he hung up from me, Nick got a call - they have scheduled the appointment for tomorrow (Thursday) at 7am! YEAH!!!! So I think they will be coming home Friday am. Just one week late :)

website

Nick asked me to look up the Consulate number on the web and right on their website, it says that for international adoptions, once all the criteria is met, the visa is issued on the next day. So Nick is going to try and call him. If he doesn't get anywhere, then I am going to try the Senators office again. This is CRAZY!

coming home - minus one

Well, Nick is coming home tomorrow - without Johnley. Since we have no way of knowing when the interview will be scheduled it just isn't feasible for him to stay any longer. He needs to get back to work. The adoption agency said they will pay for his return trip to pick up Johnley. I'm sure with our luck it will be on Thursday! I just hope Johnley doesn't feel like he was abandoned. I have no idea how this will affect him.

Help from the government.

Last week Joe contacted someone from the Senators office to help us in Haiti. He told Joe that he would have to talk to me or Nick before he could do anything. Before I talked to him, I learned that the papers had traveled where they should have, so I never called. Apparently he took it upon himself to call the consulate, and now we are being punished. They are pissed off and decided that they would not begin the paperwork with copies as they have in the past, but needed the originals. Monsour delivered the originals this morning and was told not to call again, that he would be contacted when they were ready to schedule an appointment.

So now we are stuck, not a damn thing we can do. We have no idea if they are going to schedule an appointment today, tomorrow or not until friday. Aaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!

Back to the village

Well, Nick was a little too optimistic! Johnley began throwing major tantrums this afternoon. Nick finally called the village and one of the workers there is coming to get Johnley. I can't imagine what he is going to think, once he is taken back, but Nick cannot handle him and it just isn't safe there. (There was an incident with a previous family at this hotel. A government worker demanded identification for the children and threaten to take them away.) So at least now we know that won't happen. Poor Nick.

Morning

I need to stop talking to Nick at night. He calls me with this depressed, defeated attitude and I stay up all night worrying about it. When I call him the next morning, he's like, "No, we were just tired, its all good." I was so worried last night because if Johnley is screaming and someone comes to investigate, Nick doesn't have any proof that Johnley is his kid, and he can't speak the language. I called Nick this morning and told him for the safety of everyone, he should take Johnley up to the village and have him sleep there. I really was in a panic. But Nick said that Johnley passed out right after I talked to him and slept for 11 hours, so he was just tired, and they would be sure to get a nap today!

So once again, wasted worry. I wish I could shut my brain off at night!

Tantrums

Nick just called for some moral support. He has had a really tough day with Johnley. At one point Johnley was screaming at the top of his lungs (OMG, I remember when Taishauna used to do that!) and crying that he was hungry (as far as Nick could tell). Nick tried giving him a million food choices but he wouldn't eat. Right before Nick called me, Johnley threw a water bottle on the floor, and when it didn't break, he opened it and poured it on the floor. When Nick called, Johnley was in the bathroom pouting. My heart breaks for both Johnley and Nick. I honestly don't know who is having a harder time with this all. My guess is Nick. He is a little freaked out because he is in a hotel with a kid screaming at the top of his lungs and Nick doesn't speak the language. He will probably go to the village tomorrow and see if Monsour can help him. Maybe it will be better if Johnley sleeps at the village until they leave.

I would imagine Johnley has serious anger issues. How can you not? He's been abandoned by his mother (in his eyes) and now his life has turned upside down. I thought the honeymoon period would last a little longer, but I guess we are in for some tough times. I'm just sitting here thinking how Sammy and Taishauna will react to all this and for some reason it is making me smile! (Maybe so I don't cry.) I know its not all about me, but damn, this is gonna be hard!

Teeth

Nick called this morning and said, I need some advice...Johnley will NOT let me brush his teeth, what do I do!!!! Really??? When I think of what this boy is undertaking, the changes that have been thrust upon him, it blows my mind. I think its good that they are staying there a few more days. Johnley is staying at the resort with Nick now, and so he is getting some of these changes in little doses. He ran all over every inch of the resort last night, fascinated with everything. He gets to get a taste of living with a parent for a few days before he comes home to live with a new family. Teeth? Way at the bottom of the list of priorities.

