It is Gods little joke on me that what Johnley needs most is a real mom. One that is present, that actually cooks. I had told Sue that all I had to do was become a completely different person and then I would be ready for Johnley, and I was right! The joke is that's my fantasy, to be one of those moms that is always present, discovering the world through her childs eyes. You know, one that actually likes being with kids! And I do, I really do, in theory. But my God, its exhausting in reality! They are so damn needy! Can't I just get them a playmate for each other and be done with it? Thats what I thought I was doing, but boy did that backfire! Sammy and Johnley don't even like each other yet!
Okay, I'm mostly just kidding. It just hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday that Johnley needs me, he really really needs me, and it just felt so overwhelming - I didn't feel at all up to the task. But of course I am, this is what I have been preparing my whole life for, these three little children. Hmmmm, I think I'll go make some banana bread and warm up the house and home.
1 comment:
"to be one of those moms that is always present, discovering the world through her childs eyes"
I actually laughed out loud on this -- I hate those women! You have an adult brain and needy children don't satisfy the craving to breathe and commit acts of hygiene behind a closed door.
Repeat after me: "I am doing a fantastic job." Scream it louder than the voices inside your head!
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