Tuesday

They are not coming home until Tuesday. Maybe later. The paperwork finally got to the consulate and they said they need a few days to review it and maybe the could schedule an interview for Tuesday. Apparently that is the last step. Oh Well.

first night

So in the midst of all the drama, last night was the first night Nick spent alone with Johnley. Of course, Nick is a man, so all I got was, "It went good!" But upon further questioning, I got a little bit more information. Johnley is fascinated with everything. He played with the phone for about 30 minutes when they got to the hotel. He didn't want to go in the pool, and once outside, didn't want to go inside. He is also fascinated with the toiletry bag, which of course he can't play with. He slept well, they went and ate breakfast this morning, and right now he is pouting because Nick wouldn't let him play with the power cord! That's what he does when you tell him no for anything, he pouts and won't talk to you anymore!

Nick says as far as the consulate goes, he is done listening to Monsour and being nice. He said he is going to go down there with Johnley and bug them until they get sick of him. He said "At this point, I don't give a shit about the people adopting after us, I just want to get him on the plane!" I must admit, I feel the same way. We haven't heard a peep from the adoption agency during all this, and from my understanding, we should have been able to leave a week ago. We have put up with the bullshit for over two years and we are done!

3 stinking blocks

Aaarrrgggghhhh! This is so frustrating. Apparently the hold up is that the DHS (Department of Homeland Security) and the Consulate are at war with one another. The paperwork is at DHS. DHS says that the Consulate is supposed to pick it up. The Consulate says DHS is supposed to have it delivered. So it has been sitting there for 10 days!!!!!! The offices are only 3 blocks from each other, and yes, Nick tried to get them to let him deliver the papers himself - they, of course, refused.

I got the impression that because it wasn't done today, there is no way they can come home tomorrow. But Nick and Monsour are either very hopeful or in denial because the think it can still happen.

I was at a birthday party with the kids (of all places) when I found out, so I had my friend Sue and my brother Joe both look up our senators numbers and call them. They both came back with the name Patrick Lynott (#(973) 639 8700) who said that it was too late today to do anything about it and he would have to talk to Nick before he could do anything. I have to call him and try to get him to do something. Nick is not always able to get a call out. Btw, if anyone wants to call him, feel free.

Anyway, I'm very depressed and frustrated. Joe pointed out that this has been going on for two years and this seems like the first time it has gotten to me. He is right. I think it is partly because Johnley was sort of an abstract idea before now and partly because I am worried about Nick. He is really having a hard time down there.

But I guess I can only do what I can do and then it is what it is....

Moving along

Nick just called and said Johnley just got his physical. He didn't say how it went, so you would think I could assume it went well. However, I didn't specifically ask if there were any problems, so I really don't know. I am a little confused, I thought the physical couldn't be done until the paperwork progressed, but its really hard to talk sometimes due to voice delays. The plan is still for them to arrive in Newark on Saturday morning!!!

Since Saturday is my birthday, this will be the best present EVER!

However,,,, I am cashing in a babysitting promise and a gift certificate tomorrow. I am going to lunch with my girlfriend and then getting a massage. I'm thinking of this as my last down time for a very long while!

my life

okay, so I have two kids at home at the present time. I also babysit for my niece Erin's two children O (4) and C (18mos.) three days a week. On Tuesdays we have to be out of the house by 8:20 to make to T's art class. Most of our other outings are later, but occasionally we have weeks where we have to get out of the house early every day...or at least it seems like it. So you are getting kids up, fed, washed, teeth brushed and in the carseats...no mean feat. This week in addition to Tuesday's class, we had a 9 am appt. for Taishaunas orthodontist on Wednesday. While I didn't have O and C, I still had to get two kids up and out. (The good news is T got the braces of her top teeth! Yeah!!!) Now, frequently, when we go somewhere, we need to pack drinks and snacks and possibly toys...its an adventure to say the least.

Anyway, today, Thursday, Sammy had a 9am Dentist appt. about 40 minutes away. Today I have O and C. O was the grumpiest I have EVER seen him and Sammy wasn't much better. There were meltdowns before we left the house, a fight upon getting into the car and an attempted fist fight in the car. (I say attempted because they couldn't actually reach each other!) We are running late (of course) and we get on the parkway and come to an immediate halt. Traffic is backed up for miles. When I am within two miles of my exit (and not moving at all) I decide to call the dentist as I am already 5 minutes late. Of course I don't have his number, so I call my brother and ask him to look up the number and call. Well.

He calls me back and tells me that it is no problem I am late because he wasn't scheduled at all!!!!! And it takes me another FORTY minutes to get to the exit so I can turn around!

Yep, thats my life!

Limbo

Nick is stuck in limbo! The paperwork is going nowhere, the temperature is in the high 90's and the hotel employees are on strike! But he is still convinced that he will still be coming home on Friday. He has been calling daily and having Johnley say, "Hi", and "how are you"! When I say Hi back, Johnley cracks up! Its so cute!

Nicks spirits are high, despite the setbacks. Today is a holiday in Haiti, so Nick went to another orphanage with the driver to fix their computers! So at least he is being productive!

Anyway, the paperwork was approved, it just wasn't delivered. So Nick, Johnley and Monsour are going to Port-au-Prince tomorrow to try and move it along. Once the paper work gets to the consulate, Johnley needs a physical, so they are hoping to accomplish that tomorrow and then catch a later flight on Friday. The later flight will put them overnight in Miami, and they will fly to Newark on Saturday. Otherwise, I think they will be stuck there until next week.

Okay, I have to go hold Cara, I will post more later.

Halloween

How do you explain Halloween to someone that never heard of it? If I could, I would skip it, but then Sammy's head would explode!!! Halloween is way up there as a favorite holiday! And as a kid, whats not to love? But he has been watching the decorations go up...he gets that the scary stuff is just pretend. What is poor little Johnley going to think? We decided to only decorate with pumpkins and fall harvest stuff at home, no ring of ghosts this year. And once people start dropping candy in his bucket, I'm sure Johnley will forget everything else. But how do I explain the spiders and monsters up and down the street?

Nick calls everyday to let Johnley say hi to us. Yesterday was so funny. Nick would tell him to say "Hi, Mommy" in English, so Johnley would say, "Hi, Mommy in English!". When we were in the car we were listening to the creole tapes and the man would prompt us to speak in creole by saying, "Say hello, madam" and Sammy would say, "Hello, madam!". The two of them must think all adults are crazy!

We are in the midst of a clothing drive here for people whose apartments were damaged in a fire. My living room is full of clothes people donated (thanks everyone!) and I've decided to switch winter and summer clothes and donate anything I can from there. So I've taken down all the winter clothes from the attic and while I was up there I brought down the Halloween stuff.

I cleaned out Sammys room the other day because he has so many toys he can't keep the room clean, and today I realized I have the same problem with the rest of the house! So this weekend has turned into a declutter weekend. Right now my house looks like a tornado hit it! But after hearing so much about Haiti, I am on a mission to live a simpler life....I just have WAY too much stuff.

Two perfect words

Nick called today (I guess that is how my posts are going to start for the next two weeks!) and said he was exhausted - he had a mass of kids climbing all over him all day! He played soccer with them and just ran around. (and he's not that young, anymore (ok, I was going to write that he's not as young as he used to be, but duh! - some of the things we say really look stupid on paper, or screen as the case may be)). Anyway, we had packed all kinds of little goodies for Johnley, but Nick was advised to just bring a few things yesterday, so he brought a little Diego bouncy ball and a pair of sneakers that light up. Those things are so common here, and our kids are so spoiled, that no one even notices anymore. Well Johnley thought they were the coolest things ever.... he spent hours jumping around showing everyone his light-up sneakers. Nick said between those and the ball, that's all we needed. He couldn't believe how much fun those kids had with that ball.

Anyway, the highlight of my day (week, year) was when Nick put Johnley on the phone and he said "bonjour mommy". Aaaah! It was so great. I happened to be at Roxanne's house and I had it on speaker - she started crying! It was wonderful. I talked to Nick again a little while later and could hear Johnley just yelling and laughing. Roxanne is right, he is going to have such a wonderful bond with Nick by the time he comes back. Its really so perfect, because once Nick goes back to work, the kids are with me all the time, we have ALL kinds of time to bond! But Sammy loooooves his daddy. He lives for the moment when his dad comes through the door. Actually, he starts everyday with "does my dad have work today?" and so now Johnley will probably feel the same way.

Life is good.

World traveler

Today my friend Roxanne is leaving for 10 days in Europe. Her son is there for a semester of college and she is off to mother him for a few days... and to accomplish this she is packing a huge pot for chicken pot pie, a mixer, a bundt pan, and cranberries. Did you ever!!!! Anyway, this is for you Roxanne! Have Fun!

perspective part 2

Nick called this morning. He is feeling depressed and guilty. Depressed because he drove through miles and miles of abject poverty, and guilty because we had no idea Johnley's birth mother came to visit him still. He was slammed in the face with the sacrifice she is making, and has to make, just because she had the bad fortune of being born in Haiti. We can afford another child, hell we could probably afford 10 more, just because we had the good fortune of being born in America. Not only in America, but born white in America. We did nothing to deserve this, and neither did she....

perspective

I just found out that Johnley's birth mother has been visiting about once a month. She went back to the village after the interview to say her final goodbye today. Wow. I had no idea she has been keeping in touch. It really makes the things I worry about seem so inconsequential. What does it take for a mother to choose the loss of her son so he can have a better life? Really she is just a child. Nick said there were lots of tears. He took pictures with the Polaroid to give to her (thank goodness he brought it). He promised to send pictures and letters regularly for her.

So not only is God lending us this child to love, but his birth mother is literally lending him to us to love. And not only do I owe it to God to treasure this child, but I owe it to her.

WE DID IT!!!!

Nick and Johnley just finished the DHS interview and they DID NOT request a DNA test!!!!! Yeah!!!! Processing the visa takes 5-10 business days, with today being day 1. So everyone send out good vibes that they are on the plane, as scheduled, next Friday, October 19!!!!

Today is the day!

Today's the day! Nick has an interview with DHS in Haiti for Johnley's visa application. Today we find out if they are going to request a DNA test before they grant a visa (which would mean waiting four more weeks). Today is the day Nick meets Johnley for the first time! Today's the day!!!!!!

Celebrating Motherhood

Last night my friends and I got together to celebrate Johnley coming. It was such a beautiful night. The weather was perfect. Jen (the hostest with the mostest!) had a table set up outside with lots of flowers and candles. She cooked a delicious meal and we just sat for over four hours talking and laughing. Everyone gave me gifts, which was wonderful (even tho I hate being the center of attention!), but the love and energy I felt was beyond words. We are all homeschoolers and while there was such diversity among our children's ages and needs, there was a common, powerful sense of motherhood. There is a sense of strength, and at the same time, vulnerability, that comes with motherhood and when we gather it multiplies exponentially. They all helped me celebrate in such a beautiful way, and I am very grateful. The gifts were personal and heartfelt and meaningful. It was such a perfect way to begin this last stage of Johnley's journey home. I feel truly blessed to belong to such a group.

Off to Haiti

Nick got off to Haiti! The airport scene was both funny and sad. Nick had a Polaroid camera (a big one) around his neck, a pair of sunglasses and a pair of reading glasses hooked to his shirt, a blackberry hooked on his pants, an ipod and headphones in one pocket and a digital camera in another pocket, and his tickets in his hand. Everytime he went to do something, like take his tickets out, everything would fall or get tangled! I told him he needed a man purse, but he had to settle for a shopping bag.

Once it was time to say goodbye, Sammy started crying and clung to Nick, which made me and Nick start crying. Taishauna was very sweet, she held Sammy's hand as we left. We were all quite mushy when we got in the car, and then I got lost and yelled at the kids for distracting me and we were all back to normal!

Nick called later and reported that he made it to Haiti. He was in the hotel, was just going to get something to eat and hang out and listen to his Creole tapes.

Packing

These are the items we had for Fontana Village. Most of them we bought, but some was collected by friends. Jane and Sue came over with a ton of toys for the kids, great stuff, like bubbles and jump ropes and light-up necklaces! It was great! It made the whole process seem more like a group effort...it takes a village thing.

We spent quite a bit of time trying to get them into suitcases without going over the weight limit. (Of course we had to squeeze in a few items for Nick, thank goodness he knows how to travel light!) After packing and repacking about 6 times, we were able to fit everything in except some play-doh and some marbles.

We ended up with two suitcases weighing exactly 50 lbs. and one carry-on bag. The carry on was actually under the weight limit but bursting at the seams.

I think we got everything we were supposed to. I really wanted to get a backpack and a stuffed animal for Johnley, but I think we got enough to keep him happy and busy while Nick is there. We did get sheets and shoes for the kids, which is what they said they needed. We bought a whole bunch of clothes of various sizes and styles, hopefully it can all be used. We got candles and lotions for the staff. I had wanted to get dishtowels but I ran out of time. It all seemed so critical at the time, but in retrospect I guess it wasn't as big an issue as I felt. (how many times have I realized THAT sentiment too late!)

Any way all packed and ready to go...and we still had five hours left to try and get some sleep!

It is what it is!

Today we will finish. Today we will buy or gather everything that we need to pack. Wether it is for Nick or Johnley or the staff or the other kids, we will have it all in suitcases by the end of the day. Plus, also, Nick will spend quality time with his kids, learn how to use my camera and his phone, make 3 copies of (what seems like) every single paper in the house, and I will make a gazillion brownies for the bake sale tomorrow! Today we will finish! Because..... it is what it is!

The day before the day before he leaves

Today I have to make a photo album for Nick to take. The whole idea of Johnley has been so abstract for me that I haven't given it the attention it deserves. I had sent one photo album before, but that was it. What does a 4 year old child living in an orphanage in a poor country need to see in a photo album? That question has kept me from doing anything, including sending gifts. What do you send a little boy you haven't met? Who may not know about you yet? (Well, I'm sure he does now, but not for the last two years). I don't know if having a 4 year old here at home has made it harder or easier on me. I think about the things I buy Sammy and I don't think any of them would be appropriate for Johnley. Does he really need a sword from the dollar store?

So I just haven't done anything. I have just been counting on taking care of him when he gets here... now I wonder if that is enough. I wish there was an instruction manual on all this.

Anyway, today I have to make a photo album. I also have to buy sheets and tennis shoes. Tomorrow, we have to figure out everything that needs to be packed for Nick and for Johnley. My list so far consists of a photo album, a bathing suit, and swimmies! I am guessing I will have to pack more than that!

I found out the resort that Nick will be staying in as an actual RESORT! I am now jealous! I want to go to a resort, with pristine beaches and fruity drinks!

I did NOT know

I found this in a book about adopting older kids and I think it is so wonderful, I thought I'd share. Anyone who has adopted older children can totally relate. I have experienced some of these things with Taishauna and some with other foster kids. Some of them just don't apply. I think there are so many assumptions made beforehand that some things really come as a shock to us. Like my friend Roxanne says, "I picture this quiet happy boy who will just sit there with a smile on his face the whole plane ride home!"

I did NOT know that I wouldn't bond the minute I laid eyes on them.
I did NOT know that it would take so darn long to put this many kids to bed.
I did NOT know that some American kids could have ever not had a doughnut.
I did NOT know that I would so resent the best intentions of my friends who have no clue what is going on in my house.
I did NOT know that my other children would accept them before I did.
I did NOT know that I would be so aggravated about giving up my private time.
I did NOT know that a small child could consume so much fruit.
I did NOT know that I would never get the chance to be intimate with their bodies at this age. I wouldn't know each little toe like it was my own.
I did NOT know that I would be so afraid of them.
I did NOT know that I would be angry at my husband because he is not afraid of them.
I did NOT know that social workers could take them away, but if I wanted to give them back that's a whole different story.
I did NOT know that I was crazy not to meet them first.
I did NOT know that I would feel so responsible for them.
I did NOT know that they wouldn't know how to live with a dog.
I did NOT know that I would have to teach the House Rules long after I had actually forgotten what those rules were.
I did NOT know how much all this would cost.
I did NOT know how much people would stare at his disabilities.
I did NOT know that it would be this much trouble to get them enrolled in school.
I did NOT know that social workers leave out crucial details.
I did NOT know that I would doubt myself so much, especially in the middle of the night.
I did NOT know they would be so happy with us.

---Trina, adoptive mother of three --- from the book "Our Own", by Trish Maskew

I came across this from a library book. I had borrowed a number of books on international adoption about six weeks ago and saw a poem that I wanted to use for my announcements. Of course I didn't write it down, so I went to the library today and took out every book on international adoption I could find - and I can't find the poem!!! Oh well, I'll keep looking.

Staff gifts

So now its two days away. I am starting to get it together as far as staff gifts. For some reason, this was the most disturbing thing for me. Okay, let me back up. We are on this incredible journey to adopt a little boy from Haiti. Its been in the works since April of 2005 and honestly, most people just got tired of asking when he was coming home! Well, we finally got THE CALL on Wednesday, September 26, 2007. (just 23 days after his fourth birthday).

Our first job was to gather the forms that we would need for the trip. The trip that my husband is going on by himself. This is a country that only required one parent to go and I liked that because it really isn't practical to leave the kids for 2 weeks; I just don't have that kind of support staff. The reason it is my husband going instead of me is because I'm a chicken! The thought of going down to Haiti by myself was just too overwhelming!

So my husband is going and we need to get a few forms together. After a few days of emailing the agency and stumbling through the forms we managed to get them all done and notarized. Now we have to think about what to pack. What Nick needs, what to bring for Johnley, and what to bring for gifts. It states in the 700 page guide book that it is customary to bring gifts for the children, staff and the head of the village, Monsour.

So what do you bring the staff of an orphanage in Haiti? First of all there are 17 of them so it can't be hugely expensive. How do I express my gratitude for what they do? I would buy them all a house if I could. If I was super woman I would make them something beautiful from the heart. But since I am not a millionaire or super woman, what do I get them? I went to two stores today (Kmart and the dollar store), walked around in a fog and left empty handed.

Actually, I spent $42 at the dollar store. I bought some hand cream for the staff and then went to look for things for the kids. Okay, so what do you get for 25 kids, of all ages, who live in what I can only assume is absolute poverty? Some colored pencils, some coloring books, some journals, some toy cars... I mean really, where do you begin? It all seems so trite.

But no time for that. Its Thursday evening. I have to get my hair cut tonight, (long overdue), we have to make a photo album for Johnley, oh yeah, Johnley. What do I pack for him? He will be spending lots of time with Nick at a nearby resort where Nick will be staying. He doesn't speak English and Nick doesn't speak Creole. There is a pool there so a bathing suit and swimmies, because does he know how to swim? Don't know! Does he like sports? Don't know! And anyway, what sports would they be?

I know I seem terribly uneducated about all this, but I have tried researching it and it is next to impossible to find out this information.

Ah well, it does seem like I'm whining and I don't mean to. What I mean to do is express that my head is going to explode! I find myself just walking around in a fog half the time. Anyway, the whole point of this post was to announce that I decided that I will give the staff lotions, oils and soaps. I have asked all my close friends and family to look in their homes for any such items they may have received as gifts and don't plan to use. I will also get some jelly bellies. I found a blog from someone adopting from China and she had made a list of items that seem to be wanted. Most everything can be found at the local supermarket.

So that covers the staff, at least the females. No idea what to get Monsour. We are going to buy some sheet sets and tennis shoes for the kids, that was a specific request. And some toys....

But no time to dwell...Taishauna has a social night at the church tomorrow that I am in charge of. I need to find a babysitter for Sunday. Possible overnight. I was invited to join some friends to celebrate, among other things, Johnley coming. Which is wonderful. I need to make some baked goods for church on Sunday. They are having a bake sale to raise money to buy phone cards for children of families that have become homeless - can't find a much better cause than that.

Sammy is a little anxious that his dad is going away (to play with Johnley, no less) and won't be available to play with him! So Nick needs to spend real quality time with him. He promised to take him to play putt-putt on Saturday. Nick is VERY stressed out about work, this will be the first time in 5 years that he won't be reachable to handle problems, and he is desperately trying to get his ducks in a row before he leaves.

Soooooo, there you have it. That is where we are now. Sounds doable, right! I will keep you all posted as to our progress and give more details about the actual planned process.